Should couples keep their phones private from each other?

Question

Is it ok if couples can open each other's phone freely and know each other's passwords?

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I believe very much in privacy, even between couples. Everything you’d wish to “hide” or keep private from a partner isn’t automatically sinister. I think it’s EXTREMELY important for couples to maintain their individuality. Very crucial to eliminate feelings of jealousy or inadequacy from the start, really before you even get into a relationship. You aren’t a bad person for feeling those things, but you are certainly not ready to bring the level of trust needed to a healthy relationship. You have to be prepared to get hurt or screwed over. Life has no guarantees, as much as we want them, especially in that arena of life. So I’m not really a proponent of “open book” relationships, unless that’s what both people are into. I think we get this weird paranoia about infidelity, which of course happens, but I think more often than not, the supposed “offense” is who/what your partner jacks/jills off to, who they like to look at on Instagram, etc. And not for nothing, if someone’s going to cheat, they can be slick and keep the phones out of it, or be good about erasures, etc. I don’t think random phone inspections are going to lead to anything positive, nor an enjoyable relationship. If you’re that suspicious of them, you likely either have issues yourself, or you shouldn’t be rolling the dice on someone on so suspect anyway.

But particularly with dudes…. we’re visual beings, and we like to look at pretty ladies. If this is unacceptable, men are probably not for you, lmao. We can keep our hands and our hearts to ourselves, but asking for our eyes and brains is too much😂 I hear and have a measure of sympathy for the “I don’t look like these girls” insecurities, but you’ve got dudes all wrong if you think that standard is unwavering for a guy faced with the prospect of actual sex. Not for nothing, I’m sure my girl wishes I looked more like Jason Momoa, and I couldn’t be more opposite of him, other than being reasonably fit, but certainly not Momoa-jacked. Or we’ll watch Cobra Kai, and she says “he’s way too young, but when I was younger I would’ve loved him”, about that prettyboy kid on the show. And I’m just like “just say you’d bang that dude under different life circumstances”, you’re just trying to soften it by adding caveats. There’s a couple girls on the show that I’d smash too, just fucking say it. These “kids” are in their fucking 20s for fuck sake. Yeah, in reality, they’d be like “fuck off, old man”😂 but the whole point is that it’s not reality, so just indulge yourself and say what you think, or hear it from your partner and just have a laugh instead of developing a complex and being insecure over it. Of course there are horror stories of infidelity, but that’s been happening for the entire history of attempted monogamy, that’s not a problem of whether or not someone has a smartphone at their disposal.

Best analogy I can give: I play hockey. Always wanted to play, finally started doing it, and I’m head over heels in love with it. My biggest personal fear is paralysis. It doesn’t happen too frequently, but certainly every year or two, just in my state, there will be some hockey accident where someone goes headfirst into the boards, ending up a quadriplegic. That is a possible nightmare that exists within my dream, as infidelity is the nightmare within the dream of love. My options are to do something truly fulfilling, assuming the risk that it *could* cause my entire world to crash down one day; or to abstain, play it safe, never be hurt, but also never be fulfilled. It’s an easy choice for me.

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

There should be NO privacy issues in a marriage. In fact, I would counsel you to use extreme caution when pushing this on the principal. As a male, I will address my comment about men. A red-pilled male will always take privacy demands as a red flag. At some point, this WILL stress the marriage and start a downward spiral that if it is not stopped WILL end with either a divorce or the couple becoming roommates. A friend of mine is in the US Navy and works with classified material almost every day. She can't discuss her job and has to keep her phone secure. Even though she has a special PC keyboard that has a   reader she will not use it when the husband is even in the room. He knows and understands why she must have privacy. I used this as an example for a reason. A privacy demand with no good reason other than a principal is asking for trouble down the road. I highly recommend against doing it. However, in the end, what is right for couple A is not what is right for couple B. I am just telling anybody that's interested that these privacy demands generally don't end well. Caveat emptor!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't because I like to watch XXX, I like to draw XXX. I like to stalk people’s accounts, I like to stalk my best friends and my EXES, I like to stalk HIS exes. I like to research him and even his family and his parents.

I also have many more accounts for conspiracy theories and conspiracy theory videos.

