Is it a red flag if a guy says he doesn’t want a serious long term relationship?

Question

Im 26 and never had a boyfriend. Most guys tell me they don’t want a serious relationship. Aren’t looking for long term relationships.
Even tho I obviously would like a husband one day, but how do girls get short term serious relationships and break up? I would like that as i never had a guy follow me attend dinners parties holidays with our family. I’m always alone while my families all bring their boyfriend / girlfriend.
I want experience all that even if it’s short term one year.

by serious relationship does that mean like marriage/living together? I’m confused.

the only serious thing I’ve done is go on many dates that’s it in my entire life.

by saying he don’t want a serious relationship does it mean he don’t want to marry never? Just hookup? Please help

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

I'll dice this. " I want experience all that even if it’s short term one year. " Trust me, you wouldn't want to experience hard disappointment and heartbreak. It takes a toll on your self-esteem/self-worth and confidence level. My recent ex broke up with me after only five months. It's good not five years, or two years, yes, but still, all those memories we formed together can no longer happen. All the plans we made together, will not happen anymore and sometimes, that sucks more than being alone and enjoying yourself! At least YOU accept yourself! If you were in a relationship and it ended, you'll have to tell your family that it didn't work out and they'll be sad/disappointed for you. What I hate the most about failed relationships is the unfulfilled dreams and goals you two made together for the future and how you begin to question your ability to CHOOSE the right people for your life!  " by serious relationship does that mean like marriage/living together? I’m confused ." This would depend on the two people involved. Could be marriage with kids. Could be just living together long-term (if they don't believe in marriage or think "it's just a piece of paper). It really depends on the couple involved and what their goals are.  " the only serious thing I’ve done is go on many dates that’s it in my entire life ." That's life. Sometimes, it lasts and someone is interested in more. Other times, you need to keep looking. Sorry you're going through that frustration by the way. I have really nothing to offer or say in regards to that. Luckily you still have time to try and find someone if you are serious about it. As long as someone is alive, they might still be able to find someone. By the way, being married and having a family is also a big responsibility, so make sure you really know what you're getting into.  " by saying he don’t want a serious relationship does it mean he don’t want to marry never? Just hookup ?" Depends on the dude. He might just not be wanting to marry YOU in particular or not marry at all. It really depends. You can never really know for sure. But regardless, you'll need to move on if he's not able to give you what you are wanting so as to not waste any more of your precious time with someone who's a jerk.

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

I am curious on how you are coming across when talking to these guys? I get the feeling you are quite upfront about never having a boyfriend and then maybe list all the hopes and expectations you have? This might be overwhelming to a guy and straight away puts his wall up and makes him feel he needs to calm your expectations right down!! I could be wrong and they are just players. But at least honest players. There is NO guarantee in any relationship. It could last 3 weeks, 3 years or 30! So it's difficult to go into dating saying "I want a serious longterm committed relationship". Just say you are looking for a relationship not hook ups! You are *hoping* for a long relationship. But say let's date and see how it goes? I think guys are less likely to run away then and if you are clear on the no sex then hopefully the players will quickly show they are not interested. Although of course you might be a challenge. There's no guarantees and you might get burned. This is also the risk we take. I am not an expert. I have opposite problem. I have sex too quickly. Or even if we spend weeks chatting first, once we have sex it becomes either a casual sex friendship. Or nothing. I am trying to learn too, like you, how to start getting real commitment. But that's my initial thoughts ok!

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Yeah I'd say it's definitely a red flag if a guy tells you straight up he doesn't want anything serious. Most likely means he just wants something casual without any commitment.

I can understand wanting some relationship experience even if it's not forever. Nothing wrong with that. But it can be really easy to get hurt if you go into something knowing the other person doesn't see a future in it.

Some tips I'd give - look for a guy who's open to seeing where things could go rather than ruling out serious straight away. someone who wants to date exclusively and calls you their girlfriend. That shows they see potential even if they're not marriage minded yet.

Also be honest with yourself about what you're willing to accept - be clear on your boundaries so you don't end up giving more than he can. And definitely don't introduce him to friends/fam early on if he's said he doesn't do relationships.

