All the good men are taken or unapproachable. Where are all the good guys men say no one is willing to date?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 requirements when I say a good guy. 1. Genuinely good (Kind with morals and aligning values) 2. Taller than me so I can feel feminine and protected (I’m 5’7” so that shouldn’t really be too difficult) 3. Attractive to me (I'm not asking for a 10 just a guy I find attractive he could be a 5 or below to other people as long as he's cute to me. Before someone jumps on me about the attractive part it would be shitty to the person to date them knowing I don't even like to look at them and sex is important I'm not going to be interested in sex if I don't find you attractive.

Where are all the good guys? Even when I find them they are unapproachable.

[Anonymous]

lol there’s a lot of them but almost 80% of women don’t look at them. I’m sure there’s more on your list than just that. I’m sure you’d want him to have a job, isn’t an alcoholic or drug addict. Preferably stronger than you to protect you, not just taller, makes a good amount of money, etc, etc. Why not date a homeless man who has those same values? I’m sure you have some friends in your friend zone who fit those requirements but you, like most women won’t date them. If it was the simple many of you would be w someone easy.

[Asker]

Morals which are in my standards I wrote includes basic work ethics and not having an addiction. Aside from that I don’t mind physical strength because as a man who’s taller he’s already stronger than me. Like I said to another commenter I have no male friends if I did I’d be dating them

[Crimsyjo]

Omg some people on here are so harsh lol. And I hear you! Totally agree and your "standards" list exact same as mine!

Only difference is I'm way older than you. And I thought it was way easier at your age!!! I would join the dating apps if I was you. Just be wise as yes there are many guys not looking for anything real or long term. So be smart. But at your age you won't have any trouble at all! 1000%.

And omg trying to find a guy who is a good guy AND you find attractive out and about? Who isn't already taken? Well. The good guys that are taken are confident and self assured in attitude that's why they stand out. Guys who are not taken, well, a lot are so scared of rejection or just you know, being screaned at for being a creepy weirdo if they approach the wrong women! Lol. So it's tough out there.

Be confident tho. Give plenty of signals to a guy you like so he can gather courage to approach you. And yeah, you got this!

[KrakenAttackin]

@Crimsyjo. "Join the dating apps"... fuck, seriously?

[Avicenna]

@KrakenAttackin: Agreed- it's terrible advice

[Crimsyjo]

@KrakenAttackin well I just found a guy through them so yeah. You think she gonna find a guy walking around doing hobbies? Get real. I done all those things. At least dating apps narrow down who you like and who likes you and can arrange a date. Still gotta be smart. Plus statistics do actually show a fairly high percentage of relationships are found on dating apps despite the hook up cultures on there.

[Nikki1989]

The men that say they are good men are usually not good at all. There are good reasons why most single men are single, and none of it is good.

[ProbablyClueless]

A lot of those guys are simply not interested in dating anymore. So many of them have had such unpleasant experiences with women that they have decided that dating simply isn't worth the effort.

I'm one of those guys. I'd like to think I'm a fairly good looking guy. I have decent morals. I'm generous and most people consider me quite kind. Have a decent career too. My problem is that I'm simply not interested in dating. I've just had too many horrible experiences with women who have been emotionally corrosive people.

[Asker]

At 19? I doubt they’re really tired of the dating scene after a year. Anyways men have been really cruel to me my entire life. I've been rejected many times but I don't let it stop me from trying to find someone compatible. Are you giving up on marriage and having a family?

[ProbablyClueless]

Yup, even at 19 because most people have high school crushes and dating and such as well. A lot of those guys also have a long history of cruel women throughout their lives. It happens to boys the same as it happens to girls; they've never had a positive experience with the opposite sex.

I used to be the same as you, actually. I've never let my dating issues stop me from being open to connecting with people and I'm still mostly there, but at my age it's about finding the energy to roll the dice one more time.

I'm more tired than anything else, and I've found peace in life. My faith that the woman i'm talking to isn't an abusive nutcase is basically at 0, and I'm not interested in anything or anyone that doesn't bring me a feeling of peace. So... unless I can find a woman who brings me a sense of peace... I'm really just not interested.

