The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships

AmandaYVR
The kisser and the kissee
The kisser and the kissee

I've been thinking about this topic, having seen many questions which dance around this idea, and today I decided to write about it. What am I talking about? This idea that men are still the initiators when it comes to asking girls out, driving the relationship, that it's always been that way and always will, and even some of the more incendiary ideas such as 'guys love the chase', 'wait for him to call you', and 'girls should hold back to make sure the guy is in it for the right reasons'. I think this is faulty reasoning, and here's why.

Benefits to Girls:

1. You cannot avoid being vulnerable. Don't make current or future partners pay for the mistakes or poor characters of those in the past. You have a good memory, I know, but your suspicions are not always founded, and it is not fair to bring this baggage into the present. You will corrupt all new relationships, with this mindest. And vulnerability is very endearing. I know, you're worried you will be taken advantage of. But so are they. You want something real? You want depth? You start. Be on the level. If there's one thing men consistently agree on, it's respecting a girl who is direct.

2. No risk, no reward. Taking risks, and dealing with the consequences of those decisions, good or bad, builds character. Going after what you want, and sometimes getting it, is one of the most surefire and authentic ways to build genuine inner confidence. And this is confidence that matters, not all that superficial external stuff.

2. "It's tradition." Tradition doesn't explain anything. It's something to fall back on it. It feels safe and comfortable, and yes, it honours the past. But it's not a reason. Society's changing. More women are in the workforce than ever before. More people are living singly (or with roommates or parents, but not in relationships.) Fewer babies are being born. The marriage age is increasing, the oldest it's ever been. Arranged marriages worldwide are at ~ 50-60%, but for everyone else, they're in the slog, looking for 'love marriages', trying to figure it out. The time of princesses is gone, and passivity gets you nowhere. Waiting around to be chosen, or rescued, sucks. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." Isn't it about time the days of Rapunzel in the tower being rescued are gone? We've all heard the idea that Disney has ruined generations of girls. (I don't necessarily strongly agree, but many do.) You might get lucky sometimes, but mostly you'll miss out on life, and opportunity. Carpe diem. It's your life. No one's going to do it for you. And you shouldn't want them to. Grab life by the balls and go after what you want.

3. Adversity builds character. Hearing 'no' is not the end of the world. Guys are no more psychologically or emotionally equipped to deal with rejection than girls are. So other than practice, or societal norms, why should they be the only ones to hear it? It is part of all human experience. Eventually you'll hear a 'yes' and will be empowered by having taken the initiative. You also learn how to pick yourself up, and like water off a duck's back, keep on swimming. Being hurt in the past is no prediction of being hurt in the future (unless you pick the same types of people to get into relationships with.) Even if the other person doesn't act fairly or reasonably, what matters most is how you act. Your character, your honour is what you have to live with. You cannot control others or how they act, but you can take ownership and accountability for yourself (and being a better person.)

4. Don't do a power play. You might think it puts you at a disadvantage, but just because you show interest, doesn't give all 'power' to the other (and really, there is no power.) And the other person may resent you if they get whiff of this as being strategy.

5. 'The chase' doesn't work. (With most men. Don't believe me, check out the many prior polls and questions here.) If you deliberately hold back, tease, neg, it's going to turn off the good guys. The ones who don't play games expect you not to as well.

6. Not all men just want women for sex. It's not going to change anything in regards to finding out whether they want you for sex or something more meaningful. Just because guys tend to want more sex with more variety of partners, does not mean all men are only after sex. Whether you initiate or they initiate, agreeing or disagreeing about if and when to have sex is a decision to be made on a case by case or couple by couple basis. There are no shortcuts here. The more direct and honest and open both people are, the better. And if they're not? It's not going to make it anymore difficult just because you initially showed interest.

7. It's one of the original, relatively untarnished, mandates of #feminism that most people can get behind and agree upon - the power of choice (without gender stereotypes, limitations, prejudices, etc.) You want #equality? You can't have it without stepping up, taking action, and shifting some of the classic male relationship responsibilities over to yourself (and then vice versa - they have to step up, and be flexible and adapt too.)

