Right time to ask a girl out?

When is the right time to ask a girl out? I don't have a lot of experience because I am a 21 year old guy who is still single, never had a girlfriend, been single my whole life. I want to change this, I want to experience dating and my first relationship while I am still young, I don't want to wait until I am 25 or 30. Anyway, I am kinda very analytical about this, because I don't want to ask the girl out too soon, and I don't want to ask her out too late.

C'mon, if a guy asks a girl out too soon, like right off the bat, jumping the gun, that will make the girl feel uncomfortable, that will look desperate and needy, creepy, etc., and if a guy asks a girl out too late, the girl will get worried, impatient, will think that I not like. I also might get stuck in the "friend zone", and also there is going to be competition from other guys, because there is the old saying "you snooze, you lose", because another guy might grab her first, well not literally.

Anyway, how long should a guy have been talking to a girl, how long should the guy get to know the girl before asking her out and initiating a hang out, date and relationship?

I would like to know from both genders, but is it okay to ask a girl out when it is my first time meeting her? Like the very first encounter I meet a girl, is it okay to ask her out? Like if it's a girl I see in school, community college.
Also what does asking out mean? does it mean making the girl officially becoming your girlfriend? or does it mean asking her out on a date?
Also what are good ways to approach and talk to girls, strike up a conversation, make a good first impression, without trying too hard, and without coming on too strong or awkward? What are good ways to do it in the school library or at a bench or table?
Like if I see a girl sitting outside in the Quad, because I go to community college, sitting down at a bench or table, or a girl in the library, sitting at table studying, or she is using a computer, how are good ways to approach and start talking to her?
If I ask a girl out too soon, like right off the bat, that will make me look desperate and needy. Also if I ask out her out too late, another guy might ask her out first, there is the old saying "you snooze, you lose".
Also the girl might lose interest if I am taking too long to ask her out, she will think I was just flirting with her for the heck of it, or I only see her as a friend, or I am not interested. How can I tell when a girl is waiting for me to ask her out?
How will I be able to tell when a girl is comfortable around me when I approach her and talk to her?
How long should I have been talking to a girl and getting to know her before I finally ask her out?
Seriously, how can you prevent one-sided conversations from happening?
Also how do you become friends with a girl without making her think you are hitting on her? Because people tell me that they were friends with their boyfriend/girlfriend for sometime before actually dating.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey dude, you can't be expected to be spoon fed everything.

    Get out there, make mistakes and learn trough trial and error what works best.

    • I like ur answer

    • Horse sh*t. A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 8

  • Okay, first of all, you need to calm down. Asking a girl out does not mean asking her to be your girlfriend. If you meet a girl you are interested in there really isn't a time limit or requirement on when it's a good idea to ask them out. I would suggest asking her if she would like to get coffee, or simply strike up a conversation to get things going. You might find that she is interested in you as well. Most of the time, just by talking to a girl for a few moments will give you an idea of whether she is interested or not. If she stops what she is doing, smiles and engages in the conversation, then go from there.

    • Well by talking to a girl, and she reciprocates, like she engages in the conversation, smiles, or gives eye contact, how can I tell if she is just being friendly? or if she actually likes me?

    • Also, just because a girl stops what she is doing, and smiles and engages me in the conversation, and she reciprocates, does not guarantee she is interested in dating me, she could just be being friendly, or just flirt back with me for the heck of it, she could probably care less about me, she probably just enjoys the attention from me. How can I tell if she is just being friendly, just wants attention, or if she is interested in dating and going out with me?

  • Alright, for timing if there's really no particular girl you like then just pick one, like a girl in a class and you both somewhat know each other so its not awkward talking to her. Then when finish picking go up to that girl and start off with small talk with something is going to happen like a test or summer. Keep this going till you trust her as a friend and so does she, this could take probably a week if you talk to her very often. Then, when none of her or your friends are around, say something like " Jessica (random name) I hear that Up is coming out in theaters (random movie) next friday, and I was wondering if you might want to go with me" if she says no be like "not like boyfriend girlfriend just as friends silly!". If she says no wait a little longer drop hints that you like her, compliment her on her clothes. touch her whenever you can like if she said a joke, not hard, push her shoulder and say that was really funny. And if this didn't help with this girl stay friends with her and find someone else you think is your type.

  • If you want something that's a little more low key, you could always ask the girl out for coffee. Or even lunch. Coffee/lunch can last about 2-3 hours and there's less pressure than a dinner date. Also, coffee's pretty affordable, so if the date doesn't go well, you're out five bucks. Don't be a creeper, but if you meet a girl and she's nice and she seems into you, go for it. The worst she's going to do is say no. Just relax and go for it.

    As for how long you should know a girl before you ask her out ... it depends on the girl. But, for the most part girls are flattered when they're asked out. As long as you have some confidence (don't be cocky) and aren't spazzing out on the girl when you ask her out, then you should be fine.