[Finchie40]

Here is one right here , I am currently single cuz my so called loving wife decided to be selfish and decided she no longer wanted to be married anymore , so I am on the prowl of seeking a good girl that knows the true meaning of love and relationships, sadly it’s hard to find these days

[WhiteBoyChill]

I agree man. We’re all struggling together 😢

[Avicenna]

Someone else gave excellent advice to expand your social circle. At your age, you will have lots of options.

[Asker]

I’m so bad and starting conversations. After all the replies though I do plan on trying to expand my social circle. :))

[ItsMariusz]

I would suggest expanding your social life by spending time with friends in various settings and meeting new people. Location plays a significant role—I've traveled extensively and found that some areas are brimming with engaging, caring men of high value, while others may feel devoid of chemistry or any interest. With your standards, discovering a good partner shouldn't be too challenging, unless there is an issue with you that's interfering, like being socially awkward and such.

[DextroShade]

Your standards are too high. I am curious how many guys you reject on a regular basis, many of them are probably the guys you claim you want. Literally this:

[Asker]

I don’t reject anyone side from fuckboys? Maybe don’t assume when there’s no evidence that’s true. I only even get attention from popular men looking to sleep around which I’m not interested in.

[DextroShade]

You don't have any guys in the friend-zone?

[Asker]

No I don’t have any male friends

[DextroShade]

What is your dress size and much did you weigh the last time you weighed yourself?

[Asker]

I’m a size 2 120 lbs

[DextroShade]

Something isn't adding up here, if you are a fit girl at your age guys should be approaching you unless you are presenting like Kristen Stewart. You are definitely rejecting a lot of dudes.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I’m just worried about your height standard. Does he have to be 6 feet?

For reference, I’m on 5’ 8” but the average guy is 5’ 11” where I live

[WhiteBoyChill]

Only*

[Asker]

Only taller than me. Like I said in the post I am 5’7”

[WhiteBoyChill]

Honestly that’s kinda nice. You’re at kissing level

[LazerBean]

All the good guys are getting with women who aren't whiney.

[Asker]

Wow how dare I ask for dating advice

[LazerBean]

Maybe if you went about asking for dating advice in a way that isn't like a basement dwelling incel, it would come over as asking for advice rather than ranting.

[Asker]

Are you the non whiny women, you sound fucking unnecessarily mean. I stated my requirements and asked for where to find a guy like that. I also stated how the dating market feels to me. didn't know someone would take it that deep? And I'm the whiny one?

[LazerBean]

Yes, you are. Just like the "where are all the good women?" men are the whiney men.

[Asker]

What do you want me to ask then? I'm genuinely just how to meet good guys. What's you're problem?

[Asker]

Your*

[BonzoInBitburg]

We're not on dating apps. Our friends, coworkers, neighbors etc are setting us up as soon as we are single.

[Asker]

I'm not using dating apps and all my friends don't know any men. What are my options

[BonzoInBitburg]

My experience and my friends experience is that the moment it got out that we were separated, the DMs started from friends of friends. You need more friends.

[Pohjolan]

At the gym/sports, work/school, hiking, fishing, etc.

Just start some hobby you like that involves athletic men like do Jujutsu or go bouldering.

[Asker]

I hike and go to the gym but i’m still not sure how to meet guys doing them :(

[Pohjolan]

You could ask a guy to spot you or have a conversation on the treadmill.

[noohair]

Well number 2 is your hang up. You might miss out on your soulmate over height. And you put height before apprerance. The only real issue is number 1, the other stuff is vanity.

[Asker]

There are 3.5 billion men and you don’t believe one of them is ok looking, sweet and over 5’7”. I might have little hope in the dating market but not that little. The average man is 5’9”. Also sex is important in a relationship If I’m not physically attracted to my partner we won’t succeed and vise versa.

[noohair]

You don't want average. All I am saying is that before modern media. Character had more value than looks. You are just a product of the modern media.

[Asker]

Ask your parents or grandparents. Anyone will say looks were still a major factor before. Character is still more important to good people but like I said relationships deal on attraction. Also who said I don’t like average? An average man may be really attractive to me. Also the average man is 5’9” which is already taller than me :)

[noohair]

I call it chemistry, and I can't ask people that are dead.

[KrakenAttackin]

Many women say they want a good man until they realize it means they have to be better women. Just being attractive isn't good enough.

[Asker]

I’m a traditional woman with good morals, homemaking skills who can cook. I have hobbies and I teach yoga classes. Not even to be full of myself but if know I’d make a good partner because I have in the past. What do you want from me?