SO NO. I don’t want my number1 man, boyfriend, husband or crush to know all that. 🤬🖕🏼 It’s not their business.

If I used to sell nudes, I also would want them to know it. And if I have an anonymous account. Like the one I’m using now to ask all these questions, I wouldn’t want them to know of it.

If my man’s d! CK sucks, and I want to cheat on him with my BRAD PITT supervisor, I don’t want him to know of it.

DUHHH

If I want my BRAD PITT supervisor to hit it one more time. That’s none of his business.

bubblegunnn · Accepted Answer

Oh no no no dont do that unless u want ur relatioship only lasted 1month..
This is sus if we keep our phones private, each partner will gonna thinking in different ways.. the most negative thought is gonna be 'is she/he cheating on me?' If u dont want this bad thought on ur partner, better dont keep ur phone private tho

Sure u still could give limit to ur partner if u still have a privacy that u won't tell to ur partner, but explain it to them which the private things u won't show, give them explanation about why u want to keep it private and prove them if they are ur the only one, or u could just flash it to them so they are not sus to u..

Guy13 · Answer

No this is a very bad idea. Why... What are you hiding... People are not stupid if you guard or are defensive about your phone.

BlueScorpio · Answer

I have password but my husband doesn't, the only reason I have one is cause people tend to steal stuff at my job. I have nothing to hide, he can use it plus he knows my pin number to my debit card when I don't feel like going out to buy stuff.

Avicenna · Answer

Even within a relationship, there needs to be a private sphere

Finchie40 · Answer

The thing is if you have to hide things from your partner then you are pretty much already a cheater , When a partner is hesitant about another partner using their phone that’s a red flag that they are up to no good, smart phones and social media is 1 of the biggest reasons relationships fail today because so many people are Glued to their phones taking in useless knowledge and they are more Than likely talking to the opposite sex which could lead into drama and add fire in your relationship, Honestly if you love and value your partner you shouldn’t have to keep secrets from them , people that keep secrets are only hurting themselves , If you are that unhappy with someone then leave them because You will never experience true love if you can’t Remove selfishness , You having to hide things on your phone from your partner makes you a selfish person that only thinks about themselves , now if your partner is constantly asking to see your phone then they have issues but once in awhile it shouldn’t be an issue so if my partner wanted my password for my phone I wouldn’t hesitate to give it to her , I would ask why she needed it but still wouldn’t hesitate

shaysh87 · Answer

You can cheat without having the phone number of your mistress. I knew of an old guy at my job who chased me relentlessly for years. The constant compliments of calling me gorgeous , beautiful, bombshell in Spanish. Constantly trying to get me alone in a private room with him. Trying to talk to me all the time. Being upset when he doesn't see me show up at work

He had a stay home girlfriend and a baby daughter. He never asked for my number or intended to date me. He just thought I was hot. Sometimes i just feel so sorry for his girlfriend that she's naive enough to trust a crappy guy like him for her soulmate

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

I've always looked at it... if you feel you need to keep your phone private then you're not invested in the relationship & should get lost so your partner can find a better person.

Notice I said if you **feel** you need to keep your phone private. It's a matter of trust. If you & your partner trust & respect one another there's no reason to keep it private. Because if your partner trusts & respects you... why is she or he looking at your phone?

Only a person with all the intelligence of a wombat wouldn't realize that.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Oh god yes! Phones today are WAY more than just phones, they are like diaries and are incredibly personal. If you wanna see what’s on my phone, you better put two rings on my finger! Even with married couples I believe that while one could see what’s on their partners phone, it’s still an invasion of privacy and is a privilege that must never be abused! Only in the most extreme of circumstances should a person ever look at/search through their partner’s phone. Just because one can do something does not mean one should!

SamIam96 · Answer

This question comes up so often and I find it really troubling.

Are people entitled to privacy? Why would you want your partner's passwords? So you can check up on his Christmas shopping? To see if he's bad mouthing you to his therapist? Do you just want passwords? Why does he take 20 minutes to poop? Maybe you should sit next to him. Do you review his electronic tollbooth payments? Hmmm, was it bad traffic or a hookup?

If your relationship is shaky enough that you want to verify his activities, maybe you should find someone you can trust. Or, figure out why you don't trust anyone.

