So I have tried a few dating sites, and the guys I have talked to always wanted to meet up quickly and were only looking for hookups, to which I declined. So how do you find a guy who is looking to date on a serious level?
That’s a very hard thing to do. Because you can never distinguish between a man who just wants sex or who’s interested in a real relationship. Because the game is played the same. A man who is interested in you will tell you you’re gorgeous, purchase you things, tell you sweet things, make you feel special, just the same as a man who is only interested in sex will do. The only way I’d say he’s really interested is if you made him wait for a certain amount of time to have sex. If he continues to wait, there’s a good chance he wants something real. But even than that could backfire. There’s no real way to tell. Especially nowadays, a lot of girls give it up easily. So it’s easy for a man to say ok we’ll see you later I’m moving on to Becky who will give it up for a meal from McDonalds. I know this because “Becky” gave me a blowjob to get her something to eat from McDonalds when she was at work one day. A lot of women have no morals these days. This 27 year old I talked to. I thought she was traditional, cooked, would make a perfect wife for some dude. I asked her one day based on a video if she’d ever be a side chick. She said sure as long as you get me a LV bag lol I said not me. So yes thank a lot of women for making it easier for men to get laid w out even trying.
@Katebfun than o guess I got a good deal
I personally know girls who give it up for less than McDonald's which is crazy!
Dating just seems too hard now :(
Yes I’ve heard of that good. Glad I’ve been out of the dating scene for some years. But yeah it’s easy to get a blowjob, get some pussy w out even trying.
And what makes you think you have morals? You took a girl out for McDonald's for a free bj! Men are so entitled nowadays. You willingly play the game like a man whore but criticize women for being whores
Im willing to bet that bj from becky was worth paying for her McDonald's right?
@nastyb I think a woman who offers a bj for McD doesn't really care about the Mc part as much. In other words, she just wanted to blow him anyway.
As for the rest of the conversation here, I just wanted to input I think if you're looking for love, sex isn't transactional. You don't "give it up" because it's not a resource you're using as a bargaining chip. It's just an expression of your desire to connect and for both of you to feel good.
This is why the "holding out" method of trying to find a guy who is "actually interested in you" doesn't work. If you get to a point where you would both naturally want to have sex, and then you play this game, you send a message saying "I don't feel the way about you that you feel about me."
Have you met someone yet since your post?
No not really, I'm not really looking right now.
I see. Well I hope the best for you. Again it’s hard to say other than making him wait, that would be your best bet.
Thanks.
Yw. Have a good day
You too :)
Can I ask what’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had?
8 years
A good run. What happened w that?
He was too controlling and ignoring me on the regular. I was completely unhappy.
So was he always like that? Because that certainly is a long time to stay w someone who is like that.
He was always kind of like that but the ignoring didn't happen until the last 2 years.
I see. So now what’s your plan?
I am just gonna not worry about finding a partner. I am gonna focus on myself and my health.
That’s good. I wish the best for you. Hang in there.
Choose a guy in person and establish proximity and familiarity with him over time; a girl at the gym has been observing then subtly flirting with me for over a month, then last weekend I suddenly twigged and realised all those one off moments were connected and she likes me - and this made me feel love-struck.
Don't get me wrong, a guy is hardwired to desire the prospect of sex, but my ideal has always been to experience that with a one romantic partner - irrespective of interest from other women. For me, they don't make make my heart beat faster, or make my head feel fuzzy, than thinking about my mutual crush.
I feel like I'm an outlier in today's society though. Maybe glowing up later in life has it's impacts, maybe it's my respectable upbringing and aversion to mainstream trends.
Thanks, that sounds nice I hope it works out between you two :D
I hope so too, we haven't really spoken yet though, and last week when were were in our usual room alone she did the three-cough gesture while looking at me... I think she thinks I'm being too slow, when really I've just been in denial and too slow to pick up... I hope she's still hanging in there when we meet next.
💯. I only have dated men that I can have multiple encounters with to see how they act in varying situations. Usially people I have some sort of business relationship with. Also, who live or work near me.
There's no special trick. Just say exactly what you want in your profile description. Refuse to deal with anyone who isn't on the same page. Don't meet up in less than 2 weeks. See if he can hold conversations that long and is still interested. If you can't hold his attention with normal behavior for 2 weeks, he's not actually interested in you. Same rule for when you meet. If he indicates in any way that he's no interested in what you are, then leave. Don't try to change or convince anyone. People know what they want. Be picky.
For example, any time I want to find a serious partner, I may find only 3 men out of 1,000 who are interested in me that actually catch my attention and can hold a decent conversation. Out of those, I'll be lucky if even 1 is on the same page as me. If not, I start over again with the next 1,000.
