Is dating a meritocracy?

[Anonymous]

I see that single and lonely men typically only just need to be better people and confident to fix that. Essentially is dating struggle a good measure of how good a person is?

[IslaTheWitch]

Maybe...

In dating, not only skills or how "good a person" you are, counts. It's more the chemistry and a lot of unconscious evaluations.

So I would say dating is for people who are open to developing themselves not in the area of skills (at least not only) but in the area of self-love and self-acceptance, which leads to feeling confident.

But let's say it openly. Confidence without base is called arrogance, and this is a huge turn-off for most women. So if you have no skills or achievements to feel confident in, then you definitely have some areas for improvement and to work on.

[Asker]

I mean yea that would make it a meritocracy though, no?
If you're lonely or struggling to find partners it is a failure of the individual to be confident either due to moral reasons like being an asshole or laziness in not being able to develop the care minimum skills to feel confident in.