I’m a brown skinned Black woman who doesn’t date black men. How much have I limited my dating pool?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 21 year old black woman Im by no means a supermodel but I am slim 5,6” and decently pretty face wise. I do not date black men, generally I’m not totally against but I just don’t think it’s really possible for me.

The main reason being I find most boring and unattractive I feel most don’t really have much personality. Aside from that the conventionally attractive ones are surrounded by women and often playboys which I find gross. To add on I’m a big nerd and never meet black men interested in my similar hobbies.

It’s not like I’m rejecting them either (so the feelings generally mutual) only the really pushy black men chase me but they do that too everyone. I’m not their type either trust me.

The problem is most Asian guys are not interested in black women same with middle eastern guys. White guys are mixed and hispanic men typically have racist families (speaking from experience many many times) So I’m not sure of my options. Black men can exclusively date non black women with no issue because they have so many options but it’s not the same for black women. How much have I limited my dating pool if I do not date black men as a black woman?

Updates

3 mo

This is excluding mixed raced black men because I feel I can connect with them very well they’re just harder to find.

[DizzyDesii]

Its all in where you live, how diverse it is, how you look/act and overall carry yourself. Black men are my main preference but I fall for whomever I fall for. My current dude is white (irish/ukrainian) but I have dated many black men, mixed men, Asian, hispanic, white, etc. My city is very diverse. The way I carry myself, I always tended to attract shy white lonewolf country/farm boys, bold athletic overly popular black men as well as “old enough to be my dad” creepy white and black men, overly social gymfreak east/southeast Asian men, cocky mixed (usually with black or hispanic) men, hot but controlling hispanic/latino men, shy/nerdy/clingy but sweet south Asians, and petty but pretty hot European exchange students. So dating outside of my race did not narrow the playing field. It extended it and introduced me to all kinda of cools and crazies. Its just all in whose around and whose into you in return. During and after my college years, I was surrounded by more men of other ethnicities so thats just what I often ended up with. I didn't settle for them but dating outside of my race wasn't a goal either

[DizzyDesii]

The Asian and pcific islander guys that i often attracted were Filipino, Japanese, Saudi Arabian, Singaporean, Paki, Sri Lnkan, Armenian, Hawaiian, Turk, and Indian. Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai were definitely on the odds here where i live. The Chinese and Thai often make it clear they are not interested in the black women here. If you live in Cali or NY tho, more American born Asian men will be interested.

[wolfcat87]

Interesting, I don't mesh well with the majority of black guys either. I've met maybe 3 that were into nerdy stuff. Have definitely been hit on by Asian and middle eastern men, but middle eastern families have definitely been racist in my experience. They'd rather their son marry a poor girl with blonde hair and blue eyes or their own cousin than a mixed girl with money. Forget his happiness. Never ran into a racist hispanic family yet, so there's a lot of potential there. Most latin American communities have black people. Mexico, Cuba, Puerto Rico, etc. Brazil is Portuguese and has black people as well.

Black women have more options than black men when it comes to dating. Black women just tend to be pickier. My black mother has never had any shortage of white men hitting on her. She always turns them down. You're not going to have any problem finding white men to date unless you live in an area lacking white men.

[SeymourBill420]

I would definitely have to admit that outside of personality and so forth I find a lot of black women very attractive. Not all. I'm not really attracted to the serious ghetto type I do like a little ghetto. And I do not like the big ones if you know what I mean. But, there's definitely been a lot of black girls that have been weak in the knees for. And I've been with a couple handful in a non-relationship sense.

Personally I've never dated a black girl. But, I would definitely not be opposed to it and I would gauge her as I would a person of any other race. The skin color would not mean anything to me. But, like I said I have found quite a lot of black women attractive over my years. I may be a little bit old for you. But, if I'm not or in my opinion I would definitely date a black girl and I would be in your dating pool if you wanted me to be in your dating pool 😉

[DarkWinterNights]

On a basic level? Yes. And in the past it probably wouldn’t be a very big issue because people interacted in-person more openly and we had a culture - at least in America. These days where everyone’s been reduced to what they look like and have to be put in a box and labeled, it is going to be tougher. But let’s be real- it’s tough in general. While unrealistic expectations should be re-examined and changed if possible, you also need to be compatible with a partner for a lasting and successful relationship.


Your best bet is probably going to be the same as everyone else’s in this current day. Involve yourself in more in-person events for whatever hobbies and activities you enjoy and be open and friendly to meeting new people.

[Avicenna]

A skinny, nerdy black woman? Just my type...

I think there would be lot of interest among white guys, but probably not among Asian guys or some Hispanic nationalities (Puerto Ricans and Dominicans are likely to be most interested).

