I just saw my boyfriend cry and lost all feelings. Is this normal?

Question

We had an argument and at the end he cried desperately which was a huge turn off for me. I think I kinda felt weakness in that. Is this feeling normal?

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Alright maybe you felt that way in the moment. I’ve had plenty of unfair and judgmental thoughts towards women in the heat of the moment. But do you still feel this way days and weeks later?

You are engaging in when what POS Oprah calls “your truth”. But there is no such thing as your truth or my truth. There is only the truth.

So “your truth” is you lost respect because your boyfriend cried in front of you during an argument. You saw that as effeminate and weak. Right or wrong that is your judgment.

His “truth” is he was really upset and either falsely believed it was okay to cry or more likely couldn’t control it anymore. But do you think he has any idea of what a huge turn off that is for you? Maybe he does but could he really control it?

Men have the exact same feelings women have but we are held to a much higher standard on how we control them. Some men are better at controlling that then others.

You are welcome to do whatever you want. You want to dump him because he cried? Fine. But if you regrets about it later then that this is completely 110% on you. You are welcome to do whatever choice you want no matter how stupid or unfair it is. But you are also 100% accountable for the decisions you make. You want to date some abusive asshole who never cries but instead makes you cry instead? Be my guest. However I have absolutely no sympathy for you if the stuck in abusive relationship because of your “feelings”. None whatsoever.

Its time society holds women accountable to their decisions. You want freedom? Fine. But you take all that comes along with it. Because I am so sick of grown women who act like teenagers i. e. they want freedom of choice but at the same time don’t want accountability for their own bad decisions.

And people wonder why men have 4x suicides rates.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It is for most females , mainly because most females are very emotional people themselves , and most females are attracted to a guy mainly for his masculine energy that she doesn’t have within herself , Most females are attracted to a guy that she feels safe and protected by that she feels has her back that will protect her at all costs. By you seeing your boyfriend cry , showed you a sign of weakness , so that’s what turned you off. So what was the reason for him crying? What occurred for him to cry? Understand that men have emotions as well , most men just know how to handle it better than others , we don’t express it like females tend to. That’s pretty much one of the things that makes Males and females different. So if your boyfriend was crying over something that wasn’t that big of a deal , than I can see why that turned you off , but if your boyfriend was crying because he lost a loved one , someone that impacted his life , than honestly you should be considerate and think how you would feel if you lost someone that was important to you in your life. But if he is crying over something that wasn’t that big of a deal that made him look weak to you than sadly you aren’t going to look at him the same and just consider him weak to your eyes. So again it comes down to why he cried in the first place. For me to give you a better answer to your question

Seinna · Accepted Answer

It's normal if you're only developing feelings but don't love him yet... women don't like weakness. If you do love him then seeing him cry (if it's not for petty reason) you want to protect him, it hurts you to see him hurting.

Regardless if it's normal or not, if you lost all feelings for him... well, if you can't get them back then I guess that's a goodbye? Poor guy... but if he was crying desperately after your fight then it must have been a bad one so together with your lost feelings it might be difficult to reconcile.

Account · Accepted Answer

I won't judge you for it even though if that happened to me, it would make me like him even more.
However what you described, makes me think that there is something broken within you which can only be fixed with the help of a therapist.

nurse · Answer

Seeing someone you care about show a deep level of vulnerability, like crying, can sometimes catch you off guard and stir up a lot of unexpected feelings. It's pretty normal to be taken aback or even to question your feelings for them when you see them in a light that's different from what you're used to or what you expected.

Society has a bunch of unwritten rules about how men and women "should" act, especially when it comes to showing emotions. If you've always thought of your boyfriend as the strong, never-let-them-see-you-sweat type, seeing him cry can feel like you're seeing a whole new side of him. And that can be confusing.

It might be that your reaction has more to do with your own beliefs and expectations than with your boyfriend himself. We're all influenced by the world around us and the ideas we grow up with about what is "normal" for guys and girls to do. But it's also possible that your feelings are pointing to something else—maybe something in the relationship that isn't sitting right with you, or a personal preference for how you and your partner handle emotions.

Feelings are complicated, and they don't always make sense right away. You could even talk it through with someone you trust or a counselor, who can help you unpack everything you're feeling.

Your boyfriend showing his emotions is actually a sign of trust and can bring you closer together if you let it...

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

When I saw my ex cry, I fell for him harder.

