The not wanting to be seen with your girlfriend in public because she’s overweight sounds kind of shallow, but I can understand losing a sense of physical attraction to a partner if they suddenly became overweight, due to a lack of trying and/or poor dietary choices. I myself have never really been physically attracted to men who are overweight. I’ve always been in to men who are in at least average shape and tall. They don’t have to have perfectly sculpted lean muscles like Brad Pitt, Christian Bale, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, and the male models on the cover of Sports Illustrated. They need to show that they care enough about their bodies to at least get back to or remain in ok shape and exercise some self-control over their appetite, though. I don’t want to hug, kiss, make out, or sleep with a guy with a body mass so wide that he can’t see his own body below his waist and it feels like I’m about to get suffocated whenever we’re intimate. Not to mention the fact that being overweight for a prolonged period of time leads to a much higher mortality rate/a much shorter life expectancy.
That being said, life does happen, too. Our metabolisms start to slow down in our mid-twenties. Most of us don’t have the money to have bodies and diets that look as perfect as celebrities on the covers of magazines. Conditions such as Cushing’s Disease, depression, hypothyroidism, or naturally having an endomorph body structure do make it more difficult to lose weight and keep it off. However, from what I’ve seen, people with these issues can get them treated, eat moderately healthy, work out at least a few times a week, and end up gaining and maintaining at least an average healthy in their build.
How long has your girlfriend been overweight? Was she always like this from the time you met her? Is it a new thing? Have you expressed concern over her health for being overweight? There is a way to do it kindly without sounding like a jackass. You could offer to help her go on a diet, or offer to go work out with her. If you’re so ashamed of being seen with her in public for simply being overweight in and of itself, though, I think it’s best to just end it. It’s one thing to feel less physically attracted to a partner because they’ve become overweight, but to be so repulsed that you’re not even willing to offer them compassion and support to get healthier because you don’t want to be seen with them in public anymore? You’re not invested
I won’t tell you you’re wrong for feeling that way but you’re really not doing her or yourself any favors by staying with her if that’s how you feel. You need to rethink the relationship and if you decide you don’t want to be with a big girl (and that’s fine if you don’t), you need to let her go. It may hurt her a bit at first but eventually she’ll either find someone else who’s not embarrassed to be seen with her OR she’ll feel more motivated to work on herself more and lose the weight, which is good for her either way.
1. From my POV as a traditional man, unless you are trying to figure out if she is wife material & mother material, there is zero reason to keep dating. You're not married. You are free to move on for any reason.
2. As hard as you may find it to believe, just like you have settled for way less than you actually want in a girlfriend, she may be settling for way less than she wants in a boyfriend. What do you think will happen when she hits the gym and turns from a -3 out of 10 to a 6 or even an 8? She's going to upgrade to another dude faster than you can say 'protien shake'.
3. You need to ask yourself why you got with her in the first place... if it was just for sex then that's pathetic from my POV... to do that and not want to be seen in public. You're using her.
Have ever you been proud of something before to the point where you'd easily defend against someone else saying otherwise? This could be about your mother/father being a good parent or how you're fiercely loyal to friends.
Treat your girlfriend in that way. Focus on why you are with her and take pride in it. Most people are not going to be judging you for it or think less of you for dating a fat girl. Hell, a friend of mine is and I think his relationship is wholesome as hell, since it's lasted so long. He's always posting pictures of her and being proud she's his girlfriend. No one gives him shit for it either and not even behind his back too. I remember none of our mutual friends doing it in high school despite how often people gossip
Also, ignore what people have said about ending the relationship or that you are a jerk. We both are young and still at an age where we care what others think a good amount. I would share the same fear of judgement, but I would actively work on it.
Just give it time and actively try to change your thinking in it. If it doesn't change in time, then I agree it should end if it's a big issue for you.
I mean maybe it wouldn’t be so embarrassing if you didn’t use her body as a fetish? I mean why take a picture that empathizes on your body’s to begin with?
