Do guys usually ask women to be their girlfriends, or do they just go on dates and assume that they're automatically in relationships?

[Anonymous]

Are there things that guys do to express their desire for being in relationships with women? I've heard guys give flowers to ask if women wanted to be their girlfriends, but is that common, or old school?

Or do people just go on a few dates and assume that they're automatically in relationships, meaning guys would start putting their hands on women's hips, etc. all without asking.

Updates

+1 y

I prefer clear communication, but I don't want to tell a guy that he needs to let me know when it's time for us to commit in the relationship if he's not even thinking of that yet, since I'm okay with longer dating phase and not jump into a relationship just to be in one. It's just that certain things I'll only do with my boyfriend so I do need a guy to express it clearly if we're a couple or not.

[ProbablyClueless]

There are definitely guys out there who will presume that they're dating someone after a few dates, but I don't think that it is a particularly common assumption. I do think that a lot of guys hesitate to raise the question because of how often women get WEIRD about it. Many times, it feels the conversation is just uncomfortable, and if there isn't really a need to have it, a lot of people would prefer to leave things unsaid.

I would probably say that more women get weird about the "what are we" conversation than men because most men aren't really changing their lives all that much when they start officially dating someone. But women tend to change a lot and they're on a much shorter timeline when finding guys to settle down with than the other way around.

I'm very much the kind of guy who has no problem saying "hey Jane, we've gone on 3 or 4 dates, we seem to get along well, we have a lot of shared values; do you want to be a couple?" And that's when I'll usually get some stupid retort along the lines of "I don't have time for dating," or "I'm working on myself and I'm not in a place to form emotional connections," and then a week later she'll have some freak out and block me on everything.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Gender aside, I consider people who are looking for some exclusive title are generally just trying to cut the other's options off. Both males and females do this for their own reasons.

Flowers or stuff like that is sort of manipulative... I would look at it with suspicion. If a male or a female uses any sort of social pressure to sway you in one way or the other... that's some dark triad shit. That's on the level of your average salesman or a politician...

[lilyanony1]

They date you. And during that process you are both clear about what you are looking for.
If they align then it can just develop naturally if you are getting on. Or he will say or ask you to be his girlfriend.
Really depends on the guy and their communication style I guess.

[Aishakaba]

If a guy is not saying out of his mouth I want you to be my girlfriend. And I mean those exact words, seriously no bullshit no ring around a rosie, you is not his girl Periodt

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't know how other guys handle it. When I was dating around the third to fifth date, I would ask a lady if she was ready to commit to dating exclusively.

[ZackBan]

So long as I can formulate sentences I would use them to verbalize my intentions.

That being said: there's also non-verbal communication to consider.

Meaning if my and my date are both showing interest in physical touch I won't just stop and say no not without a commitment. I would keep going because it's important to live these moments.

But ultimately I wouldn't keep a girl guessing, after a few dates we can have a talk.

[HawkPerception]

I would never just assume that a girl is my girlfriend just because we went out together. I always ask the question "Do you wanna make it official?"

I honestly think only low IQ dudes just assume they're in a relationship because they went out with a girl a few times.

[Phoenix98]

I’ve done it but I also knew those the girls personally beforehand and we knew wether or not we clicked or not.

but with someone you don’t know it’s better just to ask them out on a date and keep doing that until you get to the point where you think your both ready to actually be partners in a committed relationship.

[JayBones]

I never asked a girl to "go out" with me. I've never "broken up" with anyone either. If we are going on dates, we were dating, if we were not going on dates we were not dating any more. I asked a woman to marry me and that's all a man should ever ask.

[Pohjolan]

Women can see it as being clingy or low value if a guy tries to talk her into a committed relationship too soon.

Usually that initiative should come from the woman.

However if it the dynamics start to reflect a committed relationship anyway then either can have the talk.

[TenderFantasy]

Well with my last ex, he asked me and I agreed to it.

[Billlewis]

. If she decides to answer her phone when I call her for a second date, then I assume that is a distinct possibility.

[strateguy632]

if she agreed to the date of a second date i assume we are in a relationship without words nor category names.

[rosemilk]

if you don't ask, then you'll be stuck in a situationship, which is not ideal.

[HouseMoat]

I think girls would prefer we do butttttt, typically yeah, we just go out on dates and assume we are, or well, at least "go out" as friends, until we actually "make a move"

[Asker]

And what is that "move"? 🤔

[HouseMoat]

Whatever he decides to do, right?

[HouseMoat]

"telling them", just means, you don't want to know that he might still be dating other women

Basically, what you're saying is, you HAVE to know, just to control him

[Asker]

It's not to control him. I think it's normal that people want to know if they're in a relationship or not, so they're not inadvertently cheating on their partners and dating other people while in a relationship.