Could you imagine how much time I would waste if I paused to focus on all of the men who were not wanting what I wanted and weren't that interested? I would never have found the right guys. So, ask them right away and walk away right away if they aren't right for you.
This is what I've been doing. I've had a lot of msgs from guys who want to meet asap and act rude and say your a red flag for not wanting to meet. Lol
But on the other hand I've had a few replies from some guys but unfortunately just not anywhere near me (they can put whatever location they want) or haven't replied again after i uploaded a few more pics
Don't have sex right away. Make him wait for a while. Even if you really want sex too, still make sure you wait. If he's just interested in the sex then he'll give up after a while and look for someone other girl he won't have to work so hard to bang. However, if he really likes you for you then he'll respect you and be willing to wait to have sex/keep having a relationship with you (because he has feelings for YOU, not just sex).
Also, when you do have sex, the wait makes it that much better. I waited 3 months to have sex with my now fiance. For a long time he wanted it super bad and I wanted it just as bad. However, I'd been burned by so many guys who just slept with me and left that I decided that the wait was necessary. The sexual tension built up between us like crazy. It made the first time we had sex just a million times better (and we had incredible sex all weekend long. haha)
I dont have sex with them.. and when they realize I am not for that and leave, they never message me again lol.
Opinion
36Opinion
Don’t have sex right away, build a connection first.
I'd have some questions for you. It looks like you've given up, but if you want to chat about it, DM me.
I read through lots of the answers on here and I personally think there is a lot of bad advice. I don't know if it's COVID, Gen Z, phone/social media zombie minds, or what, but people don't seem to know how to really connect on a deeper level with others anymore. Not that everything that everyone said was completely wrong, but all in all it was mostly misguided. Like reading a beauty magazine for advice.
A lot of the advice was how to find a guy. Taking your question at face value, if you want to attract a guy, be attractive. If you want him to be interested in you for "not just sex", then focus on non-sexual aspects of yourself. Some examples would be reading books, traveling, sports, art, career, spirituality, education. Side benefit: your life becomes better, regardless of if you attract someone or not.
Dating apps are hookup apps. Men looking for relationships don’t hang around for very long on those sites. Then again, with some recent polls they’re basically the only way to meet people. So if you are going to use apps, some big no-no’s include saying that you're “done playing games and you aren’t going to put out” is going to put off most guys instantly, regardless of their intentions. Also making long lists about your requirements in a guy and saying nothing about yourself is going to send anyone who isn’t speed-running the apps for sex running and your profile will likely end up being mocked on mens forums.
I suggest just trying to keep it short and sweet, focus on your desire to form a connection and be willing to give guys that may not be the most attractive a chance.
I didn’t mean to discourage you. Just dating is very complicated these days and there isn’t really a surefire way to avoid wasting your time.
Though I did find a pretty good YouTube video that might help. I can’t post links here so if you’re interested just shoot me a DM and I’ll send it to you.
Don't worry about it, I wasn't discouraged by your comment. Yours was actually one of the helpful ones. So thanks :)
That is impossible. That is the equivalent of a guy saying "how can I attract women when none are attracted to me?"
How do I manipulate the situation in order for a woman who would not be attracted to me, to become attracted to me.
You're asking how can you manipulate the situation such that a man who only wants casual sex will want to get married instead.
It's impossible. It's up to him what he wants. You can't change that.
Most men you're attracted to probably only want sex. Maybe you can lower your standards but then you still don't get what you want because the men willing to settle down are not good enough.
No I am asking how to weed out men that pretend to want relationships only to show up looking for hookups. If they don't want me that is not a problem, but just reject me. Why do they try to sleep with me instead.
You can't stop men that only want hookups from trying to get in your pants. And if you don't change the way you filter men or the qualities you look for, you'll always end up with the ones that only want to hookup.
All you need are good qualities as a girl to attract good men. A girl that puts something on the table and is worth being with for life.
That means: Being kind, compassionate, considerate, and empathetic. Not being a feminist (most men do not like modern feminists). The main thing is... similarities with them though. Similar interests, views in life, goals (do you guys see yourselves in the same place 20 years from now?), communication style, etc. If you share the same views with the guy, then that means you'll also share the view that hookups are not for you and you're only looking for a meaningful connection in life. Similarities are what bonds us in relationships in my opinion.
I've turned down ladies because of that. This is a fallen world and things are getting bad exponentially. One I knew called me crazy, she didn't believe in God. Dating sites are crap, are all crap! I've been on dating sites for soo many years, I can barely remember. 1st time I was 18 and I'm still messing with them. I have never had one positive contact the whole time. One was not my type in the least, another was rude, didn't like my profile (I was realistic, lol), another wanted to send nudes🤷🏻♂️. Then there are the fake dating sites and profiles that have been on there forever. Hello I'm Jane doe and I'm 18..., but it says she's 30, lol, because she hasn't erased her profile in 12 years 🤣.
hahaha yeah I gave up on it all. I will see if I meet someone nice or not.