8. Isn't more choice more fun? By being the initiator, you are able to pick from the widest pool possible, not just the ones who initiate with you. You will therefore be more attracted, more passionately motivated, and the payoff more enjoyable if and when it does work out.

Benefits to Guys & Society:

1. It fills in the gap where many guys are now too worried to initiate, because of big changes like the #metoo movement. They hear stories of men's lives being ruined. Always founded or not, men have very real concerns about #sexualharrassment claims. To many of them, they don't want to take the chance, it's just not worth the risk anymore.

2. Many men do not understand you. Your cues are too subtle. Many times, they cannot tell whether you like them, or are just being nice/polite/friendly. Especially in a professional or online setting. The digital games are a very slow play. Low risk, yes, but very calculated and lacking in substance and clear intention.

3. It's a compliment to guys. Is that really so bad? A compliment or an overture to guys can brighten their day. Even if they are don't reciprocate, or aren't available for a relationship, many are still polite enough to be nice, and tactful. And they spread this out into the world, making it a more pleasant place to be for everyone. Happy guys create happy girls (and vice versa.)

4. It takes some of the pressure off guys. They're already stressed out and confused enough in today's landscape as is. Why leave the success of the entire dating population up to guys, when we could effectively double the chances of success if girls also stepped up to be more proactive?

5. Men feel that women are so independent now. Many don't feel needed, wanted. They struggle to find their value and what they are to women. Being approached will give them information on who exactly they are appealing to, and confirmation that they are still desired in general. Maybe it is not for the reasons they once were. With women making their own money now, actually relationships can now be more honest, less pragmatic, more a result of true desire for companionship and love, not because of codependence. This type of understanding could solve a lot of things.

That's it, that's my two cents. Or 13.

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in Relationships
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Unit1
    Fantastic article! About time women keep getting some more initiative. You brought an excellent point in having eliminated (financial) codependency and encouraging the "you want something, you go and get it (yourself)" motivation. I've said the latter myself and the former is why i admire women in the workforce.

    now the young ladies have some real catching up to do. Good men will be taken fast like hot muffins by good women! So why not be one 😎

    i still find it interesting how mostly the older women (late 30s, 40s etc...) are the encouraging type or the ones, who are fully able to go for a date without doubts or pulling back autonomously. No judgments whatsoever. you know - taking care of personal business.
    Like 5 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Unit1

      Thank you for the most helpful opinion 😀😀😀

    • "i still find it interesting how mostly the older women (late 30s, 40s etc...) are the encouraging type or the ones, who are fully able to go for a date without doubts or pulling back autonomously. No judgments whatsoever. you know - taking care of personal business."

      This usually happens because attractive young females get PLENTY of advances from guys and lack the life experience and self-confidence gained from it to take the risks the OP describes so well in #1-3 of the benefits to girls.

    • Unit1

      @rebelsunshine Right on target!

  • spartan55
    I really can't find one thing to nitpick about this take, ME... Lol
    Excellent work, you touched on several of the issues I have with the dynamic. You really seem to 'get it', and I wish there were more women like you.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • MzAsh
    Ideally, I don't see anything wrong with a woman taking the initiative - if she understands how to vet a man properly. Belgie's excellent comment points out what I'm referring to. A woman has to be careful not to end up with lazy man-children who will continuously not carry their own weight in the relationship, which is already bad enough as it is. Keeping the burden of performance at least partially on men during the first initial dating period also has it's benefits to both men and women. I suppose if a woman wants to as a man out, go for it, but make sure you are qualifying him firmly afterwards.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    • MzAsh

      I should say qualify him both before and afterwards.

