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There’s this guy I’m talking to but he is not fit.
he’s rather thin with a big stomach.
it’s not giant, it doesn’t hand but it look like a circle hard and out.
I told him I need to lose weight so he said he does too. Which was good.
he started to ride his bike but I want him to go to the gym to get volume not just lose weight from the stomach.
his arms are so thin. I want him just a bit muscular
but I don’t want him to feel offended
I don’t want him to feel insecure for words I may say that can affect emotionally.
Would it be bad if I showed him this pic?
The one at the top is his arm just to give a visual. It’s blurry as I don’t want to expose someone too much but just so you have an idea of the difference.
of course there other fish in the sea like people say but I’m 38 and nobody shows interest for me and he did so I think this is my only shot if I’m gonna get a partner at all but I don’t feel seduced? I don’t feel physical attraction and I do believe that for relationships to work there has to be at least some physical attraction.
I like he spends time with me to talk and seems like a good partner.
what do you suggest I do?
my previous boyfriend was not extremely muscular like big, but he was very fit and you could see his muscles, he looked strong.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Bone structure, body type and fat percentage counts for a lot.
I've been strength training for a good number of years, but still have skinny arms.
It will depend on his bone structure. That pic would be impossible to attain for me.
And if you showed me that, of course, I wouldn't speak to you again. You can't realistically expect a whole different person, and for the guy with any self-respect to stay.
A lot of women are quite overweight, so of course, they want a big guy to sort of compensate for that.
Sounds like there's a lot of factors here at play. But if you don't like someone for who they are maybe you should move on. And consider the factors at play when you say you don't attract men yourself? Why is that? Are you looking after yourself? Are you getting out there? Do you have good habits? Etc.
I like your answer. It helps. This is exactly what I was afraid of, showing something and then not having anyone at all because I made him feel bad in some type of way.
That’s not my intent. I just don’t feel attracted sexually to super skinny with big stomach.
Of course I’m not super model and I’m not fit. I need to lose weight myself. You are partially right about the part of women being overweight. But I am trying to look better.
I don’t go out anywhere I work from
Home and I have no friends so I don’t get out almost at all to see if someone would be attracted to me so I can’t answer truthfully as to why men are not pursuing me as I don’t know if maybe I would get out more and still not attract anyone at all.
So if you were shown a photo of a man that was less muscular than that on the photo I posted, would you still disappear? Like I shouldn’t show any at all?
I did mention to him to join a gym a few months ago but he replied with “they are too crowded and I don’t like waiting for machines”.. so basically no. How can he grain any muscular physic just riding a bike?
Yeah, I get what you're attracted to. The skinny part is probably the hardest bit to change if he's got that body type. It's probably easiest conceptually to understand the three body types. If he's an ectomporph, as I am, then it's just not physically possible to become big.
Well, unless you take some 'juice' or you eat 6000 calories a day. But that is not sustainable.
If he has a big stomach then he clearly doesn't particularly take care of himself. But from the sounds of it, nor do you.
You have to be realistic from where you are. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't expect a super fit guy.
But from the sounds of it you're more attracted to chunkier or bigger men in general. Which this guy is not. You shouldn't get with someone expecting to change the essence of who they are. That is not fair on the person.
Honestly, it sounds like you have some issues. Perhaps some self work might be in order so you can get yourself out there and attract a guy you want?
I would disappear because I respect myself. I've been through too much to tolerate that bullshit and expect a certain standard of relationship and interaction at my age. One of the things I really value is appreciation. A woman appreciating me for who I am without wanting to change me.
by the way, just to reiterate, I often strength train for 2.5 hours 4x a week with weighted calisthenics, big compound movements. Even if I perfect my routine and diet, with more isolation and calories, I ain't getting that body above.
I don’t have a big stomach. My problem is more on my hips and legs, arms, face. I even had some of my hips removed because I thought it was too ugly and the doctor didn’t want to he said why if that’s what make me look curvy and gives the “hour glass” shape. Giant curves for me looks gross.
Anyway I know I can’t even be picky because I can’t find anyone, but also why can’t I be able to say I want him to have a smaller stomach and some muscular arms without offending?
Why is this world full of people with fragile feelings. I’m really annoyed.
Of course if someone I’m interested in says something about my appearance it can make me feel a certain way uncomfortable maybe a tad bit sad depending on the comment but one can tel if someone is just making fun of your or just wants you to change a bit. I want feel sexually attracted, but he’s not doing anything to even look sexy. Losing weight alone does not do that.
I’m annoyed with all these feelings getting hurt and bailing out on people because of it. 🤯
”I want him just a bit muscular”. Are you trolling? If not, do you even understand what kind of effort, diet and woekout routine goes into getting and maintaining a bidy that looks like in the ”inspo” picture you posted? And yeah, most people would be offended if their date or partner showed them a picture of a body that looks very different from theirs and say looks like this please. They would be offended if you showed them any sort of picture of what you want their appearence to be. Like wtf. Just stop. Accept him as he is or move on. Actually, just move on because you’re not attracted to him and don’t respect him either.
by the way, apart from extreme diet and very heavy exercise, people who look like that often even take illegal substances to look like that.
Exactly. Women have no concept of the kind of effort it would take to attain that. Women generally look good by doing 30 body weight squats and a few sit ups in a gym. Believe me, I've seen women post that kind of crap on instagram and still have pretty decent bodies. That's child's work.
I do double digit pullups and weighted pullups, with good form, and my arms are still annoyingly skinny.
@Levin why is everyone fat in your backdrop photo delivering their brains and walking away without it?
Convid. Worshipping the alter of science.
Have you seen the size of my arms that can’t offend me
No I haven’t. I don’t even know you. But what if you had thin arms? and the girl you were talking with as potential partner, showed you a photo of a mean with fit body and bigger arms? Would this make you feel bad? Insecure? Sad?
In my previous relationship I saw what my partner watched so I had an idea of what he was attracted to and I tried to look like that but in my own way and I didn’t feel bad because he didn’t show me that and said I want you to look like this. I just did it myself and I didn’t feel offended or something like that.
But I don't know if I would have get insecure, sad or offended if he had shown me another girl and said I should try to look like that type of thing.. etc..
Look at my picture
I can’t for some reason but I can see what you mean. But if you didn’t look like that. If you had thin arms and the girl you were taking with shows you a photo of another man who looks fitter and bigger arms than you, would you take this in a positive way or feel bad in some way?
Come on everybody can go to a profile and see the picture. What do you mean you can’t
you’re avoiding my question and you’re making everything exactly about your question. All you had to do is just look real quick.
And I would’ve answered your question
I did click your profile it doesn’t let me click your photo but I can see what you mean anyway
lol 😂