Guy I like says he wouldn’t date me because I have a child?

[Anonymous]

I have known this guy for seven years and I always had feelings for him. two years ago I mentioned starting a relationship he told me to be patient after six months I got tired of waiting so I moved on and found someone who wanted a relationship. Me and that guy broke up after 7 months and recently my friend got back in contact with me. We sat down a few days ago to talk and catch up and while we were talking, he told me the reason why he never started a relationship with me was because he was unsure and he had to figure out what he wanted in life and he also told me since I’m a single mom it’s different and he wouldn’t wanna date someone with kids because he doesn’t have kids and it would be the 3 of us not just me and him in a relationship. he also said he dated someone in the past with kids it didn’t work out and he got attached to her kids and now he’s no longer in contact with them. I still have feelings for him Should I give him time to possibly change his mind or should I move on He said he wants to stay in my life and not cut each other off again but I don’t know if I could do that if he don’t give us a chance.

Updates

30 d

And I also just found out he has a one-year-old child

[HollyK21]

Did you have your child when you two met? I’m only asking because if the child was already in the picture then to me he was deceitful and knew from the start that he didn’t want a relationship since you’re a mother, yet strung you along anyway.


However, if you’ve had this child within these past 7 years then I can understand his stance more. At some point you’d be introducing him to your kid, and eventually they would form some sort of bond to where they sees him as a second father figure (assuming their dad is still in the picture), and often times men don’t want that role. He’d prefer it just be you and him, so you can have your own family and first child would be shared. It’s a value some men have and others don’t, but at the end of the day, valid of being respected.


In any case, I wouldn’t spend any more time waiting for him. You don’t deserve to be put through the emotional wringer any more than you already have.

[Asker]

My child is 8 I’m 25 and he’s 28

[HollyK21]

So you had your child before meeting him. If you knew you were a mom then he’s felt this way the entire 7 years. That’s why he asked you to be patient in the beginning and after 6 months you got sick of waiting. It was always going to be the string-along, the waiting game, and he is so wrong for that.

[HollyK21]

**if he knew you were a mom

[HateyouxD]

Right cut him off and move on. He'll take sex from you for sure just not a relationship

[MrOracle]

This is not personal, but it is a fact of life that most men that don't already have children are not going to want to date a woman with kids from another men. Inevitably, he will end up being responsible, to some degree or other, for the child, but will never have the rights or authority that he'd have with his own children. And if things don't work out with the mom, he'll have established a bond with that child and will not be able to continue that relationship.

And you will find that most of the men who don't think you having a child is a big deal are going to be men who just intend to use you for a bit of companionship and some casual sex.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Perhaps the best pool of men to date would be single fathers. They are in a similar situation, and one that is more balanced, so the two can relate well to each other.

[Billlewis]

I don't know, but you're exactly the kind of woman I'm looking for.

[ProbablyClueless]

I wouldn't wait around for him to change his mind, if I were you. He told you that you having kids is a deal breaker for him.

[Phoenix98]

Guy I like says he wouldn’t date me because I have a child?

Completely justified.

[LazerBean]

Move on, he isn't interested.