    • AmandaYVR

      I don't disagree with you but vetting has to happen on both sides. There are many legitimate concerns that both sides have about each other, and the ability to discern, and read between what is said, appearances, etc. to dig to the real motivations... well that's unfortunate but it's all part of life.
      By some accounts, women are better are 'the emotional stuff' of life. But even they have to learn things over time, so I don't think it's out of scope to say they should be engaged, active, and keeping their eyes open. That doesn't mean bowing out of taking initiative. It puts all the onus on men, but in the wrong way. You can hold men accountable later, for stuff that really matters. The beginning should be fun and light and mutual.

      "Keeping the burden of performance at least partially on men" - Yes, agreed. Of course I don't mean to swap roles entirely, or for it to be one-sided. I never speak like that, in absolutes. I just strongly believe it's time for girls to step up and be more active in guiding relationships.

    • AmandaYVR

      I was watching an interesting reality show last night, my favourite, Married At First Sight. Are you familiar? Strangers are matched and married, and cameras follow their 8 week experience. I find the counselling that they receive from the three experts (sociologist, sex therapist, pastor/marriage counsellor) to be the most fascinating aspects of the show. Anyway, last night the Pastor - a fantastic guy, very passionately invested in the couples, and who keeps it real - advised just the ladies, privately, "You know something about men. If you ladies don't set boundaries, men will find them. They'll set them. And they'll be low, let's be honest. But if you ladies are clear about what you want and need, well we don't actually mind living up to them." It was a fascinating piece of advice. Perhaps this is what you are illuding to. I'm not going to call men "man-children". That's demeaning and not my experience. Though I always encourage people to move out, stand on your own two feet, etc. Learn how to cook a meal, jeez. I haven't been with one of those since I was 16 and never again. But yes, maybe it's human nature to take the shortest routes, laziest methods possible? On the flip side, girls can be too demanding at times, their expectations not realistic. So it's a bit of a tightrope, the whole thing. Balance is key.

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  • VIVANT
    You know the main (and in my opinion worst) reason I hear from women not asking men out, is “ it will turn the guy off”.

    And it isn’t a bad reason bc it isn’t true. Some guys will say women make that up but I’ve seen enough guys against being asked out, I know it isn’t a myth.

    It is TRUE. Some guys WILL be turned off if a woman he was interested in, asks him out. But it is not all guys nor most guys and why would you want that 🤔

    If a person is turned off by being made aware a person they are interested in, is interested in them and does not play games... they will not make a good partner. It’s best to find out sooner than later. Controlling behavior is never limited to one scenario. It’s going to pop up all over the place. Anyone who can’t handle direct communication is going to play mind games. If a guy wants to ask someone out Thsts great. But if he’s going to reject the woman for kit waiting for him to do it first, that is stifling and demeaning and entirely different.


    As for the rest, much of what I think _ think_ overlaps with much of what you wrote. In any case I do not disagree with your points. 😊🌺

    As for mine..
    LikeDisagree 14 People
    • VIVANT

      1 in my opinion it feels really empowering knowing you’ve done something important to you whether successful or not. And you will not be stuck wondering. even if you get rejected. It still feels good to get it done.

      It prevents wasting time. I always think the reason women ask so many “ what does this mean” questions ( guys do too but I’m talking about women) is bc they don’t know What is happening. NOT bc guys see mysterious.

      BECAUSE anything is mysterious if you don’t know what’s going on. And the brain will continue trying to fill in the blanks. Women ask questions bc they think they see expected to wait, instead of being expected to make a move. If she is the one planning on making a move, she wouldn’t Spend the next 50 hours wondering what he’s thinking. She’s just find out.

      2 Likewise this whole men leading relationships seems to have the result of women can't ark questions sure tot bc if it was tine to know something or do something or even FEEL something, he’d let her know.. there are literally posts where women ask us it clingy for the girl to text first or to call him or ask him what he wants or shock tell him what she wants.. . And there are always people around who say yes it is. Both genders. And then all the posts complaining women play games. I always think promoting direct communication rather than blaming each gender for obstructing it, would be tine time better spent.

      3 Rejection sucks for everyone its not something men are better equipped for. The only think that makes you stronger is going through it.

      Everyone is a bit shy approaching people 🤷‍♀️so what. Everything we do is uncomfortable until we get better at it.