Lliam · Answer

Nah. I don't even have a lock on my phone. I know my wife's password for emergencies. But neither of us ever looks at each other's phones. We have no desire.

Here's the thing, though. If I ever thought my wife was checking up on me by snooping through my phone, my trust would be broken.

People shouldn't be spying on each other and going through each other's personal stuff. It shows insecurity, disrespect, dishonesty, and distrust. And relationships are built on trust.

Here's another thing. I would never give a girlfriend full access to my devices because they contain financial and personal information, accounts, passwords, etc. that no one but I should have access to. A spouse is a different story.

Rkbleezy · Answer

I think it should be okay to allow someone to be able to have your password and go through your phone. But there has to be some respectful boundary because everyone likes to have their privacy. For instance not just sneaking in the room to check his/her phone. But maybe while your relaxing together just asking if you can go through it real quick. You would still have considerable chances to find something if there was something, while also not feeling like your partner is just mistrusting you. I'm sure others may have different boundaries, but that seems like the only important one too me. After-all, communication and respect is the foundation of any type of relationship.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

I want to be able to ask for my girlfriend's phone once in a while. ESPECIALLY if she does something that it feels suspicious. Tbh, I feel like it's a must but at the same time, I wouldn't be so confident to break up with a girl because she didn't gave me her phone cause I can understand the whole privacy thing. That's one of the things that worry me in a relationship...

Of course, I would give mine as well. And keep in mind, I don't think that knowing the password and looking it without their permission is ok. But asking is pretty fine in my eyes. I don't have something to hide in the end of the day.

bayoubob · Answer

Absolutely yes. It's no different than it being a Federal Crime to open up someone else's snail mail. You aren't supposed to pry in diaries. In the 1500's and beyond to what? Current day? They had a wax seal. The inquisitive assholes found a way to unseal it then reseal it. If you are a true human being, the seal of an envelope via spit is the almighty when it comes to benefit of a doubt. Just like FDR wasn't supposed to run three times, much less 4 times, it's called an HONOR system. He was the Greatest yet he was a true Dictator.

es20490446e · Answer

Sharing your phone access with your fiance is a very bad idea because:

1. It gives them access to everything digital about you, including your money. Even if you trust them it can be dangerous for them, because now they can be targeted by a malicious person to get access to that. It's a big responsibility.

2. Even if you don't care about them reading your messages, that doesn't mean it's the same for the people sending messages to you. They also have the right to talk to you privately if they wish to.

admles · Answer

My fiance knows my phone PIN, but that's it.

She doesn't go through my phone, and she knows I am firmly against snooping.

I would never go through hers either, if I had to know about something, I'd ask her.

"going through" someone's phone means you are literally looking for something to be upset about.

Privacy exists, even in relationships.

I have private conversations with my friends, and they know that only I am reading our conversations, so they can talk freely to me.

anonanonanonomys · Answer

I don't really feel the need to check my boyfriends phone. We're both very loyal and I'd be uncomfortable sharing my phone. Not out of guilt I just feel like my phone is an extention of my brain. I Google the wackiest things out of curiosity. I don't feel like explaining why I Googled conciousness of earthworms lmao.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

I honestly don't see a reason why you need complete access to someone else's phone. If it's an emergency, and for some ridiculous reason you don't have yours, you can still call 911 when it asks for the pass code. But can you give me a good reason, outside of verifying that the person has done something wrong, that you need to look at their stuff? If you absolutely NEED to have access to your SO's phone, you might want to work on trusting people more.

Beatrix7 · Answer

no absolutley not thats why i found my ex was cheating on me not letting it sit next to me when he went out his room he took it everywhere yet i wasent shy i let him lok through mine when he wanted to even without my permission cause he was my boyfriend thats a sign ure lover is hiding something look it up he slepped with it under his pillow at night sleeping at night its absolutley not allowed 100%

Red-Blaze · Answer

There should be no reason to here or here
Will be good to know the password in case need to do a call from outy
her phone or something, but over all it should not really matter as there should just be real trust between
It should only be needed for convince not for "keeping trust" as if its to "keep trust" there is no trust to begin with

Price511 · Answer

If they are able to be that way, more power to them I suppose.