Jessica405 · Answer

You got it all wrong! Guys can shed tears as well as girls. It is a brave guy that can show emotions like that. Much better a guy like that than one who is cold and callous. You takes your choice! I know who I chose!

coachTanthony · Answer

Yes it's normal. This is why men should never cry. I keep saying this over and over it's biology.

Light_beam · Answer

And you are 34? How? How on earth you are that age and yet sooooo immature and stupid? So in your opinion men can't cry? Sure, men are not human, more like monsters or robots.. i actually don't understand why god gave them tears glands? Really for what? for a shallow, immature and stupid girl like you to despise men for crying? Well, i really and deeply wish you be with a man who doesn't cry.. To enjoy him being cruel and harsh to you.. to treat you as the sh**t you are, This is the kind of man you deserve stupidie..

abc3643 · Answer

YEP.

This is a good example of the difference between liberal idealism and conservative reality. (Keep in mind that I am a liberal saying this.)

In an ideal world, men should feel safe to express their feelings, la di fucking da...

Except that's a bunch of horseshit at the evolutionary level.

Why?

Because of what you just wrote. You are not alone and a lot of women react like that. It's an instinctive response.

By the way, ___NOW___ you understand one reason why men, according to women, are "difficult to talk to", "he won't open up to me", "if wish he'd share his feelings with me".

You reap what you sow.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Depressingly so. Instinct tells you to seek out a protector and provider, and anything that's a sign of weakness is a threat to that. It rather ignores, however, the fact that any man you might partner up with is, in fact, human, and has all the associated frailties and failings that come with it.

Nature, in short, is telling you to seek out a machine.

The question is: what are you going to do about it? Kowtow to unreasoning programming and become a beast, or tell your brain to sit down and shut up because YOU are the one in charge, and become a person?

Lionman95 · Answer

I don´t know if it´s normal. Reading your additional text the word "desperately" popped in to my eye. I think it´s a difference seeing a guy crying and seeing him cry desperateley because the last can make him look like he´s depending on the relationship and all he is connected to the relationship. The reason why you can´t take him seriously as a boyfriend might be that you want a strong guy and if it looks like he´s depending on the relationship he loses that. Something in other occasions is described as simping.
That would explain to me why you see it as a weakness.

JoePro_ · Answer

Use your logic center. Not your emotional center. Do you want to be in relationships where the men feel open to be "weak" sometimes, feeling comfortable to be that way with you because they're probably not that way with anyone else? Or do you want to be in relationships where the guy never opens up at all, never shows emotion, you have no idea what he's feeling, etc? I wager you're going to have far more problems with the second scenario, than the first. Accept that men have feelings, be grateful that he was willing to express them in front of you, and move foward.

HawkPerception · Answer

I just made a post about this on social media and had thousands of people agree with me.

Men are not allowed to cry (in front of girls they're dating or potentially going to date) unless it's over the loss of loved ones. Whether they want to believe it or not, extremely feminine women prefer to be with men that that are extremely dominant. That means men that have a clear vision of their purpose/direction, are strong and sturdy and don't waver whenever things get rough in life, can provide and protect, are assertive and commanding.

They'll deny it all they want, but extremely feminine women desire the "toxic masculine" men.

RingOfFire · Answer

One thing you younger guys have to learn about women is this.

They will test and test and test you. They will INCESSANTLY encourage, cajole, implore you to show your feelings, express yourself, break down and show your weak side.

But the SECOND you do anything like that, IT'S ALL OVER.

They don't mean it. It's not about getting you to expose your weak spot. It's about seeing how well you can conceal it! Just the opposite of what they are making believe they are doing.

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY or HOW THEY MIGHT DENY IT, they DO NOT WANT A WIMP.

They want a strong, DOMINENT man to take control and lead (there may be some whacko feminist exceptions, but no sane man is interested in them anyway).

She wants a man who can PROTECT her.

Unless you want to risk losing her, NEVER imagine otherwise and always be strong for her.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

whatever you feel is normal for you. Some people don't like crying men, when others hate working women...

Would you change your opinion and feelings if everyone told you it was abnormal or wrong? No... because it's how you feel.

live your life and don't care much what others think. Life is too short for that

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Well clearly you don't love him. When I see someone I love cry it hurts me so much, I hate to see them hurting and want to make them feel better. Do him a favour and dump him so you don't waste his time and love on a bitch like yourself lol.

nawtee_me · Answer

How are guys supposed to feel about this when some girls say that men need to get in touch with their feelings more and other are turned off when a guy shows his feelings….
I am sorry this was just an observation and I know girls can say the same thing about some men thinking one way about something and other men thinking differently about the same thing.