      4 I think it is safer to approach a guy bc you are less likely to end up with guys who have been stalking you like prey. Guys with bad intentions are likely to calculate their moves. Those are not the guys you’d be asking out. And if you did they’d probably say no bc it messes with their game , so you dodge a bullet.

    • VIVANT

      5 Asking someone out gives you time to decide what you want. If you are constantly in a position to say yes or no to what up for fear of missing out, this is very stressful and can lead to poor choices.

      Knowing you will ask when you are ready, is very empowering for anyone. It’s why a lot of guys say like to initiate. In fact for many ( from pool of guys who dont like being asked out. Not from pool if guys) the reason they don’t like being asked out is bc they want to do it in their own tone and don’t like being caught off guard. Well #DITTO buddy 🙄

      Lol I find it funny they can’t flip it around and see anyone can feel that way... But obviously that’s not all guys. And many who are , are willing to try to look at things differently if you talk it over. Some are not and that is their right.

      6 in my opinion it’s good form to take responsibility for your interest rather than letting someone else decide

      7 it makes it easier to say no when you are not interested bc you yourself have been rejected and you know it is just part of life and no one likes being jerked around.

      8. Cutting through Mind games is WAYYYYY easier bc now you have been on both sides and it is no longer a mystery what it takes to ask out or call back or be reliable etc. makes it harder for guys who play games, to far away with it.

      9 I think it starts things off on a more even setting which helps shape the respect following the course of the relationship.

      It lets the guy know he’s not dealing with a child and it lets you the woman know you are respected as an adult with agency.. which is good for everyone. in my opinion

      ~~~Obviously some people enjoy a different dynamic. That is their prerogative. These are just reasons why me being me, I think it is good.

      And I’m not saying it isn’t nice to be asked out ( though some women genuinely don’t like it , like some guys) but to not be ALLOWED to do it yourself is insane. Really just totally bonkers.

      Good Take 😊🌺🌺

    • Kurαȷ

      And it never occurred to you that you demanding for people to find your approach attractive and then making bitter and loaded assumptions when they don't may play a large part in why some people may not find your approach attractive?

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  • nella965
    From my experience as a girl, if you do not go after the guys that you want , you will never get your dream guy. You will only have mediocre relationships or guys that you aren’t totally attracted to asking you out. Go after what you like , don’t sit and wait And hope Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet because it may never happen
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Yesssssss.
      Why doesn’t every girl think like you?

    • VIVANT

      I love it 💜💜👍🏻

    • That's good to hear dear.

