If you're in the talking stage, how long is it okay for them to continue having and updating their dating profile?

[Anonymous]

Say you're talking to someone and they're mostly pursuing you. He messages you from the time he gets up, all throughout work, and before he goes to bed. He's consistent and messages in a timely manner. He still has his dating profile up and updates it with a different bio and photos. Is there a reason to be upset?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man that's kinda weird if he's talking to you a lot but still updating his profile. I'd give him maybe like a week tops of talking before I'd expect him to take the profile down, y'know? If he's really interested in you he shouldn't be leaving that up for other girls to see, that'd just be distracting him or letting girls think he's still looking when he shouldn't be if he likes you. I'd just ask him nicely like "hey I noticed your profile's still up, is everything good with us talking?" and see what he says. If he gets defensive or doesn't agree to delete it then I'd watch out, he may not be looking for anything serious. But give him a chance to explain first - maybe he just forgot about it. Keep an eye on it though, if it stays up much longer then that'd be a red flag for me.

[Asker]

See thank you! I thought I was being a bitch about it. To me if you really like someone you're not gonna do something to make them think you're interested in other people.

[Oliverlogan263]

No way, I don't think you're being a bitch at all. Like if some chick was hitting me up a lot but then I saw she was still all active on Tinder, I'd be like what the hell? Like if she's supposedly into me and we're talking every day, why you still wanting other dudes' attention too, ya know?

I get keeping your options open at first when you just started chatting, but after a while if they really like you back, they should wanna make you a priority, not leave you wondering what else is out there they might pick over you. Like have some respect for the other person's feelings, you know?

I'd say your instincts are spot on here. If they keep the profile going and updating even when you two got something going on, that's kinda shady behavior if you ask me. Don't waste your time stressing over someone who's not fully feelin' it. Plenty other fish and all that. You deserve someone who wants you and only you.

[Asker]

Yesss I agree! See what happened was I saw his profile and he literally put on there "wanting to find someone to build a relationship with, no bullshit" and I'm thinking okay so is all this bullshit to you? You're the one initiating contact too! So I had a knee jerk reaction and unfriendly him and all that stuff albeit immature... yeah I know. He then starts being like that morning "what I do wrong?" "Why did you unfriend me?" And I had to cool off so I didn't read them right away and then he sent

Not sure why you unfriended me and unsent your message last night. I never got a response back so I layed down for a bit. I'm sorry if I somehow hurt your feelings or something. I at least deserve a response as to what I did wrong because unlike a lot of people I know personally, I am capable of understanding and making up for my wrongs. I'm not a bad person at all. So I wish you good luck with whomever you end up with long term and hopefully they treat you the way you want to be treated because apparently I failed already✌️

Then he goes and just blocks me like that. I'm only taking it hard because I really liked him and he was putting the effort in but still.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, good for you for sticking up for yourself and unfriending him when you had that gut feeling something was off! Even if it was an impulse reaction, it was the right move.

And lmao how he came crawling back hitting you with the crocodile tears like "what'd I do?" Trying to turn it around on you and make HIM the victim. So manipulative and sketchy.

I'd say you definitely dodged a bullet there. Like you said, if he was really trying to build something real he wouldn't be online hunting for other chicks still. The blocking was just the nail in the coffin - he showed his whole ass and you deserved better.

I know it's hard since you really liked him, but trust me you'll look back and be glad you didn't let him waste anymore of your time. One day soon you'll meet someone who makes it clear you're the only one they want. Hang in there til then, and keep doing you! You got this.