Is he cheating or am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Hi, please be kind. My other half makes me feel like I'm going crazy. He takes his phone wherever he goes, puts it down face down when he's home and sleeps with it under his pillow. I've called him out on this before and he swears he's not doing anything. Recently I spoke to him about whether or not he'd changed his notification setting on his lock screen as they used to show and stay until he looked at them and now they flash once and 'hide' so to speak until you swipe up. I know before anyone says the main issue lies with me and I don't trust him but I'm trying to be better.

Another thing is- as I'm on android and him iphone I don't know if there are certain differences that just make me feel I'm going crazy for instance if I have a WhatsApp update it comes from settings, do you get WhatsApp updates through actual WhatsApp on iphone or are they simply hidden notifications. Please help a girl out. Photo attached for reference

[Logan-5]

Does he shower with it?

When my last SO found out I was seeing her incomings, she changed her password and the settings you spoke of (iPhone). So in her mind the problem wasn't her cheating but my finding out. Then it's irretrievable and time to get out. I think you've reached that point.

Tie him up and tell him you won't let him go until you get his password or he 'fesses up. (Just kidding. In the US anyway, the ECPA makes going through someone's phone without their permission illegal, never mind preceding it with threats and kidnapping.)

[Asker]

He doesn't shower with it but he literally does everything else with it and I find recently he's being more cagey with it. The problem is he's given me his passwords and we've done the whole going through the phone thing but as you say I might be at the point of no return. I hate to be made to feel crazy, I was in a 7 year relationship that ended amicably with no healing needed and after 6 months with this guy I feel like I'm losing myself. I just want to know what's going on with his WhatsApp when my photo clearly shows (attached) but other WhatsApp notifications do not.

[Somoneelse]

He is definetly hiding SOMETHING. Otherwise he wouldn't take it everywhere he goes, even putting below his pillow when he sleeps and change his settings right after you ask him about it.

"He takes his phone wherever he goes, puts it down face down when he's home and sleeps with it under his pillow.""Recently I spoke to him about whether or not he'd changed his notification setting on his lock screen as they used to show and stay until he looked at them and now they flash once and 'hide' so to speak until you swipe up."

in all honesty, you dont seem to trust him, and he gives you enough reasons not to. I would say confront him one final time or just break up because this will only escalate otherwise.

[Asker]

My thoughts exactly, I have the passwords to his phone ipad etc but they're never left around so I feel like it counts for nothing and all the other reasons he gives me. Plus why some notifications on WhatsApp show and some do not. I don't trust him you're right and I'm not sure I'll get it back but I will speak to him. Thank you

[LilMeg2010]

You can set iPhone to show different notification levels on the lock screen, or not show them at all. That's normal, but there might be a reason why he doesn't want the actual message displayed on there

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply, I was just wondering what that notification could be because when other people message (friends etc) their face also comes up with notification like how mine looks but I was wondering if this could just be something silly like an update or if it could be more. I don't want to call him out for no reason.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Trying to be kind here, but it sorta seems like neither of you trust the other one.

You don't trust him to be faithful. He doesn't trust you to respect his privacy.

I mean, it's possible that he's being so secretive because he really is cheating on you. Or maybe he caught you looking through his phone once before, or he got annoyed with all the questions you've been asking him, and now he feels like he has to hide his phone.

Whether your boyfriend is cheating or not, this seems like an unhealthy relationship.

[Asker]

That's a really fair statement to be honest. I can't trust him for numerous reasons and there's something I feel is just off. You're right he probably doesn't trust me to respect his privacy but it'd be nice for him to make me feel more at ease. I've never felt insecure in my life but he does things to make me insecure then makes me feel like I'm crazy and honestly I'm so drained. Thank you for your reply and your honest opinion.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Again, don't want to be unkind, but maybe you'd be better off if you weren't in this relationship.

I mean, I'm just a random internet dude, so don't take my word for it, but maybe think about whether this relationship is a positive for you.

[Asker]

Thank you

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Good luck.

[Firestar01]

/|\ This!

Really sound answer. The level of lack of trust alone is grounds for ending this one. For example: I value my privacy over everything and I never ever shared passwords with anyone, nor did I ever let anyone see any notifications. You either trust me or not - but you are not getting a glimpse of my work related e-mails, because those are patented secrets anyways.

That said, if the behaviour changes, there is a reason. Either him or you, but it doesn't happen randomly. Just find someone whom you can trust. It will be better for you and for your current guy.

[LiamJHayden]

I turn my phone face down all the time because I've had something fall on it and replacing the screen is costly.

That said, yes, you seem to not trust him, but he also seems to be giving you reasons via his changing behavior to do so. I personally end it when I have distrust, but you need to do what works for you.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply, it is a bit of both. I don't trust him which is bad and he is giving me reason I will see what happens.

[teamvic]

Who the hell is the girl with a kiss emoji on what's app?🤨

Did he know you saw that notification?

[Asker]

That's me 😂 that's why I scribbled the name I was wondering about the WhatsApp notification that doesn't show anything at all that just "whatsapp"

[teamvic]

I was about to sayyy😂

[teamvic]

But him hiding his phone does seem a little suspicious

[Asker]

It does and what about the whatsapp notification alongside mine. It's just messing with my head because I know all of his friends and colleagues notifications appear like mine do. I just wanted to know if it is likely an update or something before I call him out and just look crazier 🤦🏼‍♀️🥺

[teamvic]

That I can't help you with. I dont use what's app. Perhaps look through the settings and see if you can do that for your husband and next time he texts you see if it notifies the same way that one does for him

[Asker]

Good idea thank you

[SotiCoto]

I'm guessing you've given him every reason to hide his phone from you by constantly invading his privacy... right?

He might be cheating. He might not. But you're definitely crazy.

[Anonymous]

Easier said then done, but let go of the issue. Stop caring about his phone in that way. If he's cheating, then it will come to light. Have a good time with each other.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply, it is easier said than done when trust is broken but will see if we can move past it.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh, so i see where you are coming from. He did cheat because he entertained the idea of hooking up with someone else. Did you catch him red-handed? He maybe found a Ukraine dude, using female pics, and he's being suckered. However, you may have also of found where his heart is.

[jahaims]

If you don't trust him don't date him.

[Asker]

True. Thanks

[Danny_dan92]

Yes. There’s a 95% chance he is