When to ask a girl out or make your feelings known?

[Anonymous]

I've seen plenty of opinions online saying that you should never confess your feelings to a girl.

But I am confused. If one doesn't make his feelings known, then when does the girl ever know that you like her?

After giving subtle signs of interest and seeing whether the girl reciprocates. If she doesn't, we don't carry on and we move on to other things in life. But if she does, we just continue to be subtle about it?

I used to know a female colleague at work. We would look at each other from time to time, talk to each other and ask questions about our personal life.

One day, I decided to ask her out. While we were chatting as usual, I asked if she was interested in hanging out. She replied "No thank you!" in a cheerful way. I felt relieve because the rejection felt unpressured.

We continued to chat normally afterwards and I thought that was that.

She later told my other colleagues that my "asking her out" was too sudden.

My other colleague told me I should hang out with her first before asking her out.

But how do I hang out with a girl if I don't ask her out in the first place? 😅

Updates

1 mo

I waited 2 months of interacting before asking her out. Although it was seen as "out of the blue" by her.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I have advice...

Firstly, it's not that girls don't want to know your feelings. They very much do! The problem is with people getting obsessed or over reaching their position.

You need to be really honest with any girl you like; Though when doing that you need to be self tempered with the reality of how well you then know each other.

For example, say you meet your perfect girl and know that on day one! You need to be very careful how you express that to her; You need to let her be aware, subtilly, you find her irresistable, but you also need to appear sane (here meaning that your not just mad with infatuation and therefore likely to be a risk).

So, you need to start with small things; "I'd like to get to know you", "I feel we have a connection". Though HONEST things, if your head over heals in love at first sight, you need to find the way to express what has you there, NOT that you feel your in love. The set of things which caused you to feel in love are important indicators to her, but that you feel in love or want to date her right away is a concern.

It really is a balancing act. I know how hard it is if you do find its love at first sight, because you will always feel like your watering your feelings down at first; Really though what your doing is tempering your biological reaction and showing your maturity.

It's sort of cruel because, when its an ordinary girl a guy can be charming as hell with ease (because theirs little or no pressure) but when its possibly the most beautiful and lovely woman you've ever know, its so easy to screw it up with nerves (heck its the business model of this whole site lol).

So, if a girl asks you to make your feelings know, start small; Start with the most important thing you feel you ought to express, for example "I would regret it if I never got to know you", that is a great start and shows your thinking she's lovely but are being mature to know you actually, right then, have no idea who she is, and want to know.

Best of luck, nerves torpedoes us all at sometime.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for the input! You're right that being too nervous can be self-debilitating.

Some additional notes, I waited for about 2 months before making a move, I thought that was enough time. Well I was also talking to other girls during that time so it didn't appear that I was only talking to her.

But anyway, this was 2 years ago. Thanks again!

[Opinion Owner]

Best of luck, yes, reading her and moving at the pace you can tells she's comfy with is a real art to acheive. It's easier always to say the right thing, way harder to acheive it.

Best of luck.

[Oliverlogan263]

Here's what I'd say bro:

Yo look, don't stress too much about what other people think is "right" when it comes to making a move. At the end of the day you just gotta do what feels natural and comfortable for YOU in the situation.

As for this girl, seems like you caught a small L but handled it well by keeping it chilled after. Props for having the balls to put it out there instead of playing games!

Personally, I think it's good to feel a girl out a bit first before formally "asking her out." Like you said, just keep things light and keep an eye out for signs she's into you too. Shared laughs and eye contact are usually good signs.

If you guys seem to vibe, maybe try something casual like "Hey, me and some of the guys are grabbing food after work, you should join!" That way it's low pressure to see if she wants one-on-one time or not.

But don't overthink it man. Feel it out, keep it fun, and don't be afraid to take a chance! Rejection sucks sometimes but it beats never knowing. You'll find your flow - just do you and don't stress the small stuff.

[genericname85]

never "confess" your feelings to a girl. i can not see a scenario wehre that isn't awkward, desparate or repulsive from her point of view.

when to ask a girl out? whenever dude. no point in waiting around. just do it once you think she's worth a shot.