@kingofme1 nope never said every guy only likes an overweight women because of a fetish, I am referring to a man that is embarrassed to show her off in public but isn’t afraid to bang her in private. That would be called feeding your fetish.
@kylee2437 That's not proof of fetish. The problem he is having is he needs to alter his deep rooted conditioning. He feels uncomfortable because some of his conditioning isn't in harmony with what he is doing. Fetish really isn't even worth talking about here which is why it leads to me think you are telling us more about your conditioning than his.
So, like any man who only wa ta a woman for sex, you are ashamed of her and don't care about her. And this society people have sex while they have no actual connection to one another. So, you are a user. Yes, you should feel bad. Will you fix it? Probably not. If she cares for you I guess you'll drop her and break her heart when she wants a comittment or decent treatment or to be valued for who she is.
@DermalPunch exactly! Using someone’s body for sex is called fetishing someone. It’s actually pretty disgusting that he likes her body in private but in public it’s a problem.
@kylee2437 Playing devil's advocate here, because I may have missed a post, but I don't see where he says he likes her body in private either. Maybe he's with her because of her winning personality and it has nothing to do with fetishizing her.
@BoopBoopBeep if it was really about personality, he wouldn’t highlight on her body to begin with , PLUS if you go a few comments above he clearly states it’s about the sex. Sorry I’m not really that stupid to this fetish. He has a fetish he clearly only enjoys in private and that’s because it’s for sexual needs. It’s disgusting.
You can like someone's personality and still be turned off by the fact that they are 300lbs. Women do it to men all the time. Look at all the men who let themselves go... not "dad bod" but Al Bundy level of let themselves go, and still have an attractive, fit wife. Personality DOES count for something out there... at least with most people I know.
That said, I saw the BBC comment so I accept you may be right on your overall assessment in this situation
No, fetishizing someone isn't simply using them for sex. He is a troll but let's say he is for real. He didn't target her because she was fat. He is simply having sex with a fat girl. Using one. If anything, sounds lkke he has a fetishbfor big butts. You don't need to be fat to have a big butt.
Yes, it is wrong to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your girlfriend's appearance or size. You should be proud to be with her and focus on the qualities and traits that you love about her. It is important to remember that everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, and physical appearance should not be the basis for judging or valuing someone. It may be helpful to reflect on why you feel this way and try to address any underlying insecurities or biases that may be contributing to this negative attitude. Additionally, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and work together to build a supportive and respectful relationship.
There is nothing wrong with it. Don't listen to negative commenters on here. All it means is you have some deep rooted conditioning that isn't in harmony with what you're doing. It causes a chaotic vibration.
If you want to be with her, you should; even if you feel embarrassed. Key: Whatever you are thinking other people think, tell yourself they are thinking the opposite. You'll start to rewire the mind.
When you start to feel uncomfortable you'll be aware of what you subconsciously think other people are thinking. And to be honest, it is what you subconsciously believe too.
However, if you actually do care about her being over weight then @DizzyDesii comment might be a better action step.
I knew a 20s guy who was married to a wife with a very fit body and maybe average face. We were co-workers and hung out a lot. He actually asked me if I thought his wife was ugly because he was concerned some guys might think that. I couldn't believe it. How does a guy even get married to a woman if he has those thoughts, I wondered. " I told him something like who cares what others think. If you're into her that's all that matters". I did not give him any opinion on her looks because he caught me off guard and normally you never are giving a guy an opinion about his woman. Ha.
@hahahmm I agree, my opinion doesn't matter as I may have different preferences. So to ask a friend, puts them in a bit of an uncomfortable spot and is somewhat unfair to ask.
it is wrong, why are you with her then? stop worrying about what others think or get over your own ego. if you love each other and are happy eff everyone else. embarrassed about what? fat, skinny, short , tall, does it really matter? i have a patient he is 6foot skinny with a 5'5 400 pound wife? they are happy who cares
Get her in the gym. Tell her SOMETHING has got to change or you WILL move on because its reached a point that is making you uncomfortable and lose attraction. Then hug/kiss her and assure her that you don’t want to leave, but you will only out forth as much effort as she does in terms of taking care of herself.