    • Show All
  • AnonUser1902
    This post was really informative and really well written. I'm a female who has always loved putting myself out there and going after a guy if i was interested and taking the initiative. Don't get me wrong, i also don't mind the guy coming up to me, but this has made me feel validated about making the first move and made me feel more secure and more likely to approach. Thanks for the post :))
    LikeDisagree 8 People
  • The_Sword
    the only memorable relationships I've ever had, were with women who initiated the contact and participated equally in two-way communication. The latitude provided by breaking the conventions of a scripted gender stereotype, which are otherwise usually imposed (or initiated from the block of feminine standards, and coercing each other to hold to a social convention of shared standards with which to compare 'wins' in the sexual marketplace), are largely one-sided expectations, for behavior which is now even denigrated for ideological reasons, even after it had been induced by particular women (ie. the low cut tank tops that feminists use to force men to avert their eyes away-from, so they can feel empowered to disguise their neo-colonialism as a defiant and defensive reaction to being oppressed by the male gaze--thus rationalising their vulnerable narcissism in a self-fulfilling prophecy of their accusation-seeking entrapment): breaking through all that socially constructed red tape, maintained by women largely conforming to a dogmatic orthodoxy of standard expectations : allows for a unique form of participatory authenticity, where responsibility for defining your needs and wants clearly and within a process of open negotiation, as the communication deepens and develops through a series of self-defined voluntary exchanges, is probably more important for women than it is for men: because power-plays of passivity, have a corrupting influence in terms of potentially growing self-deception (which sadly, has also become institutionalised via the ideologies of identity politics and feminism, as women have relegated ownership of their themselves, in order to use their identity as the excuse to continue their decadence of irresponsibility and identity-consciousness paradigm, that makes them immune from self-reflection, but also allergic to taking responsibility (because if your identity makes it impossible for you take concede blame for anything, there is likewise no possibility of ever exhibiting responsibility: being the 'cause' to anything, is forever lost as its relegated onto the 'perpetrator' identity)). Developing participatory muscles, leads to humanising your own communication, dealing with probing and discovering the how to interpret the layers that exist within people, and becoming responsible for interrogating and discovering the array of compatability, not merely being a passive client of human transaction between two sex roles.
    LikeDisagree 6 People
  • Lliam
    Enlightenment and wisdom for the 21st century. Listen and learn, ladies and gents.The Personal and Societal Benefits of Girls Taking the Initiative With Guys in RelationshipsBrava!
    LikeDisagree 10 People
  • Steve061963
    There is one particular area I would find the woman taking the initiative most helpful, and that is at my work place. No, not women I work with (there are now women where I work, it's a small computer shop with 5 guys). I see women on occasion that come in and after helping and talking to them for a bit, I think 'Id really like to go out with them and get to know them better'. But to ask them out could make them uncomfortable if they are not interested, and could possibly make them not want to come in again. I don't want to risk that, so I stay professional. If she is interested it would be awesome if she said something like 'ive enjoyed talking to you, if you are interested I wouldn't mind talking more over a cup of coffee sometime' or something to that effect. As far as a woman straight up asking me out, I'm really not sure how I feel about that. I guess it really depends on the approach. I think I'd want to have a bit of conversation first to kind of get to know them, like in the store example above, and then if they suggested coffee or a beer or something, that would be ok. Just don't come up to me and say 'Youre handsome, would you like to go out sometime?' I'd be looking for the exit as fast as I could.
    Like 1 Person
    • AmandaYVR

      Yep, well said.
      I'd be very surprised if girls/women started doing this. For one thing, women are more wise than this, and that sounds like a high risk-low reward proposition. Few people will do that, and certainly even fewer women.

    • I'm assuming you're referring to the last part, the 'You're handsome, want to go out'. Not the asking out for coffee after conversation

    • AmandaYVR

      Right.

  • Belgie
    Strong assertive women are a turn on, sure. But... right now, there's a hurdle that men have to be able to cross, to date. They must at least have the minimum amount of self-confidence to be able to approach a woman and ask her out.

    If women start asking men out en masse, that hurdle is removed, and a bunch of cowardly, low-testosterone-having, insecure, man-babies will be permitted entry to the dating pool, instead of being incentivised to grow the fuck up.
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    • MzAsh

      Bingo. Than you for pointing this out. It's the truth.

    • VIVANT

      The point is for women to take responsibility for what they want , not for women to groom men to behave as they wish. Women don’t need to be passive in order for men to find their voice.

    • MzAsh

      An important point for women isn’t about grooming, it’s about vetting properly. It’s about filtering through the type of men she doesn’t want and the ones who aren’t good for her / will be more trouble than their their worth and securing a relationship with someone who is truly compatible with her. I would say this also falls into the category of taking responsibility for what she wants.

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  • GraveDoll
    I dont think this approach works for all women... and it never will. This approach i think may be for "soft" females.

    I also may be the minority here but

    Not all women are scared to approach but trying to downplay and muse with the male ego is really hard to beat down considering it something that been around forever.

    It clear that I am a alpha female yet this approach doesn't work... and it never has. Im bold and blunt and the only time i have to play "soft" is when i want a guy to approach so i dont scare him off. My demeanor is rather icey but again i can't change who i am. It not a guard thing either im just pure logic and people find me cold.