    • Yeah, but if a girl is nice and friendly to me, gives me eye contact, smiles when I say Hi to her, is receptive to me in conversation, like the conversations are not one-sided, she actually talks back. I have had those experiences many times in which a girl shows those signs, but whenever I asked them out, they were taken already, they already had a boyfriend. So those girls were probably just being friendly, how can I avoid making those mistakes again?

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    • If she gives you a scared-looking face or if she looks like she wants to run away, you're coming off as desperate. You can hang out with a girl as just friends--think of dating as an interview process. Hanging out is not a date. No. I hate to break it to you, but unless you make her dinner or something at your house and it's romantic and all, you should be spending some amount of money on her.

    • If a girl is giving little or no eye contact when I am talking to her, and she is only responding to me by giving one-worded responses, does that mean more likely she is not interested in me? or could that mean she is just shy? Also is it true if a girl is interested and she is busy doing something, like she is doing something on her laptop, reading a book or writing something, overall, doing an activity, she will be receptive and reciprocate no matter whatever it is she is doing?

  • One boy asked me out right after half an hour of talking, I loved it. Another guy waited several weeks. I liked both approaches, it says a lot about their personality. One boy is very spontaneous and energetic, the other is more mellow and shy.

    When you feel it's the right moment, go for it. You have the best answer and it's in how you feel.

    • How does a guy get a girlfriend if he has never had one before?

  • just tell her you think she's buetiful anytime then ask for her number then call her and see if she wants to go out to eat, then you guys can have a couple drinks and your nerves will be down for whatever happens next. like a movie a walk and a kiss.

    • Do you think all relationships or most started off from being friends first?

    • Most of them do. but not all relationships. you start a friendship to gain trust but if you have no trust issues than its okay to date before being friends.

    • I don't feel I have trust issues, it's just I don't know how to start off being friends with a girl without making her think I am hitting on her.

  • lol, okay now I understand where you are coming from, but when I first read your question, I thought you were talking about one girl in particular, someone you already knew.

    • Yeah, how should I get to know a girl?

  • when you build up the courage to ask her!

    • Yes but timing is everything!!!

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    • What do you mean? How long should I get to know a girl, how much small talk and conversations should I have with a girl before finally asking for her number or out on a date? Like what if it is a girl that is in my class, or in the library at school? Should I ask her out on my first encounter? I am not saying those will be the first words to come out of my mouth when where is a girl I see and think she is cute and I never spoke to her before. Like I will not ask her out before small talk.

    • Like for example, if there is a cute pretty girl at school or at work, or anywhere, and I have never spoken to her before, I will not go up to her and say "are you single?" "do you want to go out with me?". That is what I meant, I will not ask a girl out like that, I have to introduce myself first, and what should I talk about, what type of questions should I ask to get a conversation going, and then eventually asking her out on a date? How long should I talk to her before asking her out?

  • persaonlly, I'd wait about 1-3 weeks before asking her out.

    • Do you think that is a good amount of time to be talking and getting to know a girl before asking her out? Because I don't want to ask out too late either, I don't want to get stuck in the friendzone, and I don't want another guy to ask her out first.

    • How can I tell if a girl is comfortable around me when I approach her and initiate conversations with her?

What Guys Said 6

  • Not sure what you mean by asking out.

    most people mean; "make her your official, exclusive GF" but I think you mean go on a date.

    You could use a lot of help and since I'm kinda tired now I'll just put up some links and save me some time typing lol.



    • Judging from your updates I'm guessing you haven't read the links I gave you.


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    • I frankly think you think to much.

      But it's normal for beginners. They "over analyze" and focus to much on little details.

      The more experience (trough rejections as well ) you get the better you will get a feeling things naturally and knowing what to say.

      Taking risks and getting rejected allot will eventually make you figure out what works best for you and make you successful.

      Still, you should really read the last link I gave you, which explains everything. Good luck!

    • Also, let's say a girl is busy doing something on her laptob, typing something on the computer, reading a book, studying, overall, doing an activity, and I think she is cute and I want to approach her and talk to her, and she is not reciprocating, engaging me in the conversation, little or no eye contact, does that most likely mean she is not interested? or she is just busy? I heard if a girl is interested in talking, she will make time for you, even if she is busy doing something, am I right?

  • 10 minutes. Dating is how you get to know someone. A wife is what you want to take your time choosing.

    Good Luck


  • You lack confidence. When you want to ask a girl out confidence is a must. If they see that you are confident about asking them out, you'll have a good chance with them.

    When you actually do get to asking her out, expect the best, but prepare for the worst.

    this vid could help you link

  • This is not going to sound like "the answer" but honestly, when it feels right.

    There's no such thing as too late or too early. If she likes you she likes you. That's it. Doesn't matter if it's now or later, she'll say yes. or... no...

    • I am unable to tell when a girl likes me, and I don't know when it feels right, I just don't know, I guess I lack common sense.

  • dude, I'm sorry, but you are never getting a girlfriend.

    • Thanks for rubbing it in my face.

    • Your a douchebag.

  • id say 1-2 weeks just don't do what I've done before and that's ask her out after 1 1/2 days after knowing her

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