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... that sounds like a good start. If you aren't finding the man you want I bet you are seeking the wrong types of men or men who are out of your league. Maybe take your sights off the very top % and give a regular guy a chance.

[Asker]

I don’t have my eyes on the top percent just my exact standards I put in the post.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... I believe, you believe this, but experience tells men otherwise. The picture @DextroShade posted is accurate. I don't believe for a second that there aren't good men in your friend zone.

[Asker]

I don’t have any male friends at all 😭

[Asker]

I keep saying If I did I’d be dating them

[KrakenAttackin]

Ok, so ask your best friends to set you up (in a group setting perhaps). Work your network.

[Asker]

My girl friends don’t really know many men either. The one who does basically keeps them all to herself. I definitely wouldn’t want a man through her. I can however take the advice of expanding my social circle. I’m not the best at meeting new people on my own but I can try. Thank you for the advice

[WhiteBoyChill]

@KrakenAttackin She sounds like wife material to me. Ngl

[KrakenAttackin]

@WhiteBoyChill I agree, shoot her a dm!

[WhiteBoyChill]

She’s anon tho, but yeah we could probably vibe

[bobby_bush_eater]

Most of us find all the good girls are taken or hard to approach or many people look in the wrong places.

[Asker]

I know so many good women. If any good genuine guy came up to me whether I was interested in him or not I would hold conversation.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Interesting. Might I ask where you and your friends go to meet guys usually?

I know generally guys hang around at bars and it becomes a mix of good and bad on both genders there. I've tried to cut back on that but finding a new environment on your own can be hard. Especially when I was not serious for a while...

[Asker]

We typically just go out around the city, bookstores, coffee shops, gardens, gym, museums, malls etc. None of us are clubbing types

[bobby_bush_eater]

Makes sense thanks for your input... Don't lose hope there are good guys out there you might just have to make the first move for an interaction to spur it.

[Unit1]

They do not exist.

And if they do, they are already taken by the good women.

Deal with it.

[Asker]

I’m 19, they’re seriously taken this early?

[Unit1]

High demand men are often taken.

[Asker]

When'd they get taken off the market, middle school? I'm pessimistic about dating but even I know that's insanely unlikely

[Unit1]

That I can't say. When they get found by girls and getting asked out by them, chances are that's as early as it gets.

[BarryLiverstone]

All around. Have you tried to expand your social network?

[Asker]

Not sure how to speak to men and they don't come up to me

[BarryLiverstone]

I didn’t say men. I meant that have you been expanding who you are friends with and going out to events?

[BarryLiverstone]

You shouldn’t rely on a stranger walking up to you? That’s dangerous

[Asker]

I have lots of female friends and go out a lot. Not necessarily events but I go out places like walk around the city, cooking classes, and the gym etc

[BarryLiverstone]

I saw you said those female friends don’t know guys. Well then time to add more friends.

If you are at the gym and in classes you can expand your social circle

[Asker]

I'm in college so most of the time when girls know a guy they've slept with him which really don't want the left overs of. I can try through, more friends couldn't hurt.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then I hope that helps. Yes try to add more friends and then let them know you are ready to date

[BarryLiverstone]

If most of your friends have all slept with the guys they know then could also be an opportunity to find other friends as well who want the good guys you value

[LiamJHayden]

Good guys and girls are all around, but often people get in a rut where they frequent the same locations hoping for something better.

[Asker]

I try to go to all the social places near me that aren’t clubs. Shopping centers, malls, etc I go to all of them in rotation.

[LiamJHayden]

Then try other places. Museums, free concerts in the park, whatever is near you.

[SolitarySolace]

Home playing video games and working. Theyve given up on women.

[BonzoInBitburg]

They are definitely not playing video games lol
We have a social life

[SolitarySolace]

You speak for all good men?

[BonzoInBitburg]

I know the habits of good men. Good boys can play video games but video games do nothing to improve your life. It won't make you smarter or more sociable. Read a book or go out with some some friends. Grow your life.

[Yannae]

That guy is actually very common. So what makes them unapproachable for you?

