Should you break up for a great life opportunity if your SO isn't on board with it?

Question

Let's say, you got a job across the world, but your SO of a year+ doesn't want to move, is she or he, or that chance for change and growth in your life, more worth it to you?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

I guess my thoughts are along the lines of, Can you have a conversation to analyze how this could work for both of you? It could be a knee-jerk reaction on their part because it feels overwhelming. But if you can break it down into bite-sized pieces that feel more manageable, a reasonable person should start to relax a little. The key here is to get buy-in from them and ease them into how this could be really neat. If you just say, "Hey, I'm getting a job in Tokyo. We'll need to move in three months...", that won't set well because they are immediately a) out of the decision-making process and b) tossed into survival mode. If, instead, you say "Hey, a really neat opportunity opened up for me, and I'd like to discuss it with you...", it puts the topic into shared space and invites collaboration.

I think as long as your person feels included and respected, you can usually succeed in working something out. If they totally refuse and have no interest in a) being long-distance for a time or b) making an adventure out of it, I think there are larger issues and insecurities going on.*

*The only exception I would make is if there are kids in the picture. Kids need stability, and it is three times harder to give them that while you are on the other side of the world. I mean, you might be the kind of person who can pull it off, but very few people can.

Seinna · Accepted Answer

If I'm married or engaged then I chose the SO each and every time.

It's the same if children are involved so that's why it's best to have them after marriage.

If not then it depends if I'm likely to marry them, if yes then I use this opportunity to inquire about it and put my food down to make it happen. If not then I take the opportunity because staying in that relationship is a waste of time anyways. After being with someone for a year you can tell.

libsaretards · Accepted Answer

What I am saying is geared towards an unmarried couple. Obviously a married couple will have to consider things differently. I've never been married so I cannot speak to that scenario.

Yes, you should end the relationship. The person who is meant for your life will add to it, not take from it. Also, it does not mean you have to part ways badly. Sometimes it just is not meant to be.

I saw many people leave the military over a spouse or SO. Once out, it is hard to get back in. Same with many careers. People often regret giving up their passion. And someone who would inhibit your dreams will probably end up not working out anyways.

ALWAYS pursue your career first, THEN find someone who fits in with your life.

Yes, there is some compromise to be had, but if it comes down to the relationship over career, pick the career. Otherwise you could lose the relationship AND your means of supporting yourself.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Really depends on the scenario. My dream is to make my own off grid self sustained house in the mountains/forest, renovate my own campervan and travel often with it, write a novel, and have my own brand in fashion, furniture, and homegoods.

If a girl is telling me it's her or my dream, I'm choosing my dream every time. A partner that truly loves me wouldn't ever tell me not to pursue my dream. However, I don't see how my dream could ever conflict with a girl's dreams, unless she wants to live somewhere I don't.

Rei13 · Answer

It depends on which you value more. If you value that opportunity more than that person then yes you should, for both your sake and theirs. I would personally choose my partner and obviously if kids are involved they come first.

Pinay_ako · Answer

if it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should take it. If your partner understands and is willing to wait, then even better. If not, it’s not meant to be.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Never should have gotten together in the first place. Someone clearly hadn’t figured their shit out yet, and couldn’t care less about the wreckage they left in their wake.
“First, you must decide who you are going to be. Then you may decide where you want to go. Finally you can decide who will go with you. If you miss any step or get them in the wrong order, your life will be filled with regrets.”

Anonymous · Answer

If the opportunity is more important than your relationship. If you’d regret not doing it if you and your partner later broke up after you said no to the opportunity. However if you’re married and/or have kids together then it’s a no no matter what. You don’t break up over something like that then.

bobalife · Answer

It’s complex… I believe a good relationship help build and uplift each other… if my partner’s dream career is across the country, I’d be sad it’s a far move, but I would never ask anyone to stay and encourage them to obtain their dreams instead… we could possibly make it work to move together or do abit long distance until we make it work. It doesn’t always have to be a break up in my opinion, you can make it work somehow.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's all about the details. How sure of a thing is the opportunity? How big and rare of an opportunity is it? What is involved in pursuing the opportunity?

I wouldn't give up a good relationship to pursue something that wasn't reasonably guaranteed.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends entirely on the strength of your relationship and the potential within it.

How much would you give up for a once in a lifetime opportunity to bag the love of your life and all that would come with it over the decades.

If however you are just playing at it with little commitment, sure, go for the job.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Ditch them and go, I’m not going to let someone else stop me from doing what I want to do. If they don’t want to join me, that’s fine, we end things amicably and we both move on to someone who better suits our needs.

ZackBan · Answer

There's no one size answer. How good is the opportunity?

If it's an opportunity to actually create generational wealth then I'd say no one should be discouraging it.

But if it's just another dead-end job then maybe it's not worth it

BadApple69 · Answer

I would never leave anyone I love over a job. Anyone that is willing to do that doesn’t really love that person.

DishLady · Answer

It depends on who you are and who your SO is, what your life situation is and what makes the best sense for you both.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Depends on contacts, how long have you been together, what are they giving up by going with you etc are the kids? That could go either way on this

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Right now I'd have to choose relationship. If I were 19, no responsibilities, maybe more likely to chase opportunity. But with 2 kids I can't take risks

JacobJordan · Answer

Nope. When it comes to life in order of importance.  1 your health 2 your family 3 your job  4 everything else

HighValue · Answer

If you are happy with your SO, you should prioritize them. You will have almost no good partner prospects at this point.

FreyaRed · Answer

It's sounds hard but "SO" is replaceable, life opportunities are not.

on_my_knees · Answer

A job across the world? Yeah I would take it and bang that hot Eurotrash.

sheikalana · Answer

It really depends on the stage of the relationship. Is this someone you have plans to marry? If you stay are you going to regret?

LazerBean · Answer

It just depends on the person and relationship, there is no clean cut answer that covers everyone.

DrPepper12 · Answer

A year together isn't much. If this is a life and career altering opportunity you can't say no. Be true to thine self first!

robocop666 · Answer

Stock market techniques that make lots of money are illegal in Europe. I am sure mane europeans left for abroad and made millions or even billions. You can make nothing in Europe all the good stuff is illegal.

Juxtapose · Answer

So you're going to choose making more money and living someplace else over someone you supposedly love?

Booklover_90 · Answer

If someone isn’t helping you grow, he or she will end up  stunting  your growth.

FuqUFggt · Answer

Yes. You should always do what's best for you. Any9ne that tell you different is an enemybthat wants to use you.

jahaims · Answer

If your s/o isn't more important than your career then you should be in a relationship

Anonymous · Answer

There is no way to give a meaningful answer to this question without knowing (al lot) more about the circumstances.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Yep, been with them for a year and he hasn't proposed to u? Red flag

whistlingwh0res · Answer

There is no good man nor good woman after all so why not?

ManInChains · Answer

If you're a man, yes. If you're a woman, no.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

No chance. I work to live, not live to work!

dustybiker2 · Answer

Depends on the job vs partner details.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Wouldn't be worth it to me.

RossyBoi · Answer

Yes, I would dump her.

Thyyi · Answer

No you shouldn’t

impalabill77 · Answer

I wouldn't

Should you break up for a great life opportunity if your SO isn't on board with it?

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