If you aren't attracted to her, don't be with her. It's a disservice to you both and you can just find someone who's in better shape. If you ARE attracted to her, then you need to just learn to stop caring what strangers think. Embarrassment is your own issue, unless people are literally harassing you and throwing stuff at you guys.
Ey, she got it going on... so kind of yes. It is wrong. Sure, i don't want a fat husband but I won't be embarrassed about him. Just... annoyed. Because I've already walked to the Tilly store in the mall and he's still panting from catching up with me from hot topic... which is 4 stores down.
Break up with her. Why on earth would you choose to date someone you’re embarrassed to be seen with? That makes no sense at all. It only matters what YOU think. If you’re attracted to her, fuck what others think and you do you.
u have two choices , u either don't date her , or just be confident and be a man who's proud to show his type in women , so u prefer fat women? then no one needs to judge u on that , it's your type and preference , I actually feel bad for your girlfriend bc she's with a guy who's ashamed of her in public , just man up and be confident
Do you really love her? You have to ask that to yourself. People should not feel uncomfortable about how is phisically their partners or about their jobs. You should love her and care about her in everything! An important thing is also encouraging her to be better so you can propose her to go gym with you or if she have an eating problem say her u are worrued about her and that u love her and want her to be better.
@Sasha0426 his wording is harsh but if I loved someone who was very overweight or even had a gut, I would ask them to do something about it. If I want to grow ild with you, being g overweight brings other health complications.
Then why are you with her? Why not break up and find someone that fits the lifestyle and needs better? Or you can change your attitude about it. But why is she fat in the first place? And why can't she slim down?
There are two different types of men with gay women: 1) the man that lets her neglect her health and eat herself to death 2) the man that helps her lose it I went from 245 to 200 met him at 200 he helped me am now 137
Dude, your brain is telling you what you want and you're not listening : You don't want her, and you wanna be "nice" and you wanna be "good" but maybe you should be "selfish".
Well, first of all, you chose her to have a relationship with. If you regret it, break up with her right this second. If she asks why, straight up tell her the truth. Not gonna lie she will be pissed.
@Asker Oh, so you’re using her just for sex? I get you. Well, just hope she doesn’t find out and break up with you. Or do since you hate the fact she’s your girlfriend.
Why do people do things they are embarrassed to tell others? Is that wrong? It's just conditioning. It's not wrong. It's only wrong if you treat them badly because of it.
Of course it's not wrong, plenty of guys have to settle for fat chicks. What I suggest is use her to help u attract a slightly more attractive chick and work your way up like that. Gl
Well stop dating her then. I mean it’s going to hurt her when she finds out she’s dating a phony who isn’t attracted to her. Be kind with the break up, too.
It's not wrong. It just means he has to alter his deep rooted conditioning. Maybe he likes her this way but still has conditioning that isn't in harmony with it. Now if he doesn't like her weight then maybe he needs to have a real convo about it with her and make some decisions.
If that’s truly the way that you feel then you should break up with her. She deserves to be with someone who loves her for absolutely everything that she has going on. She doesn’t deserve to be in love with someone who is embarrassed of her.
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Anonymous
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You are messed up. Then leave her. If all you cared about is how her body looks then the relationship is not even worth it. Let her find a person who loves her and find yourself a chick who fits your type.
It's not bad. Either good nor bad. It just means he has deep rooted conditioning that isn't in harmony with how he is living. He may very well be attracted to her. He just has to shift the conditioning.
And if he doesn't like her weight then maybe they need to have a real talk.
you could have stopped at embarrassed minus the reason behind it and just break up of have a conversation with her about it. of don't have a conversation and tell her this relationship is not a good fit for you and spare her the reason
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