But everybody is entitled to a right to privacy, love or not. We all have our own things in our phones that we’d like to keep private and separated from each other’s lives. Even if we have nothing to hide, we still put locks on our doors, have documents in safes, and have passwords on our phones, because we like that privacy, and that isn’t a bad thing to desire.

petitedollbabee · Answer

That’s up to the couple to decide. I feel secure in my relationship and trust my partner, so I feel no need to go looking through his phone, I consider that a breach of privacy. Just the same as he feels no need to look through mine. However if he asked, I’d let him look through. But without asking, I don’t think there’s any need to do so.

DribbleGodCurt · Answer

Bad idea only bc it usually indicates that they are hiding something also, if you offer to give your password it indicates trust, bc if you're willing to give your passwords to the person you love but not check their phone that is trust and loyalty in my opinion and that's what goes really far in a relationship.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Assuming having sex, being naked, taking a shower while the other is sitting on the toilet taking a shit is all cool, you know! All that is not considered as ''PRIVATE'' but if your partner ''sneak'' in your phone, everyone losses their mind because? PRIVACY 🤣🤣🤣. Just my opinion, i am just a human that has nothing against my partner taking a peak at/in my phone.

LazerBean · Answer

Spouses should not have any secrets from each other. Sometimes a job requires stuff like that, and that is something different, but on a personal level there should not be any secrets. During the dating stage, there needs to be discussions about privacy expectations and a transition into those expectations to make sure both parties are, in fact, okay with how that works out.

Miggy93 · Answer

Absolutely not. I think it’s ridiculous this is even a question. If you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing in a relationship then you should never ever have a reason to hide your phone from your partner. If you’re worried about your significant other seeing stuff on your phone I think that means you need to reevaluate your own decisions and also need to consider why you’re in a committed relationship. Only reason anyone is ever worried over it is cause they don’t want the other person seeing who they’re hiding in there DM’s/Snapchat whatever. The root cause of this problem is people not being able to be faithful. And if you’re someone like that then don’t get into a committed relationship.

MrWolf · Answer

So many couples are ruined because of this especially latley.

I'd rather not have any secrets like this especially if I'm dating someone yet I'd perfer the privacy while still being honest.

I don't like people poking where it ain't their business yet a trust is all we need.

Still the latest tendency is one is open and honest while the other is doing something behind their back and after they get found, then comes the trouble.

trulyanattentionhog · Answer

I don’t think you should have a problem with looking at your partners phone, like with me I let my fiancé use my phone whenever he wants and he lets me use his, and I have nothing to hide from him, he’s like my best friend so I tell him everything anyways

20yearsolder · Answer

If you trust each other then you shouldn't have the need to be in your partner's phone. I keep my phone locked. I have nothing to hide. I just see it as a personal space that belongs to me.

Coyote12 · Answer

Whenever I'm in a relationship I tell my girlfriend my passcode to open my phone. If they have doubts about anything I will give them my phone at anytime. If it means it gives them reassurance then so be it. I got nothing to hide. Only reason why I have a passcode is because if someone steals my phone I don't want them to know any info.

John_Doesnt · Answer

The girls who grew up with Twilight have been conditioned to believe that "love" means keeping tabs on each other 24/7. I think it's sad that women are so needy that they have to look at everything their boyfriend does. It's especially sad when men do it because it means they're insecure and think all women are cheating on them.

Anonymous · Answer

You don’t have your intestines connected with your husband or boyfriend. So privacy is needed not only with your phones but with so many other things an example also having a secret bank account that only you knows it exist for worst days like him leaving you for Suzy.

Anonymous · Answer

No. You shouldn't be looking at your partner's phone all the time, but it's important for partners to be able to look at one another's phones whenever they want. It's a major sign that you trust one another and aren't keeping secrets from each other

Anonymous · Answer

Why ask the actual question in such an indirect fashion?
The question is whether people in a "couple" shall be free to hide things from each other.

The answer for me is: both Yes and No are fine, as long as the choice is declared by both parties.

hafinjun · Answer

Sure why not , they should also be closed off and withdrawn about any form of communication.(kidding)
Why , if your a couple, would you need to keep your phone out of enemy hands, to me that seems like building in suspicion and tension into your realationship.