    We are fighting a lot of nature vs logic. very complex thing. As I can play the role of leader but will always perfer my man to be that part. If i took all the initiative. It just not a good thing being a natural control freak.

    can you see where approaching a guy would be a prob?

    so just randomly walking up to a guy is never going to work for a female such as myself.

    But a male whose' "bold" enough to walk up to me is more of my type. I don't believe in dream guys or any of that silly stuff.

    My current boyfriend approached me first. as all of my past bfs becasue if i did it myself trust me i tried

    i would be single forever
    Disagree 4 People
    • AmandaYVR

      You're certainly entitled to your opinion but I see things differently.

      No one single approach will work for all people or all situations. Also I didn't write this intending it to relate to only the first approach. If you look at it more broadly (and at the questions posed here on gag) there are so many people trying to figure out what the other person is thinking, wanting. This wil never change, of course, and is a part of life, but a lot of this hanging back, on purpose or out of insecurity, is not necessary. It's playing into a social construct. These things are not set in stone. People can change if they are motivated.

      You want a "bold" male, well there are enough of them. But why do you think they can only approach you and it doesn't work when you approach them? That still isn't clear from what you said. Something about your cold demeanor? Anyway, there are plenty of men who would appreciate being approached, or when they do begin a relationship, the women is vocal, active, forthright, not strategizing in order to alter the dynamic, or feeling that she must hang back, for whatever reason.

    • AmandaYVR

      I do not at all subscribe to the concept of alphas and betas.
      It is quite possible to exist where each member is part of a team, and contributes equally but differently.
      When people say they are alphas, often the undercurrent of what they are wanting to say is "I want to be in charge. I will not be subservient to anyone." Yet who doesn't want to have their preferences an opinions equally weighed against another? You might think you are more deserving of this status (by birth right/inate personality?) but there are plenty of people who make good leaders while stil maintaining high levels of diplomacy, sensitivity and tact, or who function in teams of two without someone more dominant. I've spent time with many boyfriends, friends, family members, etc. (hanging out, vacationing or visiting each other, working on projects together) and usually no one was in charge, calling all the shots, and it works out just fine. Some people may take more responsibility in one area or another, but that is an entirely different thing than one is in control or entirely responsible (aka alpha.)

    • GraveDoll

      I actully understood everything you said. I already use many of those steps in my everyday life not just with guys but all my relationships i have this thing called "check ins" it keeps communication open. so that is why i spoke particular on a part that strike me

      and I do talk in the first person if you read any of my responses they are never just yay or nay. I dont speak just to speak and Im literal. again your right I could have easily JUST not respond. Maybe put only for those who have no 3d opinions and want to look at things only surface next time...

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  • certifiedalphafemale
    I did the first move on my current boyfriend and he loved it!
    LikeDisagree 14 People
  • kyronj
    I can tell u have a lot of experience, an the way of your thinking is advance... If things really use to play out the way u just wrote their be more love, happy house hole & relationships in the world today it's true what what he saying can relate to what ur saying thanks for sharing.
    Like 1 Person
    • AmandaYVR

      Thank you very much, kyronj.

      I just want to mention that this was not the way of the past and that we are in a different time now. It was the way that I personally have always felt. As shy and often scared as I was (I did and still do blush easily), I did often initiate things with people I really found intriguing. I never played games. I often did not know what men were thinking (hindsight is much clearer than when you're young and in the thick of it), but I never felt it was the man's job to do all this, or to be the only ones putting their neck on the line. When you make your own decisions in life, and they are your choices, the rewards are so worth it.

      I was very shy, but I was warm, and I often pushed through these insecurities because I was curious about people, especially some fantastic men. For me, the world opened up once I graduated from high school and could interact with some older guys. I was suddenly very motivated. I guess the maturity just wasn't there, from what I saw, in high school boys.

      It can be done. The girls just need to set their minds to it. It is nothing to do with generations or society anymore. We are the most free, egalitarian society we have ever had. There is no point in waiting. They are only wasting time and opportunity and happiness.

