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After a few years back home he recently contacted me saying that he’s coming back to my city for a year and has been wanting to see me and catch up.
Since then it’s been a couple weeks texting and talking on the phone for hours. It has been pleasant and I hinted that I don’t date unless there’s something real. I’ve told him my plan for my life and career is to be out of this country in a year and we discussed how coincidentally both our plans align with getting out and me moving to a different country, one of the options being his country. He is currently staying with relates here until his new place here is furnished and he’s been consistently communicating his intention to seeing me after he has settled down. That I get but I was afraid that he thinks we would just meet at home and just do the same thing and this potentially crossing the line this time. I’m afraid he’ll see me as just a temporary a fun time. I brought it up in a way asking since he’s back if there is a place he wants to see and he said not really, that I could be his tour guide since I live here. I’m just afraid of the lack of effort in arranging dates, does this mean he sees me as nothing serious. Or is because of his homebody nature and our past activities and our desire to just chat for hours about everything that he just wants to meet somewhere comfortable? I don’t mind spending time with him anywhere and we’ve even made plans how we will try different sweets from each others countries thag our relatives recently brought here. He’s cute and he didn’t cross that line before. It seems I could bend things so I could see him in the city but with the intention that we would spend time and his place. Could this turn into something more in a man’s mind? Or am I shooting nyself in the foot for accepting him not making any plans? Also to note I am not a fan of the dating shenanigans, I’m a home body myself. My passion is just to discuss things and how we initially kicked things off anyways.
Since then it’s been a couple weeks texting and talking on the phone for hours. It has been pleasant and I hinted that I don’t date unless there’s something real. I’ve told him my plan for my life and career is to be out of this country in a year and we discussed how coincidentally both our plans align with getting out and me moving to a different country, one of the options being his country. He is currently staying with relates here until his new place here is furnished and he’s been consistently communicating his intention to seeing me after he has settled down. That I get but I was afraid that he thinks we would just meet at home and just do the same thing and this potentially crossing the line this time. I’m afraid he’ll see me as just a temporary a fun time. I brought it up in a way asking since he’s back if there is a place he wants to see and he said not really, that I could be his tour guide since I live here. I’m just afraid of the lack of effort in arranging dates, does this mean he sees me as nothing serious. Or is because of his homebody nature and our past activities and our desire to just chat for hours about everything that he just wants to meet somewhere comfortable? I don’t mind spending time with him anywhere and we’ve even made plans how we will try different sweets from each others countries thag our relatives recently brought here. He’s cute and he didn’t cross that line before. It seems I could bend things so I could see him in the city but with the intention that we would spend time and his place. Could this turn into something more in a man’s mind? Or am I shooting nyself in the foot for accepting him not making any plans? Also to note I am not a fan of the dating shenanigans, I’m a home body myself. My passion is just to discuss things and how we initially kicked things off anyways.
What Guys Said
Suggest that he meet you at a restaurant for dinner and then you’ll get a better read on his intentions.
Oh man sis, this does sound like a tricky situation! On one hand, you guys have history and clearly click well based on how you can chat for hours. And his plan to move abroad lines up with yours too, so there is potential there.
But at the same time, his kinda lax attitude about making concrete plans, and just wanting to chill at home again, is a red flag that he might not see you more long term. Homeboy could just be in "old habits" mode since you guys already hung like that before.
Honestly, I'd give it one more chance - lay out clearly that you're only interested if he shows real interest in getting to properly know you dating-wise, not just doing the same old Netflix thing. Suggest an actual date daytime activity together, see how eager he seems.
If he's wishy-washy about solid plans or seems content keeping things casual, you might have to give him the brush off for your own sake. But if he steps it up, at least you'll know he's thinking more seriously! Good luck sis!
Thank you so much 😭
My pleasure luv 😊
'I was afraid that he thinks we would just meet at home and just do the same thing'
'I’m just afraid of the lack of effort in arranging dates..'
He is a homebody so don't expect anything else. It is clear that is not what you want so best to find someone more compatible. If this is what he is like now then that is how he will be. Find a more outgoing man because he will not change. He may be able to be more outgoing for a short period of time but it will not last.
That’s the thing I’m a homebody myself and I don’t see anything wrong other than everyone saying if a guy doesn’t make effort in arranging dates etc then he’s not really serious
Then perhaps the real underlying issue is that you cannot judge because you are going through the motions without any real long lasting commitment. I'm assuming you aren't looking to marry but will live with him and do all of the things that married couples do, but without the marriage. This is what most people are doing today and 10 years later they realise it was a waste of time.
Thus you have concerns about him not seeing you seriously, but are you seeing yourself seriously? What is the plan? what is the end game? Many get together, do couple stuff and eventually split up because they lacked direction.