So how do I figure out what he wants?

[Tatitheunicorn]

My boyfriend has told me let's take things slow see where it goes etc because he thinks one day we won't be together because he believes he only is meant to be in my life to help me get everything together.

Well his step dad and more family members told me that my boyfriend isn't gonna allow me to go anywhere because he loves me and enjoys my company and such which he isn't a bad guy just damaged from his past relationships I am helping him learn everything as far as how a female should treat a man etc but my question is why is he saying let's take things slow to me but tells his family he basically sees a future with me it's very confusing.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that is super confusing! Seems like your man is sending some mixed signals. A few things could be going on:

- He might genuinely want to take it slow, but his family is pressuring him to commit more seriously since they see potential. Families can meddle!

- He likes you a lot already but is scared of getting hurt again due to past relationships. Taking it slow is a defense mechanism.

- Could be playing hard to get to keep you interested. Subconscious "game playing" even if he doesn't mean to.

My advice would be have an honest convo with just him, voicing how his different versions to you vs family make you feel unsure. Reassure him opening up won't scare you off. Tell him your needs clearly - do you want commitment or not? Could help sort things out.

Either way girl, don't settle for wishy washy treatment. If he can't get on the same page as you after talking, you deserve a man who's sure about wanting you. Don't let him string you along! You know your self-worth honey. Hope it works out!

[Tatitheunicorn]

Thanks I appreciate it I have tried talking to him more then once but it always turns out the same.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's frustrating girl! Talking doesn't seem to be getting through completely. A few suggestions:

- Lead with your actions more for now. Show him through little things every day how much you care, listen without judgment, be consistent and reliable. Actions speak louder.

- Give him space when needed too. Don't push or demand answers when he gets defensive. Back off gracefully and let him come to you in his own time.

- Spend quality time together doing fun activities you both enjoy. Laughter and making memories can help strengthen the bond.

- Flirt and keep romance alive! Little surprises, compliments, cute date nights remind him of the passion too.

- Be patient. Healing old wounds takes time. As long as you see progress bit by bit, don't lose hope. Rome wasn't built in a day.

- Talk to his family for reassurance when you start doubting. They've got insight into how he really feels.

Keep supporting him through your understanding. With effort from both sides, the walls will come down slowly but surely. You got this girl! Don't stop believing in your relationship.

[jadspop]

Taking it slow dose not mean taking a break. It sounds like he had a relationship where rushing into things to quickly ruined it. And I can relate.
I've had relationships where I thought they might be the one and ran into it hard and fast. But because of that once the puppy love went away it felt like they're wasn't much there.

It takes time to build a solid relationship and it sounds like he just dosent want to risk messing it up.

My advice would be to respect that, but if there's a specific step you want to take with him. Talk to him about it. If it's importation to you it will probably be important to him.

Just keep in mind that he's trying his best to not ruin every thing. And it sounds like your doing an awesome job at helping him threw his past drama. Just stick with it and I think you'll both be fine

[Anonymous]

At your age, none of this should ever be an issue. He should know better, too.

[RHK36]

Sounds like you're ignoring red flags from a boy who sounds like he should be single. How do you ignore him acting like a boy by being so indecisive? Keep being delusional that it'll work out or just move on. You're both too old to act like teens.

[Billlewis]

I think you should let him know what you want, instead of expending so much effort trying to figure out what he wants. This is my opinion only.

[bowenw]

It that is how he feels, tell him your life is in order and he should go find the girl he is meant to spend his life with and quit wasting your time.

[OtterMan68]

sounds like he needs counseling. If he refuses, I'm afraid you may have to move on

[JayBones]

He wants peace, comfort, and his dick sucked. 100%. That's it. Every single guy.

[JacobJordan]

His family told you why.

[Jamie05rhs]

I am honestly not sure.

[KrakenAttackin]

He knows you will end up destroying him.

[Peridot25]

If that’s the case, he should end the relationship now.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 He doesn't want to be destroyed and he wants it to work, but he also knows the reality of the situation.

[Peridot25]

Then he’s just wasting his time. Relationships are absolutely pointless now.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 You may be right. In which case he should seek higher fulfillment.

[Peridot25]

Honestly, I don’t know why people bother looking for someone to be with these days. I would hate for someone to waste my time like that if they feel that way about me.

[Peridot25]

If you feel that negatively about your partner, what are you doing with them? I just don’t understand people and their mindset.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 He doesn't feel this way just about his partner but about women in general. He has been abused badly.

[Peridot25]

Then he needs to end the relationship right now and never enter one again.

[Peridot25]

I don’t get why people enter relationships when they have these thoughts. Because they’re just going to put a strain on their relationship where their partner has to walk on eggshells every time.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 Since when do women "walk on eggshells"? You women throw grenades.

[Peridot25]

Then leave us alone. Don’t ask us out. Don’t go on dates with us. Don’t even have sex with us. It’s that simple. Just keep your distance from now on.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 That's what I do.

[Peridot25]

And then maybe we’ll go extinct. That should be better for men.

[Peridot25]

If you know any men that are married, convince them to leave their wives.

[Peridot25]

Tell every man in the world to leave women alone. Don’t even approach us if we’re that bad.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 I tell them to not get married.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 I do think men should not engage modern western women at all.

[Peridot25]

Then please tell all men in the whole world this. Let our species die out.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 I'm ok with that. Personally I would prefer a nuclear holocaust.

[Peridot25]

I’m down with whatever. Whatever works to get me off this planet permanently. Maybe someone will kill me single handedly 🤞

[KrakenAttackin]

@Peridot25 The day is young.

[Peridot25]

At least it will be one less woman to worry about 🤷‍♀️

[Peridot25]

Just keep praying it’ll happen to me.

[Peridot25]

I have a vacation coming up in May and I’m going to Mexico. Maybe my plane with crash 🤷‍♀️

[Peridot25]

*will

[laly520]

communication

[lildkman1010]

Ask? Him?