Guys, Should I leave my boyfriend for this or am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy off Hinge in feb and we've been 2gether every since. He is very kind, generous, intentional, caring, affectionate, emotionally mature, great physique, & not to mention self aware. He even cooks for me. Simply put, I've never had a man show up for me in the way that he had. However last night his phone was on the table & a text came through from a woman who said that she wanted to suck him. When I confronted him about it he was calm & didn't raise his voice. But simply explained that this was a woman that he was talking to on hinge prior 2 me but he never seen her in person. He said their conversations had been friendly & that he was shocked because she's never said anything like that b4. I told him that didn't make sense & that women just don't say stuff like they out of their mouth if they hadn't been led on or if nothing had happened. He said that he was being honest & nothing ever happened but admitted it was wrong & he shouldn't entertained her and that he was going to cut her off. I'm so confused. He asked if we should call her 2 basically make me feel better. I said no but i guess i should have said yes and asked to see the text messages. I spent the night at his house last night when this occurred and had distanced myself from him all morning until I left at 2pm. We had a good time until that occurred. I even woke up mid night 2 sleep on his couch because I couldn't sleep nor sleep side by him. He reached out to me tonight to check up on me but I told him that at some point I want 2 discuss the situation... becus he asked me if i wanted to while i was at his house but i said i didn't want 2 talk about it. He said take all the time I need. Should I leave him? He doesn't hide his phone or take it with him places & it's never faced down. I just nvr thought he'd be a person I'd experience this with. I really like him but my trust in him had diminished. I just can't help but think that he would still be entertaining this girl if I didn't catch him.

[teamvic]

Hmmm that is really weird🤔🧐

Why is he still even in contact with her for one. And two, you're right. Girls generally don't just randomly say that to a dude. Unless they've talked about that in the past. Because I know of some girls that would randomly say stuff like that to me, but never if we never talked sexual before🤔

It's hard to say. Cause he's probably lying about how they've never talked about stuff like that. I mean unless the girl REALLY randomly said that but if we're talking percentage wise. How likely is a girl to just say that to a random dude she met off hinge or whatever you said

But anyway, you say he's never tried to hide his phone or anything suspicious and prior to this you never really had a reason.

I mean you guys are still a new couple so like MAYBE? It could be the case. But I just think it's unlikely. That a girl out of NO WHERE says she wants to suck the soul outta ol buddies dick after 3 months of no contact? Make it make sense

I dont want to say break up with him. Because as you said. You've never had anything like him before but do you genuinely think you can just forget about that🤔 it'll always be in the back of your head. Not to mention. Let's say hypothetically he is cheating. Now he'll just be more secretive.🤔 again I'm not saying he IS. But that's one of the biggest red flags I've ever seen in the history of red flags bro.

I'd like to hear what you're thinking🤔 about whether or not you want to leave him

[teamvic]

You're definitely not over reacting. By the way. It's definitely a cause for concern

[Asker]

So I spoke with him tonight on FaceTime and he took accountability just like he did in person although he mentioned that it happened and so he won't beat himself up about it.
He said that he was speaking with this girl on hinge before he met me on there but never met her in person and just entertained her through text.
He said that's all on him. And that he understands if I want to leave because if he saw it on his end it would raise some eyebrows.
He said that we can take a step back if I need to and that I can take all the time I need.
He stated again that he was surprised to see that she said that because he would have been much smarter than that as I was over his house then and he doesn't hide his phone or takes it in other rooms etc.
He said he had spoken to her 2 days prior to her response and it was a normal conversation, not about having sex but there was conversations like that prior to me coming into the picture.
He said there was no excuse and was not trying make any but our relationship is new and people learn and says bcus its new , he is still in the cleaning up phase where he is cutting off ties people. He said he's been cleaning up and dropping other people but didn't clean up properly. Keep in mind we've been talking on Hinge since mid February but we made it official last week of March. It almost June

[Asker]

Thanks vic for responding by the way. He said he didn't do us justice making sure everyone was cut off. He said he didn't move swiftly enough.
Also when I asked what he did with the conversation after the fact. He said he told her that my girl saw the message. And I said so she knew you had a girl and he said yes. So I asked of he cut it off he said yes otherwise i didn't learn my lesson..
Then he started giggling... I don't know 🙄 this is a lot. I want to be with him and I believe he didn't have sex but he's admitted to texting a few during the week, late night, falling into the day and talked on the phone a bit

[Asker]

He said he learned from this and admitted that nobody wants to see a text like that but on the flip side that it's just a text message but also says he is not trying to find excuses but it shows him how we handle problems and how easily feelings can get ln the way and how people easily give up or people can't fight adversity...