  • blutwolfe
    gonna be honest, at this point in time, could not retain a single piece of information, but a girl giving a shit goes a long way, I long for romance, I'm one of those that need to be chased, not the chasee, sex doesn't mean anything, but love does, I can't be the only one
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Why, cause you were stoned or tired?

      I think you mean "I'm one of those that need to be chased, not the chaseR"?

      "sex doesn't mean anything, but love does, I can't be the only one" I love this. 💛

    • blutwolfe

      sorry I was drunk, Friday night lmao, I don't even remember commenting lol

    • AmandaYVR

      Aah, yeah that's a logical one.
      Np, don't worry about it.

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  • Anoniemus
    None of these are applicable to me and the type of men that tend to want women to approach them or the ones who we wouldn’t be interested in.

    But I agree with the points made about men.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
    • AmandaYVR

      How so?

    • Anoniemus

      I don't feel vulnerable.

      I don't mind hearing no.

      I agree the traditional argument is garbage but though I don't indulge, if some women want to, that's their choice.

      I don't see it as a disadvantage or like the "chase".

      I know that not all men want sex.

      Aside from that, the men saying that they want women to approach them likely have some incompatible personality traits which would make me disregard him (impenetrable shyness, insecurity, etc).

      I can and have approached men but I find my interest in him wanes especially after I find out he's interested in me. It's not attractive to me to find out that a man was too shy, afraid, insecure to approach. It's unappealing.

    • AmandaYVR

      Ooh I see.
      Fair enough.

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  • sillyfairy474
    I will not do all of the leg work. I will meet a man halfway and put equal effort.
    LikeDisagree 6 People
    • AmandaYVR

      That's good. I never said anywhere in this that women should take over and do all the work.

    • I didn’t say you did, I was just adding my two cents to the topic.

    • AmandaYVR

      Ok good.

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  • bulletbob555
    Yes it works. There is no judgement. Lived through the 70's It was definitely a thing then part of the original women's liberation which has since morphed into feminism. Go for it and see where it takes you.
    Like 2 People
    • AmandaYVR

      Ooooh. So it's actually retracted, eh? Interesting.

  • ShadowofRegret
    Excellent take!

    I think it really would do a lot of good for both genders if more women would ask men out too!

    And like you said, it also helps make the guy feel more appreciated. (I mean, guys like feeling wanted too, and when we are expected to do it all, sometimes it does kind of make it feel like the woman doesn't 'really' want us that much...)
    LikeDisagree 5 People
  • Anpu23
    I've been approached by both men and women, what I lived in San Francisco it happens no biggie, and by far in my experience men take rejection much better. To women it seems to be personal even if you didn't intend it to be that way. I can't tell you how many times it's turned aggressive, and I saw the same behavior when I worked at a bar.
    Like 3 People
  • sagevalentineee
    I find that once I feel comfortable with a man, and in his feelings for me, I have no problems taking the initiative, being honest, and letting him get to know the real me. However up until then, I can probably be a bit guarded and not 100% myself, which is probably due to nervousness. I can only let myself be vulnerable when I feel confident with him. And to be honest I feel like this works for me and not sooner.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • MrD1949
    I agree there's nothing wrong with the woman taking the initiative to pursue the man and not just wait for him to pursue her a lot of men including myself enjoy it and it makes me look at the woman with even more respect for her openness
    Like 1 Person
    • AmandaYVR

      "it makes me look at the woman with even more respect for her openness"
      Bravo, MrD. EVERY GIRL NEEDS TO SEE THIS.

  • Daniel_Dano
    Great take , definitely it will help when the girl is more extrovert and the guy is introvert , a strong independent woman doesn't fear asking her lover out.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • Anoniemus

      The same could be said about a strong confident man.

    • AmandaYVR

      @Anoniemus
      So Anoniemus, despite your name you seem to be a direct woman. Are you the one downvoting every single positive comment on here?

    • Anoniemus

      Yes, I am. They're not positive: a lot of them make assumptions or mistakenly assume that if more women approached, they would be ones that would be approached.

      Or they're bigots that I've dealt with.

  • Show More (36)
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