Mangospacho · Answer

I only know my wife’s phone password so I can keep her phone backed up with all the photos of the kids. She doesn’t like doing all the tech stuff so I do it for her. Also she would never update her phone and I was worried she would lose all her data to malware. Other than that I’m not worried about what she does on her phone.

bolverk · Answer

I've never had that problem my phones have never been locked, both personal and business as there is no personal information on them I never use them as storage, if an SO had their phone locked the relationship would never get to be really serious.

Pudsmucker · Answer

I have nothing to hide. It is good that if your phone is the main source of internet. And you have insurances or other financial obligations to come to your email is good that you're spouse should have access to it. In case you fall ill and cannot access those financial responsibilities.

Anonymous · Answer

My question is what do they want kept private so badly? All I don't want my boyfriend seeing is I have looked up HIS exs from time to time. I don't know I just feel weird about him knowing I look at their pages. I read people saying money and stuff okay sure but if your married it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

OddBeMe · Answer

Ehh. Being married 15 years I can say it’s healthier to let each other have space and privacy. But that needs trust.

Some people like to troll their old dating profiles on tinder living vicariously. Chat with some people there. I don’t really feel that’s wrong unless your intent is cheating. Again, it takes a lot of trust. My wife and I have exponential trust. Not sure why. We fight like cats.

sheikalana · Answer

I don't agree with couples allowing each other to sneak into each other phones whenever they want. There's something called privacy that we're all intitled to even when we're in a relationship and share the same space with them.

SnowedIn · Answer

You ask two different questions. Yes, their phones are a private place. No checking. Checking actually wears down trust. Should they know how to open and access? Yes. That's also part of the trust.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Other couples keep their phones private from each other and I respect that.  However, my husband & I don't hide anything from each other.

Kabluie · Answer

There is no reason to do so. People are allowed dignity to their own privacy, what if they are talking to friends/family about a gift or a vacation for you, or maybe wanting to know more things on their own time. Not everything is nefarious.

Wish4UrB00ty · Answer

I think they should still ask for permission to use each others phones but it if they don’t want you on their phone then there is something in there that they don’t want you to see.

AnUglyBarnacle · Answer

Partners should be able to request a "phone check" at any time if asked, the only exception being if the other party is planning a surprise or a gift.

pewter_moon · Answer

Do you trust them? I never have a problem trusting them. And I’ve nothing to hide either. It’s not even something I think about.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

I do not like it at all. At least some degree of privacy must be there in a relationship or marriage.

Looksnicholas · Answer

I would if I had a partner and hopefully she'd also feel the same that, phones are kept private.

melanieeeB · Answer

Uhm privacy should be respected and you shouldn't just freely use their phone but it's also a bas sign if someone is constantly hiding their phone...

RavVid · Answer

I did think so until a girl used my phone to send an abusive text outwardly from me. Not so trusting now.

Bricealan · Answer

Yes, absolutely. I sent some penis pictures to my cousin on her cell, AND her husband had access to them and made a HUGE STINK over it.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Should couples not trust each other, sure sounds healthy to the relationship.

elizamichale1 · Answer

I believe they shouldn't always be digging into each others phones but also i dont believe in keeping it locked from each other

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Not an issue if both sides are comfortable with it. Everyone needs privacy even from their partners though.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

If you both feel it necessary to snoop on one another, there is a problem somewhere in that relationship. Trust equally means you trust them enough to allow for mutual space.

aaron210419 · Answer

I don't think you should intentionally hide your phone from each other, but there should be enough trust to not to ever have to go through each other's phones unless asked by your partner.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Yes and no. transparency and privacy go hand in hand in a relationship. However, if you intend to have access to your significant others phone on a regular basis, you need to stay single.

nawtee_me · Answer

The real question here is, “should couples trust one another?” If you trust your partner/SO then why would you need to look in the phones?

Lack of trust is the issue…. If you can not trust them then you shouldn’t be with them. Period….

Hallix26 · Answer

A couple that strives to be suspicious and to know everything isn't a good couple. It shouldn't be forced out of distrust, but generally I don't think they should be completely hands off automatically either.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Everyone needs some privacy. You have to trust the person you’re dating.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

The partners would have free access to each other's phones, in an ideal world. But that's not always practical.

Should couples keep their phones private from each other?

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