I said something that made my date feel bad, should I say that I bought new lingerie to wear for him on our next date?

[Anonymous]

We have such a strong chemistry and similar interests. He seems like a good guy and I want him to still continue to date me. This happened on our second date. I actually saw my ex walking on the street and was surprised. I immediately without thinking said “look that’s my ex I thought he was in another country hahahaha’ He felt bad that I seemed so enthusiastic but I was just surprised and completely over him. I can tell it affects him because he has trouble building trust because his ex cheated on him. He was still sweet and passionate afterwards but I can tell it was bothering him. I cried when he said he felt iffy about that and the emotion is going away on its own. I told him I didn’t want him to stop seeing me because of a misunderstanding. He said he’ll still want to see me. After our date ended he said I’ll see you soon and when I said when, he said next week. He said that he’ll text me soon but when is soon. He would always say I’ll text you at a specific time. I want to make it up to him by saying I got lingerie to wear for him next time. Would that make him more communicative and drop the misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

No it won’t. See the problem w a lot of women is they never actually address the issue, which was your behavior. You may not have meant it to come out that way in whatever way he took it, but it did. Now instead of addressing your actions, you’re trying to smooth it over by offering him sex or something. You’re not addressing the actual issue. Women tend to do that. They don’t focus on what did I actually do to make him upset or mad? How can I address my behavior? They’re just focused on he’s mad so how do I make him smile or laugh. Oh I know cook him has favorite meal or have sex w him that’ll work. Example. If a man gets mad at her because she went over their spending limit for their monthly budget because she saw some cute dress. Instead of address her behavior of doing such things, correcting it, she’s just looking at the fact that he’s mad. How can I make him smile rather than taking responsibility for my actions or lack there of. Maybe he felt not only insecure about your reaction to your ex but what your ex looks like as well. Maybe he felt like he didn’t match up to your ex. Whether your ex was taller, cuter, etc, etc. Address his concerns, his feelings. Putting horns on a pig doesn’t make it a deer, it’s still a pig. You’re just trying to throw a coating of paint over something you know has more issues underneath.

[slatyb]

You made a perfectly normal comment. It's very odd that it upset him, and it's not your fault on any way. You do not want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to speak for fear of upsetting your partner.

[Asker]

Yes he got trust issues. During the date he was constantly kissing and touching me so I don’t get why he wants to cut contact

[slatyb]

"he wants to cut contact" -- let him. He's looking for a fantasy, not a partner.

[Aubrey97]

I don't feel like that's the best thing to communicate. Maybe just emphasize you'd like to see him again and text him first and tell him you're excited to see him again and you're not excited about the ex. Leave lingerie out of it especially since it sounds like you're not really at the phase yet. Go ahead and have it on for the next date if you want, assuming there is one but I don't think it's something you should say to try and use as motivation for him.

[Jkgordon]

Oh please if he doesn’t take your word forget it already