[teamvic]

Hmmm he's either genuine about what he's saying or he's a master manipulator 🤔

Cause I like to study people and by doing that I also learned, not intentionally, but I did figure out how to lie to make people believe what I say and that's some shit I would say if I was trying to manipulate you🤔😂

But I will say, give him the benefit of the doubt, besides this you guys have been good. but if ANYTHING else like this happens. Then that's too many red flags for me. And you gots to goooo

I dont like how he's talking about, "stuff like this is how we grow" like what kinds shit is that🤨 and how people "can't fight adversity"? And how he gets if you leave. Like that shit sounds like he's tryna make yo ass feel bad about the situation to make you forgive him. I dont know that last part you typed just don't sit well with me but maybe I'M overthinking now😂but I'm not much to do so

Just give him the benefit of the doubt here, but don't become blind. Although he's been good to you so far. You also have to remember, you ARE still a new couple. So you don't know him as much as a girl would, that is in a relationship with a guy for 5 years

I'm not saying constantly be defensive in the relationship or have your guard up around him. No you should be happy and trust him. But at the same timeeee🧐🧐🧐don't be oblivious 🧐

As I said, a red flag is a red flag. Some women tend to ignore them and choose to only see the good
Men too I suppose.

And thats how they get hurt
You ever hear the saying, "love is blinding "
That's where that comes from
And don't let that happen

But anyway that's enough wisdom for now haha

[teamvic]

you're welcome by the way, fruit loop

[Asker]

Thanks, just an update. He broke up with me today and said that he didn't like the way that we handled the situation. Basically blaming me for taking a break from him to process My thoughts for a few days which was his suggestion in the first place. He clearly said. If you need some time to think take all the time that you need and reach out to me when you want to talk so that's what I did. I guess i made a mistake of sending a text this morning, just advising that i would like to continue the relationship and that I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but that trust must be established. And then he took six hours to respond, something that he's never done before and broke it off with me. He still says he's not interested in any other woman but his reasoning for breaking it off with me doesn't make sense. He takes accountability and says it's his fault for not cutting off communication but yet still blames me for being standoffish and taking a break from communication. I didn't yell at him or curse at him or call him out of his name. But I am being blamed. I kind of feel disposable and honestly No guy has ever broken up with me

[Asker]

I guess I turned him off by questioning him about it. As mentioned previously I didn't yell, call him out his name or hit him when I confronted him but I was stern and told him of my expectations and boundaries. I blocked his number tonight and deleted him off of instagram

[teamvic]

Yeahhh that sounds like some shit he'd do

See I knew something was off when I told you about how I ain't like how it looked like he was tryna make you feel bad

What it sounds like to me is he's just trying to sound wise and mature but doesn't actually mean it. Like so girls will think, wow, "he's mature, what a great guy" but he didn't mean it. He was saying shit you wanted to hear. It all sounded too," generic" you know what i mean?🤔 like, it was an interview and was just saying all the right things. As I said, it sounded like it was manipulation to me🤔

Honestly fuck that dude. He's most definitely gonna go hit up that other girl. If he wasn't actually cheating in the first place but also, I don't remember what I was gonna say but it was good

Anyway it's not like you didn't have a reason to not trust him and it's not like you over reacted either? Like sounds like he just doesn't like the fact that he didn't get to take advantage of you. I think you handled it really well and you did everything you should

If you will, he if ever tries to contact you somehow, tell him to fuck off and also can you tell him that I told him to eat my ass🙂

Don't feel disposable ma'am, I've noticed women tend to feel like they were the problem and try to put themselves down when in reality he's just a sensitive little snowflake. He just didn't like that you didn't trust him. Even though you had a VERY good reason🧐
It's also how women get stupid in abusive relationships. But that's a different lesson for another day

Well, you're better off without him. On the bright side at least you're not wasting more time with this dumb mu fucka and having to deal with this 2 or 3 YEARS down the line.

[teamvic]

Stuck** in abusive relationships. Not stupid😂 I proof read everything but the last two paragraphs 😐