It's all about how you represent yourself.. basically you attract exactly what you are offering.. if you are wife material, can cook, clean, you are loyal and dress up modestly, you will attract decent man, husband material that will take care of you and willing to spend life with you.. if you are getting drunk at the bars half naked, you are offering just your holes, and if the holes are all you can offer, it's all mens want from you..
It's pretty simple, im shocked that girls complain about just getting fcked when they cannot offer anything else to the table..
You need to make it clear what you are looking for. Make it clear you are a woman of substance (unlike the many modern women who are casting a bad light on all women) make it clear you want a relationship that may lead to marriage. Dress with self respect (don't show off everything) check how you talk (do you cuss a lot or talk down to people are you respectful to children and others) how do you act in public? Are you polite (yes ma'am no sir thank for you holding the door etc) are you soft spoken or loud. Are you argumentative or agreeable (not to be confused with blindly agreeing to everything) all of this and many others all will drastically influence the type of guy you are with and what he is looking for
And what is... ''serious''?
To me, a 'serious' relationship includes (good) sex. And I'm willing to find out, even if that means that I get exploited.
And men DO! get exploited by sex, the same way as a woman may feel about it.
My observation: it appears to me that women believe that sex is something THEY own.
But isn't it rather that 'we' share it?
Now... to get closer to ''serious'' intentions: communicate, what your mid-term goals are, and only 'physically' meet 'us' when these goals match.
You cannot control or direct this, just filter out the ''right'' candidate/s.
If he wants sex, we end here...
As an observer, I pay attention to the way people speak, what words they use, how fast they react and so on... Sometimes, a man's way of expressing himself catches my attention. But I'm not a master at attracting guys... so I mostly use my luck...
It will always come down to sex. This one guy was interested in me for 7 months with out sex. Then one night I said ok to him. I never heard from him again 🤷🏼♀️ guys like just the chase u til they catch their prey, then it's on to the next one... pass the ketchup.
well be yourself and be blunt you can do it and not be rude just tell him or them your not just looking for something sexual i mean for me id rather a woman tell me she wants to actually get to know me first and see where things go feel things out and ask them what there looking for as well nothing wrong in being honest and upfront but i get it and id say it will be a bit hard to do i mean some guys are like that but so are some women but hopefully you will find what your looking for
Thanks, this is actually a really good answer! I put off looking for the time being tho.
oh ok well thank you i just be honest no reason to lie or beat around the bush about it you know but thank you :)
Being interesting. There is no bright or wrong way. Having interests in sports or movies and any one of a million things. I always thought that girls that could carry on a conversation, express an opinion and not just repeat what all the movie stars said would e en if they were only average looking would become more attractive.
Just put on the dating sites that you are not looking for just sex, but a connection that could lead to a greater future.. You are dating with purpose.
Don't give up.. There plenty of guys who don't want you for just sex..
Thanks, but I think I am gonna take some time off from it. It is getting me down.
Oh yeah, I agree with that.. It's ultimately better.. Dating apps suck for everybody.. I know it's the more convenient way to meet, but meeting in person is always the best.
Very true!
m I've never ever tried to attract guys...
that has still happened a couple of times... lol
Hahaha well what did they like about you?
as they said it themselves... strangers liked the athletic body type, and the "presence"
and that knew me from before, said that I was also "very intriguing" whatever that meant... lol
You stand out, you must be attractive haha.
many of them do have a type... and then there's different types, lol
I just realized you asked about dating apps lmao... I've never used one
so I meant situations out and about, lol... in person
edit/update...
maybe it is time to give up on the online dating scene... many things there are NOT personal, and it's not the best for people to actually know about the personality and character aspects of a relationship
Yes, I think you are right about that. I will have to try to get out around different people. Hopefully I will be able to meet someone like that.
Put all guys in the friend zone at 1st. If he proves himself to be a good friend promote him to a Lover.
I pretty much take this approach as well, but with girls, and it has worked well for me.
A foundation of trust and friendship needs to be built first. Only after that, can anything further be considered.
The emphasis is on getting to know each other better rather than escalating things sexually as soon as possible.
The more time and attention you spend getting to know someone, the harder it is for them to hide ulterior motives or fake personalities.
@dynamicyandere exact 💯 if they can't be a good friend then they won't be a good partner. It's tricky because guys need to pick up on subtle clues that a friend that is a girl is flirting and showing interest.
Meeting up quickly to talk is normal. Messing around texting before meeting is a waste of time.
When I was in my mid-30's looking to date on a serious level, the women I was dating mostly invited me to bed after the third date.