[Jkgordon]

Well my friend you will attract what you are meaning if you don’t like black guys you probably won’t attract them. I actually signed up to a dating site just to see because I’m like you; I don’t like them either. I was married to one. Guess what I post my pics and listed my hobbies etc and an abundance of white guys responded. Maybe 2 or 3 black guys responded. So many responses I never responded. I did it for fun. I actually enjoy being single. Don’t rush love it will happen naturally. Don’t act like a phony valley girl either. Don’t worry about their family not liking you. If you two like each other who cares about their family. You are putting that negative obstacle in your path. Think of Prince Harry & Meghan. Her mom is a real black woman with dreds. The racist whites hate her. You think Harry gives a shhiitt? NOPE! He loves her and married her~

[Billlewis]

I was wondering if you were going to get to this one. I've dated Black women exclusively for more than thirty years.

[Jkgordon]

Really? What nationality are you? And what do you like about us? Well I’m American Black. This Jewish lady I use to work with ask me was I from Cape Verde I never heard of the place.

[7Phoenix7]

Your reasoning is off. Date a man who have the same interests as you, regardless of race.

It would be different if you said you aren't attracted to the way black men look. But you grouped all black men into a box and said they're all the same.

[Asker]

I also don’t like how they look so 🤷🏾‍♀️

[7Phoenix7]

Then it's better to to just say that. And hopefully you find a guy that likes you

[Dinklex3]

I mean… You’re limiting yourself based on what you assume someone’s character or personality will be based on their skin color, lol.

I don’t know how much you’re limiting yourself by. Guess it depends on your area. Due to my location I mostly dated white men up to my early 20s because that’s what was around. Whoever they had at whatever location I moved to was who I got involved with.

[Miah04]

I don't know. Probably not much. Other races have plenty of men who find black women attractive.

So you should be fine. But i noticed a lot especially white men get nervous to ask us out. a lot of them assume, we have no interest in white men. It's why they always ask "would you date a white guy?"

[Notherndude84]

I think you might be excluding men unfairly, keep an open mind. I would focus on shared values, similar interests and attraction and not so much the actual skin colour of a man.

[Asker]

I don’t have similar values or interests to most black men and i’m not attracted to them. If I found the ideal black man no problem but It’s just generally not my preference

[Notherndude84]

I won’t pass judgement on your choices, it’s your choice who you choose to have sex with or peruse a relationship with

[ChiTown33]

I'd say that depends a lot on your social-ness (you claimed to be a nerd, how much do you leave the house? A guy isn't going to break into your house and ask you out🤣), other restrictions you have, and the demographics of where you live.

[Asker]

I go out almost everyday i just also have nerdier interests. I’m still a very extroverted girly type woman

[lightbulb27]

I think you improve your odds if you live in a city with more opportunities, in an area you'd find whom you are drawn to. I see dark women with light guys. not a lot, but some.

[Anonymous]

Probably eliminated a large portion considering the White and Latino guys have people in their family that are racist somewhere, I experienced it when I dated my ex wife at the time who is black and I’m white but it usually wasn’t a problem, you would be surprised how many white guys would date a black woman but don’t think they would date a white guy so they never approach them

[RavVid]

Technically by 1/5 th.

But you could improve your odds by understanding what men look for in a woman as a lot of women are making themselves unacceptable

[The_Canddyman]

It's all about location. No matter what your preference is, different areas have different demographics so put yourself in a place that has the demographics that you are attracted to and you won't be limiting your options at all.

[Asker]

I live in a racially mixed area would a more white or hispanic area be better? I feel like I could be less desired there as the odd one out?

[exitseven]

After reading this I think ot is a shame that we feel like we are limited by race. I know everyone has preferences but not every black guy is from the ghetto.

[WhyohWhy69]

Anytime you eliminate a portion of society, you’re limiting yourself. It’s just common sense.

[Asker]

I know I’m limiting myself but by how much🤦🏾‍♀️

[WhyohWhy69]

You’d have to look up population stats of you want to know specifics. I’d look at regional stats as for the most accurate reading.

[yourpalval]

Meh try not to think of it as preference its hard nuff to fidn a spark so just spark with someone anyone and evaluate if its sumn u wanna pursue or not

[msc545]

You should never approach or date people you are not attracted to because it isn't fair to you or to them.

That said, you also have to live with the conseuences of doing this, and in your case, that may mean dating nobody.

[pickles77]

it depends on the demographic around you. It might be harder only dating white men because most will stick to what they are familiar with but i would be open to dating a black women

[Asker]

I live in a racially mixed area is that better or worse?

[Staximus]

I'm sure if you go places where there are a bunch of nerds you will find one, no matter what race. Nerds usually know nothing about girls so you might have to make the first move.

[JacobJordan]

Theoretically not much provided you are a feminine and good womam.

[getwiththepg]

If you hang around more of your white girlfriends, you’ll probably find someone you like at a party or something. I don't know

[stratford]

Why aren't you dating black men? I don't understand.

[Asker]

I wrote in my question description I don’t connect with them or find them attractive.

[stratford]

All black men? Every single black man on the planet?

[Asker]

I said in the post I’m not strictly against I just generally avoid dating them. I find 99% unattractive in looks or personality

[stratford]

Fair enough. Just for the record, I'm not black.
I would just keep an open mind and try to focus on experiences and doing things you like. You'll naturally come across guys that you share common ground with.