It's tough when everyone around you is coupled up and you want that too. But better to wait for someone decent who wants the same level of commitment as you than settle for a guy who may only let you down later when his intentions are different. Stay hopeful though - you'll find the right person eventually!

RavVid · Accepted Answer

I guess serious long term relationship has the meaning he gives to it and that might be different to every person.

At the least I would say it excludes marriage or cohabiting and implies a relatively short period.

The serious side of it might mean that it isn't monogamous and he is free to pick up other girls.

Long term is similarly vague. I would want to keep it under 11 months due to how local law works where I am but that is not saying anything about his perspective.

You need to ask him what is serious to him and what is short term then decide if that is suitable for you.

At 26 you still have youth and fertility but you are getting to the serious phases of life. If you would like a husband and children then maybe how do you get that is your real question. Your would also immediately have the answer this guy will waste your time.

Anonymous · Answer

I think the issue is that you keep saying
“ I want long term relationship ” to these men. Then the men think you want to incarcerate them. Or that you want their money.

You’re not supposed to say shit to them. It’s supposed to come natural to the man. With the passing of time.

You’re supposed to make a man fall for you. Fall real hard for you. First it starts with lust with his physical attraction to you. Then you’re supposed to show him your spirit. Through this process that man is still NOT ideally wanting a marriage or long term relationship. He’s just discovering you. As a friend first. And as someone he wishes to be intimate with.

Then you need to give it more time. Many months of seeing this person on the daily so they can get used to you 🫵 and your personality. Your smell. Your scent. 🫵

And even after 6 months of him seeing you and inspecting you 🫵 that man is still NOT ideally wanting a marriage or long term relationship.

Then you have to make your admiration towards him known. And that’s when he can become even more impressed with you and even more sexually aroused to you.

Yes it is, kind of a be-witching technique that make a relationship even happen. But it needs to happen. After this, then comes the flirting. Laughing. Seeing him constantly. Change your looks and hairdo constantly. And more and more he’ll desire you.

After a year of you being in his presence and his friend, and flirting with him. And blushing at him. Then you can make your feelings known. By making someone tell him about you or by you sending a text message, or asking for his phone number social media etc.

Now your crush on him is known. There’s no turning back. By now it’s almost a full year. And you’re both staring at eachother constantly and admiring eachother.

Now it’s his turn to ask you out on date. You’ve given all the signs. You’re confirmed your crush. The feelings seem mutual.

The chances of a “LONG TERM” relationship stemming from this, are higher almost 70% this could turn into long term relationship or marriage. Per that man’s own decision on his own. Not yours 🫵

( the problem is you keep going on these dates with men you barely know telling them you want a relationship 😬 you understand how cringe that is? It’s like you know nothing of courtship )

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Honey you need to set boundaries first of all. Don't just get with someone for the sake of being with them. I know it sucks to be the only single person at a family function or with friends but pointless relationships get so lonely and boring. Put yourself out there. Your going to get some rejection and sometimes you'll be rejected more than accepted. Just learn from the rejection and move forward. Fake confidence. Men are more attracted to confident women. I had to fake it for years until one day I woke up and didn't need to fake it anymore. Best thing to really do is work on yourself stop looking for love for awhile and it will possibly fall into your lap. Whenever I've found a long term relationships it's when I wasn't looking and they just popped into my life. The more you force it the more the others will be thrown off by you. Just live your best life be you and you'll fine someone honey your still young I'm still young and I didn't find a healthy stable relationship until I was 32 so give it time

Squatting_Slav · Answer

I'm not expert in guy's behaviour but I do know when a man says this, he's essentially communicating that things are maybe going too quick and he needs more time to get to know you. That's scenario no.1. Scenario 2. they could genuinely be fuckboys who Just want sex and are that by nature. Regardless, if you spend enough time with someone and treat them well, honest, playful, fun and don't take things too serious that's how feelings develop and turn into something serious where commitment develops.

This also goes both ways, I've made mistakes in the past where I have mentioned relationsips, past exes etc and it scares them off, it is nothing to do with looks of personality.

