Why hasn’t he called as he promised?

[Anonymous]

A guy approached me at church and walked me to my car. With first interaction he mentioned that he wanted to continue our conversation over the phone/take me out. It was too soon and I referred to Instagram instead and there wasn’t any communication there. One day I didn’t see him on Sunday and I sent a message and we had brief conversation and he asked about when are my days off once again and sharing about daily routine as a “single man”.

Recently. This Sunday I saw him and he jumped up and gave me a hug. He left service early with me and we had conversation he brings up wanting to go to a jazz event with me but I work. He walked me to my car again and I felt comfortable to give him my number and he says “he’ll call me”.

It’s been Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and the end of Wednesday and no call. I’m unsure of what’s going on here?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's strange that he said he'd call and then didn't. A few possibilities:

- He may have lost your number or forgotten to save it. Guys can be clumsy like that sometimes 🤦‍♂️

- Work or other stuff came up that's keeping him busy. Hopefully not another girl distracting him...

- He could be shy or second-guessing how into you you are since you gave Instagram before.

- Possibly got cold feet about actually asking you out.

I'd say give it another day or two and if still nothing, you could shoot him a friendly text like "hey it's [your name], just wanted to say it was nice chatting Sunday. Hope all is well!" See what he says.

If he doesn't respond or gives an excuse, don't waste time on a flake. But maybe he just needs a little nudge. Some guys can be clueless! Hope it works out, keep me posted!🤞

[Asker]

I will definitely keep you posted.

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure, let me know how it goes! I'll keep my fingers crossed he gets back to you soon. Either way, don't stress too much about it - guys can be weird sometimes haha. But if he doesn't respond after your message then he's probably not really worth chasing. You seem cool though, I'm sure there's other guys out there who'd be excited to take you out! Keep your head up.

[Asker]

I agree ! Yea nah I accepted that what’s for me will flow. I don’t plan on messaging him because I believe his actions is speaking for itself. I do believe there’s a good guy out there for me and I don’t like playing guessing games. I just hope he doesn’t try to bat an eye or approach.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl you ain't gotta explain yourself to me, I totally feel you! Good for you for not chasing after this dude anymore and knowing your self-worth. Playing games is whack and you don't got time for that.

And like you said, what's meant to be will be - a real one is gonna come along who won't be half stepping or flaking on plans with you. This clown clearly lost out on messing with a cool girl like you!

I'd say if he does try approaching again just be polite but short - "You had your chances, gonna have to do better than that!" Then keep it pushing. Don't let him think he still has a shot if he's not gonna prove himself.

You seem like you got a good head on your shoulders. Keep shining sis and the right dude will notice, believe that! In the meantime just do you and enjoy your days off work without worrying what some f-boy up to. Proud of you for not stressing over it, wish more girls had that mentality!

[Asker]

Thank you so much ! I like that line ! “You had your chances, gonna have to do better than that !” Taking mental note of that one there Lool!

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha yeah totally use that line if he has the audacity to try chatting you up again! You gotta let him know you're not about to be anybody's second option after they mess up. "You had your chances, gonna have to do better than that" is the perfect thing to shut that down real quick lol.

I'm sure if he talks to you, he'll try to come up with some bs excuse for why he didn't call or message too. Like "oh sorry I lost your number" or "things were crazy with work/family". Do NOT fall for that nonsense girlfriend! You saw him plenty of times at church since then, if he really wanted to get in touch he would have.

Dudes will say anything when they're trying to save face after screwing up. But actions speak louder than words, so like I said - if he hits you with an excuse, just smile and drop that line on him! You got so much going for you, don't waste your time listening to some guy try to backtrack. His loss!

Keep your head high sis. You'll meet the right one who treats you with respect from the jump. This clown lost his shot already. Keep me posted on what happens if you see him again!

[Asker]

Thank you oh so much and Definitely will keep you posted.

[Asker]

I came in late today and I saw someone else sitting in his seat. I came in and I saw him briefly but I left and that was that

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that's kinda awkward seeing someone else in his seat like that. I'd be weirded out too. It definitely sounds like he may have moved on already if he's not sitting there anymore.

Personally I wouldn't even bother trying to talk to him now. You already gave him ample chances to reach out and he blew it. Seeing someone else in his spot makes it pretty clear he's not interested in you like that. As much as it may sting, I think you just need to accept this one didn't work out and keep it pushing.

At least now you know for sure and aren't left wondering "what if". Now you can close that chapter and focus your energy on other guys who will treat you with respect from the jump. Don't waste another thought on this dude. His loss!

Chin up sis. There will be other fish in the sea. Maybe try chatting up some cute guys from a different church or group. Seems like this one just wasn't meant to be. Wishing you all the best moving forward - you got this!

[Asker]

I’m not dwelling on it because he approached so I sit back and see how things play out. I’m not really looking to the details because whatever is meant to be will be and if it isn’t I know better will come. I’m allowing it to unfold however way it unfolds. I’m okay with the outcome I’m not forcing it.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really mature way to look at it, I'm impressed! You're totally right to just let things unfold naturally and not force anything. Approaching it with an open mind like that is so much healthier than stressing over little details or what could have been.

I can tell you've really got a good head on your shoulders. Not dwelling on it and being comfortable with whatever outcome shows you know your self-worth isn't tied up in one guy. That's mega confident if you ask me!

For sure, better opportunities will come your way if this one isn't meant to work out. And who knows, maybe letting things breathe could work in your favor too. Either way, you're winning by staying so positive and trusting the process.

Proud of you for not jumping to conclusions or reading too much into stuff either. Keep that same energy - it'll take you places! You seem so chill about it all. I'm sure with your attitude, the right dude is gonna come along real soon. Keep shining, girl!

[BoopBoopBeep]

He asked for a phone number and you gave him your insta. No, if I'm not actually TALKING to you, then I'm not talking to you. I don't have time for the long back and forth and innumerable ways that people can be misunderstood through text.

Now clearly for him it's not as much a deal breaker because he spoke to you afterwards, but I would venture it did knock you down a peg or two on his priority list.

[Asker]

Ouch. But that person not giving a call is already a knock off a priority list so I guess that was achieved already.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No I don't mean it insulting, just informative, I'm sorry you took it that way. For what it's worth, I think it's poor form of him to ask about your schedule and not follow up, but he wasn't the one that posted.

[Asker]

Oh I see what you’re saying. Correct, because his words and actions may show subtle interest but not sending in a call as you mentioned says a lot. Also, what do you mean by he wasn’t the one that posted?

[Asker]

I do truly believe if a guy is interested even if it’s one day after he will send in a call or text to engage in some form of conversation. From my experience, that’s what the average guy does when he is interested and hopes to one day take me on a date.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He didn't post the question to G@G, you did, so I can't tell him where HE dropped the ball.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah when I'm interested I reach out same day.

[Asker]

Correct, I see what you’re saying.

[Asker]

Okay so him not calling when he said he would isn’t not a form of him dropping the ball?

[BoopBoopBeep]

No it IS. He's either a douche or he's sloppy. Both are inexcusable. But he's not here for me to scold.

[Asker]

Ahh okay LOL. Thanks for your help. I’ll keep everything in mind.