To answer the question then I would say that you be you and you are allowed to feel as you do. The thing is that if you feel that way about men you should look for men who don’t show emotions. That way you cause any undo hurt on anyone.

RSav4013 · Answer

You can't help how you feel, it is what it is. This is one of the primary reasons I believe that men shouldn't cry in front of women though. Even though the narrative these days says that masculinity is bad, humans still have base instincts that drive them. Most of the time, when a woman sees a man as vulnerable or weak, they immediately lose any sexual or romantic feelings for the man. It's unfortunate, but it happens the majority of the time and often leads to divorce.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Normal or not, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that is how YOU felt.

Some women instantly go into mother mode, and start blubbing themselves because their baby is upset, where as others, like you are repulsed at the sight of it because they like to know they are going to be protected, and a guy who turns into a mess a one little argument is hardly going to be able to do that!

BCRanger10 · Answer

Men have feelings too, sometimes very deep ones, particularly about the people we love. Typically, I think a man should avoid crying in front of people if it can be helped, but sometimes we do get overwhelmed.

Anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying don't make such a huge deal about it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

depends on the type of crying. I think so for some... you don't want needy and it's repulsive. Women want a guy that can handle their crap, her crap, and the babies (times x) crap, without falling apart and running off. Thus, they seek emotional strength. Failure to have emotional strength means she can suffer a fate worse than death.

So sounds normal. But check with your therapist.

Billlewis · Answer

Your reaction is entirely understandable, in my opinion, and despite the criticism from the other readers, I think you're entitled to your opinion of your boyfriend, and I hope you're able to continue your relationship with him.

I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

Anonymous · Answer

No its not normal. Men can cry too and frankly he deserves to be with someone who would care about his feelings and emotions, not shame him for crying.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, it happened to me too. She had a minor road accident. She called me, I was a bit emotional as she was my first girlfriend or even the first girl I properly interacted with. I went there with first aid kits, stopped the bleeding, and gave her painkillers. I think I got teary-eyed, as I didn't want to lose her. But she started behaving weirdly afterward and eventually broke up. She cited, that she felt very uncomfortable seeing me like that. I guess, most women don't wanna see men cry.

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

Sorry, but men have feelings too and they are not weak for it. If they commit to us and are strong for us, why can't they be vulnerable around us?

Anonymous · Answer

Was it really the crying, or was it the context? If it hadn't been because he was losing an argument with you, if it had been instead for a "better reason" like a reason that would make  you  cry, would you still have lost feelings for him and think it was weak?

Goku1001 · Answer

Men have feeling just as much as women. If he cries, this means he loves you and respects you. Crying is the final resort a person attends to when he/she is out of options and is stuck in a situation where they might be correct but don't want the other person to feel that they are wrong!

Anonymous · Answer

I mean depends how he cried.

if he cries like some weirdo or a toddler. That would piss off anyone.

Now if he tries to conceal his tears or “silent cries” that’s normal.

If he ugly-cried to you, in a desperate manner. That would be a turn off for anyone.

MemeSupreme · Answer

ehhhhhh kinda

like ik girls that are like that but girls that aren't too. really depends why they're crying and how but i personally think it's weird you lost ALL feelings for him unless he was throwin a tantrum

Berethor · Answer

Men are expeced to be strong and never cry, so your feeling is normal in that sense.

Agape93 · Answer

No that's not normal, makes you a pretty bad partner. He's a human being with emotions and every right to express them. If trusting you enough tk show his emotions makes you find him less desirable on that alone, he's better off without you.

LaterZ · Answer

If thats how u feel, then dont try and find a guy that will open up to u. Most guys won't break down unless they feel like they are in a friendly envioroment, where no1 is judging. And if u gave him that environment and then proceeded to judge him, then that means u dont want a guy that is willing to open up to u., not saying ur wrong or right, just that u dont actually want that

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

And don't pretend you've never cried through your whole life. Sure you may not consider it as normal but that could also mean you're special to him that he allowed himself to be vulnerable around you but with that attitude, it turns out you're the wrong woman.

Nifrayu · Answer

Well it's normal to be turned off. Crying is generally not an attractive thing. Seeing people cry makes me feel sad. I definitely have never been turned on when seeing someone cry. As for losing feelings, I don't think that's normal, but I don't know what it could mean. This is probably a question that a therapist would know how to answer.

foxsquirrell · Answer

I think it depends on what was it about, and how he was crying.

