Why my friend feels the need to explain himself?

[Anonymous]

I have been a friend with this guy for the past 2 years. Last week, we caught up with some friends over for dinner. We liked each other but we never spoke and he chose to date someone else from his workplace. I respected his decision and I pulled away and told myself that we are only friends.

As he walked in to the house, he opened his arm for a hug and it was unusually long and tight, which led me to pull away quickly ( I don’t want to linger the hug to think I’m still attracted). We usually don’t do any greeting hugs, but I thought maybe bcz we haven’t see each other for 3 months, he opted for a hug.

The whole dinner he was staring at me and tried to get my attention, but I acted normally to see where he was going’s with this. He spoke about ending his relationship with the girl he was seeing and was telling us about it.

As I was leaving, he stood up from his chair and again opened his arm for another hug but this time it was brief and he was giving me a reason why he was hugging me. Then asked if we can catchup again soon as a group before his holiday.

I found it unusual for someone to explain why they are hugging unless he was reinforcing we are only friends.

Any thoughts?

[Cody2004]

So I'm going to reply to my own opinion I just need some time to type it out and make it correct but I seen your thing and I will give my opinion on it it's just I keep messing it lol

[Cody2004]

*messing it up

[Cody2004]

So there are a few things I would be concerned about here. I want to touch on one thing quickly you have every right to feel weirded out by the hugging that is kind of weird in my own opinion. Especially when you don't want to get your feelings confused and messed up.

Now there are a few things I would be careful of. First thing he is currently in a relationship I don't know how appropriate is for him to be hugging on you so much I have best friends and stuff I've known for such a long time I don't do that unless they are about to break down or they really badly need it in that instance. I will then explain why I did that but I won't just stop at explaining why I'll actually sit there and talk with them about what's bothering them because sometimes somebody just needs somebody to vent to.

So after reading more into your stuff of how you were acting at the dinner I think you handled that extremely well. I really do not know why he would be explaining his relationship with you that really does feel like something he should be explaining with his girlfriend let alone if he's mentioning breaking up and then he goes to hug you again.

This is something to keep in mind for in the future in case he does say he broke up, I would 100% verify that don't verify it with him verify it with other people. I think it's good that you had your guard up.

He started dating this person and it all depends on if you took a step back or he took a step back if you took a step back after he started dating somebody. That is on you but I understand why in your situation but the second thing I'm thinking on his part is why is he going to you about this. Which I'll just point back up to how I think about in the previous paragraphs.

[Cody2004]

I would be suspicious and it seems like you were too which is good. At the end of the day it's up to you how you want to go about it if you have any family or anything I would talk to them about this and get their opinion they know you the best and they want the best for you. Sure the second opinion on here is all good and everything. in a reality I don't know you I don't know how you feel about this I don't know if it makes you feel comfortable happy sad or any of that stuff and I'm not professionally able to deal with that.

[Cody2004]

I would seek the opinion of a family member who knows you extremely well or a very trust friend of the same gender. I would not go to a guy about this because you don't know if the person likes you or not which is possibility and they might set you up to fail.

I must apologize I ran out of room several times sorry for the spammingness but hopefully this helps

[Asker]

Oh wow, thank you for uour detailed answer.
That was really helpful and insightful:)
I guess time will tell what he will do in the future and asking others might help too.

[ProbablyClueless]

Your body language was probably making it abundantly obvious that you weren't comfortable with the situation, so he was communicating his intentions to you so that you wouldn't be uncomfortable.

[DoggyDude]

He was reading your reactions to his actions and wanted to make you more comfortable with he actions.

I guess nerves also, likely when he was hugging you the first time it was just natural. Though he would notice your discomfort and there after second guess himself (thus explaining helps him be as clear as anything). That is assuming the explaining wasn't biased toward some goal.

[SotiCoto]

Plenty of thoughts, but absolutely none of them pertain to the situation you described, as I couldn't care less about that.

[spartan55]

You are analyzing this WAY too much. He probably explained himself because of the way you acted after the first hug.

[laly520]

cuz u seemed not comfortable?

[Mugeez]

Hi there

[laly520]

hey ^^