Why do I get so needy everytime I am in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Something about me i find weird is how needy i get with my man. I crave attention, love, hugs, i need him to tell me that he loves me and i need reaffirmation that he would never leave me everyday. I find that i am a little insecure and maybe scared of losing him so i start acting like a little child. It doesn’t seem to annoy him and he loves affirming me. It bothers me though and i feel like i have deeper issues. Any tips?

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get where you're coming from. Being needy in relationships used to be a thing for me too.

For me, I think it came from low self-esteem and always feeling like the other person would find someone "better" than me. So I'd constantly be checking in to reassure myself they still cared. It definitely stemmed from inner insecurity.

A few things that helped me:

- Working on self-love. Really focusing on reminding myself daily of my good qualities and why I deserve to be loved too.

- Not making the relationship my sole source of happiness. Keeping other fulfilling things in my life like hobbies, friends, goals.

- Communicating needs in a healthy way instead of dropping hints for reassurance. Use "I feel" statements like "I feel insecure when we don't talk for a while."

- Trusting my partner cares until they give me reason not to. Constant checking-in pushes people away.

It takes time but you got this! The fact you recognize it means you're ready to grow. Your dude sounds supportive too. Just keep working on yourself and the needy feelings will fade over time. You deserve to feel secure, queen!

[Anonymous]

Matthew 4:4

''But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.''

I can already assume that you are not feeding your spirit. When this occurs, the flesh will try to fill in the gap. But in order to feed the spirit you will need to develop discipline and work on it daily. This is where I notice many do not. Once you start doing this, you wouldn't even have the time to obsess over that guy anyway...

[NamerOfStars]

How fortunate, then, that she wasn't asking about bread. Nor was she asking how to become a slave to God. I'd remind YOU of Exodus 20:7.

[Opinion Owner]

@NamerOfStars Thanks for the response. I appreciate it and have looked more deeply concerning Exodus 20:7 and will definitely keep this in mind in future!

[sheikalana]

You're just young and immature and probably inexperienced when it comes to relationships. That's not necessarily an issue it's life and hopefully with time you'll understand you don't need all that. Be aware that not all men will do that for you even if they are madly in love with you. Also you cannot expect someone to say he'll never leave you when you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or in the future. Don't make promises you can't keep cuz even you don't know and in the end you might be the one leaving him and then you demanded all those 'reaffirmations' for what?

[Anonymous]

Abandonment wound. Doing the work to heal the wound by learning to be alone in a healthy and fulfilling way, will help you relax into a more secure attachment style. You will fear being alone until you learn to validate and give worth to yourself. Being with others good but you will have nothing of value to share with others, until you work on yourself. You are worthy.

[Autumnfall27]

Girl that is the bare minimum. If a man can’t reassure you without huffing and puffing is he really the one for you? Men should do this without you having to ask. They should be perusing you even after they have you. This should be a constant thing. And you should feel their love constantly