[HouseMoat]

That's called control. Lol. It shouldn't matter if they are or not. You just don't want them dating others

[Asker]

Uh, that's what a committed relationship means, that 2 people are committed to a relationship. If any or both people are seeing other people, then that's not a committed relationship.

It's also not just for me to know that a guy isn't dating others, it's also for him to know that I'm not dating others. It's fair on both ends.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Going on a few dates doesn't mean we're in a relationship. I've never assumed I'm in one.

[Apple1996]

Making it official is much different than just dating

[Simslover92]

I don't know about other guys but my boyfriend asked me did I want to be his girlfriend.

[sheikalana]

From my experience you become their girlfriend after some time.

[Asker]

So there's not a step or action that a guy does which defines the relationship?

[sheikalana]

You’ll have conversations about your expectations and where do you see things going and see if you both are in the same page. When in doubt you should always ask. You should not carry on if you don’t know if you’re in a committed relationship or if it’s just casual.

[JacobJordan]

If I ask a woman out it is because I am asking her to be in a relationship with me that is how it worked for a long time.

[Jamie05rhs]

I personally would never assume.

But I would also not put my hands on her even if we WERE in a relationship!

[Jamie05rhs]

Your strategy has a fatal flaw. He can get whatever he wants from you just by speaking words. It could be a complete lie!

[Asker]

Okay, I'd like to hear if you have better strategies?

Because I want to be in a long-term relationship, then I would need to trust a guy at some point, if he genuinely wanted a long-term relationship as well, otherwise I'd just be a woman who has trust issues 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, the number 1 thing you need to do is have boundaries. And enforce those boundaries. When I say boundaries, I mean regarding physical touch.

Have you ever seen the movie "Think Like A Man" with Steve Harvey? If you haven't, watch it.

[Jamie05rhs]

And yes, you need to know if he genuinely wants a long-term relationship. And how you find that out is by seeing if he actually puts in the WORK necessary to build a long-term relationship. There are a lot of deep conversations that you guys will need to have. If he can't have those conversations, or he can't have them while keeping his hands to himself, then I would really question his motivations and why he is there spending time with you. Because in that case he may only want something short-term.

[Asker]

Okay but once I've had a lot of deep conversations with a guy and gave him a green light, I can ask him about his intentions and if he's in for a committed relationship right? I don't understand how you said my strategies are flawed. I'm just going by the steps. I don't jump in a relationship with just any guy.

My question was if guys usually do or say something to mark they beginning of a relationship, after having been on dates for a while, or do people just "automatically" become couples since they've been seeing each other.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input

[RossyBoi]

I would never ask a woman to be my girlfriend or put my hand on her hips without asking. That would amount to indecent assault and be an invasion of her privacy.

[fuddly]

Eventually, especially with sex, there will be a conversation about exclusiveness

The word girlfriend sounds like younger age group

Exclusive partner is effectively same

[Joshydavid25]

I would just ask her, to be my girlfriend.. Or do it in a romantic, dramatic way..

[Djaay]

I just put my full interest and intentions straight out on the table. If she's interested or not she'll tell me... next

[Keith469]

I start with casual dates, and if I like what's happing, then I'll open a conversation about taking things to the next level.

[Keith469]

Flowers may not mean that much. I went on a first date last week who had a picture of flowers on her dating profile under the prompt "Dating me will look like..."

I brought the closest match I could find to the flowers in the picture to show that I was paying attention.

Red roses, on the other hand, especially on Valentine's Day, are a sign that he wants you to think he's really into you - either because he really is, or because he's trying to manipulate you. Trust your gut.

[Danny_dan92]

Date them until you determine they’re the one. Then ask the question

[Zestyassmf1997]

I personally will usually straight up ask after a few dates.

[Twalli]

I think we need to ask. At least according to my sister, it doesn't count unless you ask them to be your girlfriend.

[Twalli]

My sister asked out her ex. He thought they were already dating, so if he hasn't asked you out, he may not think they need to. My girlfriend and I made out before I asked her out and probably wouldn't have if my sister hadn't told me that we aren't girlfriend and boyfriend until I actually ask her out.

[lillyyylea]

I think it is important because there‘s friends with benefits, situationships etc so you can never really be sure unless he asks and romance is important

[Anonymous]

My first date I knew we were together but it doesn't usually go like that for me.

[LiamJHayden]

If I want to be exclusive I verbalize it. If I haven't, we are not.

[whistlingwh0res]

All men are thief. I wouldn’t trust anything they say

[sawno]

I ask once I am certain about her

[sawno]

(Or in cases where I want to do it in a special way but can't yet like in my last LDR i'd let her know that I would say yes if she asked, but delay the moment until we can make it special).

[Anonymous]

Actually it is hard to say one of them. It depends on the relation between.

[dudeinohio]

There is a discussion to make it official

[DreamLife7]

He's not interested in you lol 😆

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like u. Are u dumb? Stop begging. When a man likes you he will let u know. Damn is there a brain up there?

[tierrlamé]

Both