I think it's gauche to talk about sex before meeting. Maybe that's your clue: if the guy is talking about sex before meeting you, he's not serious.
Don't give him sex for at least the first two months of dating. See if he stays and still dates consistently. After 2 months, he makes you his girlfriend. Sleep with him. You've found the right man
Stop picking the same guys lol 🤷🏻♂️. This ain't rocket science. Not every guy is a creep, just the ones you talk to? It's your taste in the men.
You say that, but I don't match with everyone. These are the guys that like the looks of me and match. Even when I tried uglier guys, they are just as bad as the hotter guys. I guess I'm just not hot or interesting enough to get normal guys to want to date me.
My bio is really basic, it pretty much just says not looking for hookups hahaha.
I bet it is because I am not the right type. I will give up and work on myself. I might meet someone the normal way lol.
The problem is, most guys can only offer sex, they really don't have much else going for them. You have to dig deep if you want to find the gold.
If you figure this out let me know cuz I'd like to know too
Hahaha yeah I will if I ever do.
I've found the same and the ones who dont ask to meet quickly dont attempt to flirt and hardly ever chat either
Don't bring up sex at all and ignore guys who talk like, "Hey honey, you look hot, I love you 💋💋" in the first 2 days of chatting. A guy who is looking for marriage is not going to talk like that at least for a month.
You can’t force anyone to want a certain lifestyle but what you can do is place yourself in situations where there’s single men who are looking to settle down. Church, community events, and volunteering.
Tell them that you are looking for only serious dating not hookups. Especially, tell the guys openly that, I would love to have lots of sex only after the engagement or the wedding. If you are looking for hookups then go find the like minded girls.
Present yourself very modestly. Hide your cleavage. Don’t show off your ass or take sexy photos. Don’t show pics of yourself drinking. Don’t talk about sex and try to hold off on any flirting until you find a guy you feel aligned with.
It's not about you. It'd be possible with his own inner work.
I am just going, to be honest with you. Most of us men are inferior and are pigs. I would suggest trying out women. If not, I am not sure where to go from there.
at this point, change society as the hookup only thing has become the majority of what society seeks now.
Think about what they do in their spare time outside of sex and emulate that. My wife and I play games together or make food together mostly.
Sex will be apart of any attraction, simply hold out from giving him sex for longer. A guy that sticks around is interested in you.
Your personality and don't trust the dating sites, they are basically just hookup sites
Make it clear that you are not having sex quickly. Sure most will probably skip over you, but those guys just want to slam and jam anyway.
Well it starts by actually choosing a guy that doesn't just want sex. And if you don't what that type of guy looks and acts like you're kind of f***ed from the start.
It may not be a matter of who you wish to attract, but who you are attracted to...
Same way you done it in the past. What do you have offer guy make him want to settle down
Are there better dating sites?
Bumble
Maybe it costs more
Bumble is free and is just as bad as the rest.
You have to get to know him first. Lol Decide if you like him after you've gotten to know him.
A good personality is the difference between a guy just wanting to sleep with u and u being his girlfriend
Yeah I'm not looking anymore, but thanks for the answer.
Now mostly guys want to have sex so difficult to get the guy who truly loves you.
depends on the guy I dated a woman for almost two months and never made a move to have sex
I suppose, but I assume i am not attractive enough because only guys wanting to use me hit me up.
So I am not interested in looking anymore.
forgive me for being so blunt... but any women I've wanted to sleep with WAS because of hot hot she looked
ie. she was VERY attractive
Hahaha but when the girl turns down your offer to suck your dick on first meeting do you just block her then? I don't think I'm hot because that is all they want.
I never ask or even hint at sex on a first date. I dont want to start a relationship based on sex.
Well you probably only hit up girls you like. Plenty of guys with no real interest hit me up all the time but then are mean to me.
Aww too ugly to meet people in person so u hide on dating apps with a cartoon pic🤣
Aww why go anonymous like I won't know its you, dumb fuck 😂
By the way, this isn't a dating app. Also I love how the only insult you can think of is that I am ugly, because I don't put my pic on here, when the real reason is I am not an attention whore like you. I don't need a pic because I am not desperate for male attention, like some people.
You're ugly boo face it 🤣
Okay whatever you think clown. You are boring me now.
I wonder that myself.
Be enjoyable to be around without using sexuality.
Hangout activities and not chit chat sit downs.
be nice and don't over do the talking.
You have to say that up front in your profile.
Lol I did. Losers still show up to the game tho. But doesn't matter I took down my profile, not looking anymore.
@PeachyPie93 Aw. I'm sorry. :/
It's fine, I'm not bothered.
Don’t be easy. It’s not complicated
Guys aren't looking for harlots nowadays
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