[Asker]

Even if I see one outside he’s crossing the street or father away. It’s not like I can just run up to a man. Adding on to that going up to a man yourself is embarrassing as a woman. When men are interested they’ll find a way to say least say hello. Lets say I see a cute guy in a lecture, when a woman approaches a man it’s unnatural like presenting yourself to someone who’s clearly not attracted or interested. I’m also not able to just walk up and stand conversation. What do you talk to a stranger about under what circumstances and to who without being looked at funny.

[Yannae]

"Even if I see one outside he’s crossing the street or father away. It’s not like I can just run up to a man. Adding on to that going up to a man yourself is embarrassing as a woman." This is what I was waiting for and this is also the problem.

I have had women walk up to me and flirt. And it's not embarrassing or weird. Just talk to us as you would any other person. Smile and treat us with respect and you'll get the same in return. It's not embarrassing if you don't find it embarrassing. That is a mental block that you have to get over. I walked up to my girlfriend, but she has no problem to make the first move if she feels like she has to for things to progress. She's also very direct in what's troubling her or what she wants, it'd be awkward if she'd find it awkward, but she is confident and that demands respect. And confidence is sexy as hell.
On top of that, us guys we get compliments, but not as often as girls, so if we get a compliment from you ladies, we'll be thinking about that for days.

Next point. "When men are interested they’ll find a way to say least say hello."

Not true. Not every guy is confident or verbal enough to walk up to a girl they like and say hello. I know of a guy who AVOIDS the girl he likes, he is that shy. Although an extreme case, these people exist. I used to be a shy person, and if I saw someone I liked I would just admire her quietly and go on with my life after having her in my head for days or weeks. And that sucks. My mind now goes that I walk up to her and at least tell her so it's out of my system and THEN I can go and move on with my life. But there are many guys who may like you, but they won't tell you, they might be too scared, too unsure (after all, you don't know each other). Other men have been rejected so harshly by a girl they liked that they are just too hesitant and scared to go through that mud again.

[Yannae]

"when a woman approaches a man it’s unnatural like presenting yourself to someone who’s clearly not attracted or interested."
It's not unnatural, plenty of girls do it. They want their life to change, and they take matters into their own hands. Because they are just that confident, or because the guy they're after is not taking any hints (We are bad at taking hints, we love women to be direct).
"Not attracted or interested" You don't know until you talk to him. The same applies to friendship. A good friendship doesn't magically happen. There are times where you and a new person instantly click, but that doesn't mean the friendship is going to be great. And not all strong friendships start that way. One of my childhood friends actually annoyed me on the first day.

" I’m also not able to just walk up and stand conversation. What do you talk to a stranger about under what circumstances and to who without being looked at funny." That is another skill you can work on. What worked for me is just saying what I feel without overthinking. No insecurities in my head, no expectations, just enjoying the now.

Hope this helps.

[genericname85]

sitting at home, enjoying their off time or hanging with the bros.

[OddBeMe]

Or…or…. you are ignoring viable men who are available.

[Asker]

If any decent men in my area who met those standards showed interest in me I'd have a boyfriend

[OddBeMe]

Can’t be so sure. How many times we lose our keys and find them right out in the open?

[Asker]

I haven't been approached by once recently by a man known for cheating. I have no guys in the friendzone either. Trust I'd know if someone asked me out.

[Asker]

but*

[OddBeMe]

So do you get things by waiting for them to happen you?

[Asker]

I've gone up to guys before in high school and got rejected many times. I believe men don't take you as seriously when you appraoch them first. Sure if it's socially appropriate and I have a good reason to start conversation I will but that oppterunity doesn't arise often.

[OddBeMe]

(Shrug) I don’t really know if there’s evidence either way. People meet people. I have read romance blooms most often from friends and at work.

[shortster]

I guess all my kindness is for not since I am only 5'5"?

[Asker]

I only need 1 man above 5’7” not the whole world so yeah I’m not budging on that ask. The average woman is 5’5” you will find a woman.

[Anonymous]

lol No.. All the men YOU want to date are taken.. Not all of the good men.. Smh typical.

[Asker]

I put up my standards they're not even high? I don't even have a type aside from cute enough to sleep with and sweet? Do you expect me to date midgets with facial deformities?

[Opinion Owner]

nope but you probably have guys that you have friend zoned.. that fit all of your requirements. Literally every woman does.

[Asker]

I don't know any men. I don't have male friends. If I did I'd be dating them hellooooo