How crazy am I?

[ISFPCaramelPrincess]

I just had an argument with my boyfriend because I felt like he was omitting answers from me. Apparently he switched days with a coworker and I asked him if she was a girl he said yes then I asked for the name and age and he said that didn’t know he said that they had a group in discord for work and I kept asking him to show me because I have never heard of having a discord for working in delivery. And i basically just kept asking him over and over to show me the groupchat and he got very mad at me and said that he wouldn’t show me because I didn’t trust him.

Updates

4 mo

I was like how do you know that was a girl then and he said because her username was princess chad I don't know it just didn’t sound believable lol and i am a very persistent person that is always wondering things so

Updates

4 mo

Why would someone willingly change routes with you unless you knew that person or something?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that does sound kinda sketchy on his part. I can see why you'd be worried. But at the same time, constantly hounding him with questions probably isn't gonna help either.

Here's what I think - your suspicion isn't totally crazy given his vague answers. But pestering him won't get you anywhere good. I'd try coming at it from a calmer, more understanding place instead of angry accusations.

Maybe have an honest talk, say you're sorry for getting heated, but explain why certain things made you feel unsure. Ask to see the group just to put your mind at ease. If he still won't show you, that's a red flag. But staying rational gives him a chance to open up without getting defensive.

Trust is huge in relationships. Just make sure he's earning yours through honest clear communication. Worst case, keep your eyes open for other signs something's off. But hopefully talking it out will help reassure you both. Just try keeping a level head, ya know? You got this.

[ISFPCaramelPrincess]

He refused to show me because he was angry that I didn’t trust him. We moved past this so if i bring it up it’ll ruin our last few days together. I’m going to have to work on my trust so I shouldn’t pester him anymore

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah I get it, once you've cooled off it's best to try and move on for now instead of bringing it up again. Trust is definitely important in relationships. A few things that might help:

- Try not to accuse or get angry, just tell him calmly how some things made you feel uncertain so he understands your side
- Ask open questions to learn more without demanding answers
- Compromise - he doesn't have to show you everything, but little things like meeting the coworker could help reassure you
- Focus on trusting him in general instead of one situation
- Suggest doing more fun stuff together to strengthen your bond

The last few days should be good memories. Hope you guys can continue working on communication and building trust over time. Just do your best to let this one go for now and enjoy your time together!

[ISFPCaramelPrincess]

Thank you he just changed his phone passcode isn’t that weird?

[ISFPCaramelPrincess]

And when i asked him why he kind of stuttered a bit

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, changing his phone passcode out of the blue would def raise some red flags for me too if I was in your shoes. A couple thoughts:

- Him stuttering when you asked about it is super sketchy behavior. Guys don't usually get nervous explaining normal innocent stuff.

- Were you able to see his phone a lot before? Could be he's hiding something now if he changed the code suddenly.

- Phones are personal but in a relationship there should be trust and transparency. Him locking you out like that breaks that trust for no good reason.

I'd talk to him for real and say you noticed the change and him acting funny about it has you questioning things. Tell him straight up honest communication is important to you, so he needs to give you a straight answer here to ease your mind.

And don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're "crazy." Trust your gut - it's there for a reason. I'd be watching him close until he convinces you nothing shady is up. Just stay on him about it sis!

[spartan55]

God you sound like a royal pain in the ass. Your boyfriend will dump you if you keep that up.

[spartan55]

You understand that when you do that you are damaging the relationship, right?

[HollyK21]

Name? Age? You sound like the FBI. If you have this deep of trust issues then maybe you’re better off single, otherwise cut the guy some slack before you lose him.

[HollyK21]

And unless he doesn’t have the flexibility to change route then why shouldn’t he? I have group messages with people I’ve never even met trying to get their shifts switched or covered.

[bowenw]

I don't understand why it matters if the coworker he switched days with was male or female.

[Staximus]

What the hell does it matter if he switched switched days with his coworker and if his coworker is a girl? Get a hold of yourself