However I am inclined to think that this is not normal. In the sense that girls usually tend to be more sensitive and sympathetic around someone who is crying.

But then again as I said it depends how it really was.

Akam93 · Answer

No it's heartless. Men have feelings to you stupid bitch

jshm2 · Answer

Yes. You should feel fucking ashamed. Cutting off a breast in solidarity, ashamed.

As you both behaved like tits, but he was human enough to know when past the limit, while you were just a goblin or mere animal about it.

Rami_NL · Answer

As a side note, this is why feminism doesn't make sense. If they listen to your suggestions and behave like femals, they are automatically eliminated from the dating scene.

Paris13 · Answer

He apparently Has a Heart. You may Not Find this a Turn On nor Love Him Unconditionally. xxoo

sawno · Answer

Stuff like this is why men turn into heartless people. You don't deserve a caring boyfriend if you can't tolerate a man with feelings.

Hardshell1234 · Answer

Ugh. I love a man that cries. A man that can be vulnerable (I don’t call that weak) is a man worth keeping.

bolverk · Answer

Your reaction is one of the reasons why men rarely if ever show any emotion other than anger, as we know it will be use against us, while at the same time women complain that men are 'not in closer touch with their feelings'.

Unit1 · Answer

And this is why we don't show our feelings to women. Unless she's not our primary interest that is. y'all make the toxic masculinity environment a breeding ground for us and then complain about it.

tzdc21 · Answer

And this is why guys are hesitant to open up in relationships.

madewithingredients · Answer

completely depends on what you're arguing about. without that context, this question is not answerable.

JacobJordan · Answer

Hey typical shit woman behavior. Don't worry it is normal... for western women. And you wonder why guys never tell you shit. Don't date until you sort out your mental and emotional issues.

tierrlamé · Answer

It says you have been a member since 2007 but the first version of this website was made in 2008.. so yeah im clearly responding to a dude. I've never heard or seen a woman dump a man for crying but if a woman do it it he dodged a bullet

Knightwatch27 · Answer

You know, seeing as you have a mytake named "men being the biggest hypocrites on earth in dating", but then despising a man who cries, which I highly doubt you'd rack yourself on if you did, it's a bit funny.

Rangers · Answer

It's quite abnormal to lose feelings after seeing a man be emotional Leave him, he deserves better than you

Vegasrunner · Answer

Yes, this is why it's important for men to not show emotion in front of their women. He looked like a bitch causing you you to loss attractiveness.

genericname85 · Answer

yeah it's normal... and it shows how much society is "wrong" in telling men that it's "ok to cry". cause women act like you do. and it's actually not ok.

ItsMykolaJenkins · Answer

No You should feel happy that your man is brave enough and trusts you enough to show you his most vulnerable part, he probably never cries in front of others And you act like a bully

SphynxUK · Answer

I would guess you aren’t that into him. Hence, you got the ick instead of falling harder.

Nikki1989 · Answer

That would make me like him even more.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

thats.. pretty pathetic. i hope he finds better.

Jay-_- · Answer

This why us men keep it numb with females like you. Disgraceful, you'll never have a stable relationship and I'm sure of it 😂

Dargil · Answer

Do him and yourself a favor by taking the next exit.

JHAYES317 · Answer

Crying is absolutely normal…and if you lost feelings over him seeming vulnerable, you might be a sociopath or something…

Willoughby23 · Answer

Funny, I made a post asking women if they would lose feelings for a man if they saw him cry and %99 percent said no. I didn’t believe them or at least didn’t believe they represented the majority of women, this proves me right.

lorenzomichael · Answer

No. sound like your guy is a pussy and really in touch with his feelings. unless he was crying about his dead mother or grandmother.

Anonymous · Answer

That just means you're the typical woman who has no empathy, and no soul. Seriously, break up with him so he can find someone who isn't an unfeeling harpy POS.

SolitarySolace · Answer

You wouldn’t be the only woman like that. You’re just the only one to openly admit it

In_Trance · Answer

What were you arguing about? The quality time you sped together or unrest in the middle east?  There's a difference

I just saw my boyfriend cry and lost all feelings. Is this normal?

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My boyfriend cried in front of me? sort of

I just saw my boyfriend cry and lost all feelings. Is this normal?

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My boyfriend cried in front of me? sort of

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