I find that that saying nothing or asking nothing about the past of relationship talks takes stress/strain and pressure on all party's shoulders and thus, dating is far more fun when you love somone unconditionally where the 'person' is the primary focus not the 'relationship'

I only speak from experience here however, you may totally disagree!

lightbulb27 · Answer

a lot of guys say that at that age. you can look in other circles for guys, as some do want that.

until then, you can just be casual dating and explore... can do that with boundaries that work for you.

people have fears and they change their minds.

sawno · Answer

Its not a red flag when a guy says he is not looking for a serious long term relationship, its him being honest with you. But do take his word for it, this will be a fun casual relationship for sex and companionship until he's ready to move on. If that is not what you want your not compatible and need to find someone else.

wolfcat87 · Answer

If you want more, then you'll have to nix those guys right away. They are just going to waste your time. They aren't going to change their mind for you. You'll miss all the men who do want serious relationships. How are you finding these men? If online, then make sure your profile states you want more and what you're hoping for. Only talk to men who want the same.

hahahmm · Answer

At 27 you don't have unlimited time to find a guy. It will get harder and harder the older you get. My advice is focus on finding a guy who is husband & good dad material. And you focus on being a woman who a guy would think is wife & good mom material. Time is short. Stop goofing around.

Phoenix98 · Answer

In regards to the wanting to experience it all even if it’s short term trust me no you don’t. The disappointment, heartbreak and pain takes it toll after a while.

As for red flags them not being interested in something serious and long term is a red flag if serious long term relationships are what your looking me.

when in a relationship it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page and want similar things.

Paris13 · Answer

Nowadays, many and Plenty of Guys want to Either Date, Play the Field or Have Sex. friends with benefits, or a One Nigher. I Took Up All Of The Good Ones When I Had Many Dates and Mates. lolxxoo

nawtee_me · Answer

Whether it is a red flag or not would depend on if you wanted a long term relationship or not. Some people do and some don’t.

The thing is do you want to be in a relationship just to be in one or are you looking for something more than playing house. Relationships take work and the reason most don’t work out is because either one or both don’t want to put forth the effort to make it work out.

Anonymous · Answer

In my book, there is no such thing as "serious long term relationship" when you plan for it. It is either marriage or "lets have casual fun for as long as it lasts". Now if your casual relationship ends up lasting very long, then looking at the elapsed time, you can say it has been a long term fornication fiesta. But marriage is the only form of committed relationship. It is not just a paper (as most people call it). Marriage is a legal social contract.

Lynx122 · Answer

It's not a red flag he's just letting you know so you don't have these expectations and then get disappointed later.

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is your sign to move on to someone else. Men like that are not worth wasting your time on.

CozyCoffin · Answer

Not necessarily. Sure, they say that right now, but how do you know that they won't change their mind later? Yellow flag to me, as in proceed with caution.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Girl, what are you even asking here? You're all over the place. Why are you worried that he doesn't want a long term relationship if YOU don't even want one either? 🤷

slatyb · Answer

That depends on what you want. At least he's honest about it.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Your resourcefulness is impressive; your persistence is not. Move on.

lilyanony1 · Answer

I wouldn't keep barking up their tree. Keep it moving, date men that want the same things you do.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Stop chasing Chad Thundercock and give an average guy a shot.

Pohjolan · Answer

but how do girls get short term serious relationships and break up? I would like that Simple, they date a guy that wants a long term relationship and then dump him.

laly520 · Answer

it isn't a red flag if he is sincere with it he just doesn't want it

DreamLife7 · Answer

That means he doesn't like, "YOU" he doesn't want a relationship with ,"YOU". If his dream girl came along he would change his mind

Djaay · Answer

How is that a red flag? It's just simple that he's not into having relations for any other reason than to have sex when oppertunity permits.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a "red flag" if a guy is honest with you?

Monalisa77 · Answer

Im 36 and never had a boyfriend

LiamJHayden · Answer

Red flags are whatever you deem them to be.

zagor · Answer

It is if that is what you're looking for.

Notherndude84 · Answer

He wants to be friends and/or have sex

Brianp · Answer

No. He’s not ready to commit

LazerBean · Answer

Of course

Roudyrebel8 · Answer

I'd say yes

Anonymous · Answer

No, not necessarily.

Is it a red flag if a guy says he doesn’t want a serious long term relationship?

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