Should Couples Allow Access to each other Phones, An alternative slant?

[RebelinSteel]

Updates

+1 y

I hate when these things go early.

An alternative view on a question being asked about sharing access to your mobile with your partner.
A lot have said yes you should share.

Would you feel happy with Your Friend sharing information with their Boyfriend / Girlfriend?

You tell them something personal, would you accept this being shared.

Updates

+1 y

Link to the other question

Should couples have access to each other's phones? ↗

[Cute_Miss_Laura]

I think this is far more complicate than the binary choice of “Should couples have access to each other's phones”. I mean should they HAVE access? Yes! Should they ever use that access? No! I believe that if you are living with someone, in a romantic relationship, that they should have access to your phone, for purposes of emergency or even just if they suspect you of infidelity. I just don’t think one should ever look at their partners phone! They are essentially modern day diary's!

I’ve actually told Lee that he can look at my phone whenever he wants, just let me know and I’ll immediately unlock my phone, and give him access. However, if he does, it will tell me that he doesn't trust me, and if he doesn't trust me, then he cannot love me, because love cannot exist without trust! So yeah, he’s welcome to look at my phone if he does not trust me, but I don’t think our relationship would survive.

Likewise, I have total access to his phone, but I would never use that access! I trust him, he trusts me, so neither of us should be afraid of our partner looking at our phone. I firmly believe that if you are in a serious relationship then you should not be doing anything that you could not immediately tell your partner! If you are, then you are not trustworthy, because you've betrayed your spouse/partner, whatever. But if you are afraid of what your partner will see what’s on your phone, then you are doing something wrong! So stop!

As for my friend sharing a secret with her boyfriend; No! I would be pissed if I shared a secret with my friend, and she shared that with her boyfriend, especially if it was personal! That would be a betrayal of the trust I have given her. However, if I had a friend who was married, I would just assume that she has no secrets between her husband and herself, and I would have to be careful to make sure that if I wanted to tell her something that I did not want her husband knowing, I would make sure to tell her “You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone, not even your husband” before telling her that private, personal information! If I then found out that she betrayed me and told her husband anyway, I would end the friendship! There is NO excuse for betraying a friend, and if you are married, or in a serious relationship, then you need to respect your spouse/partner when they say “I can't tell you, I promised her I would not, because it’s very personal!”

I really hope I answered this correctly, and was of some help.
Laura 🤗 🥰

[RebelinSteel]

@Cute_Miss_Laura thank you a well thought out and structured answer. Yes it’s not a binary thing and also trust is so important. For me wanting to check someone’s personal mobile, check over their Instagram, Whatsapp etc just says I don’t trust you and I need to be sure.
I have never been in a relationship where it was even mentioned and I never even contemplated asking.
One of the last things I would want is a friend saying something in confidence, such as their dad has something wrong, then my girlfriend saying ‘sorry about your dad’
I would be 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
Anyhow, thank you for your opinion

Always a pleasure 🤗😘

[dustybiker2]

I don't deny access. It's kind of like a legal case when the opposition requests say access to medical records. If you grant access they don't necessarily look at your medical records, the act of releasing them is enough to prove you have nothing to hide. This is the comfort I share. I won't look but there wouldn't be anything there.

[NathanDavis]

exactly as @mandyfire98 said... if they want access because their trust is not enough, then I would not want to be in a relationship like that

personally, I've always "had access" to my girlfriends phones, and they had it with mine... but they only did it because they need to use a phone on the spot or another phone on the spot, and not because they wanted to run through it looking for something they suspected or didn't trust about me, so that's never been an issue for me

now, if they had insecurities, unfounded suspicions or just a lack of trust in our relationship I would probably do it once and that's it... if they were to insist on having "all access to my phone at any time" in order to "keep track" I would just not belong in that relationship, trust is a must for me... and people in love with me do need to have that trust in me, yes or yes, yes...

[RebelinSteel]

@NathanDavis exactly. I have never asked or even thought about asking or giving access to my mobile. Admittedly it’s only got What’sapp on it as such, as don’t do Instagram etc.

I have a relationship where you don’t need to prove trust, it’s just built into everything.

[NathanDavis]

fortunately... I've never been in a relationship in which the girl ever thought I would be cheating on her, not even with the ex that was a bit too jealous at times, she never implied or said "you might be cheating on me"

I guess, I would just never end in this kind of relationships in the first place, so far, I have not done that

[Nirmroth]

Full access all the time no but be my guest to look over my shoulder when Im surfing or texting, got nothing to hide.

[Aubrey97]

I'm not really understanding the relevance of this slant. You're slant is asking if random friends should have access to your phone, not whether a boyfriend or girlfriend should. It's a totally different scenario with a different answer.

[Aubrey97]

Your* oops

[RebelinSteel]

Okay scenario
You tell your friend something personal via text, WhatsApp, she’s dating, would you be okay her sharing the information with her partner, as in they would have access to your mobile.

[Aubrey97]

That's still not really the same. Handing them my phone makes everything in it available to them. I choose what they know if it's something I am telling them, and I can choose to keep other things private if I am inclined to. You're in like some other scenario where some other couples having access to each other's phone might make my conversation with them accessible but that's still different than either of them having access to MY phone. If I tell my best friend something, I am aware that she might tell her boyfriend and my boyfriend and I would both be ok with that but it's still different than either of them having access to my phone because my phone still has things I didn't tell them.

[RebelinSteel]

The other scenario would be, a member of your family or a close friend shares personal information with you via WhatsApp etc, would they be okay you sharing it with your partner?

[Aubrey97]

Without knowing exactly what kind of personal information you're refering to, that may be difficult to answer. Most things I'd likely just have told him if it was important. If it's something they didn't want any other living soul to know then I'd expect that kind of info to be an in-person conversation knowing that it's so importantly private. No one's phone is Kremlim-level secrecy should it be lost or stolen so I'd think people would use the common sense to say it over the phone or in person if it was so critically private to prevent the possibility

[IslaTheWitch]

I have nothing to hide, but we must be in an official relationship if he wants access my phone

[RebelinSteel]

I think some may miss the update part as the bloody question went early and yeah editing 🤣

So, you have something personal from your family or a friend, you would share that with someone else
Or you tell another person in confidence and you are okay with them sharing it with their boyfriend/girlfriend?

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends on what you mean by having access to my phone... If he wants to read specific chat, I would deny his request because all conversations are private and we literally breathe GDRP in the EU.

if the person on the chat agrees, then I can show him

but contact list, smses, list of apps... he can check to his heart's content

[mandyfire98]

I think that couples shouldn't want to even have access. You need trust in relationships.

[RebelinSteel]

@mandyfire98 that’s my view, mainly as they can’t have access to mine. I have never asked to see a partners mobile or Instagram, Facebook etc.

[mandyfire98]

Yeah you gotta have trust. Insecurity isn't attractive

[RebelinSteel]

I think for some it’s paranoia

[mandyfire98]

Probably

[LaurenM1997]

Yes I got nothing to hide

[LaurenM1997]

That’s another way to earn my trust so I know nothing fishy’s going on

[RebelinSteel]

So, you have something personal from your family or a friend, you would share that with someone else
Or you tell another person in confidence and you are okay with them sharing it with their boyfriend/girlfriend?

[LaurenM1997]

Actually you are right

[LaurenM1997]

No actually I wouldn’t you got a good point

[LaurenM1997]

Sorry

[exitseven]

I say no. There must be trust for a relationship to work. People , even people in relationships need some privacy.

[SotiCoto]

Ultimately personal choice tops all. I don't believe in mandating anything so ridiculous though.

[genericname85]

naw. i think you should not stop being an individual with privacy just cause you get into a relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure. I am guilty of going g though my boyfriend's phone. Not a good idea. Has caused a lot of issues

[Angie03]

Yes if you don’t trust me we shouldn’t be together.

[DrPepper12]

Yeah. Why not? Fine with me...