Should couples have access to each other's phones?

Question

I'd like to see your opinions and the dynamics of your relationship..

bobalife · Accepted Answer

This has always been a controversial, I don’t think it is quite easy for most as it’s not very black and white. Some may feel like it is invading their rights to their privacy. Others may be more open to their person having access to their phones.
I believe it is healthy that everyone has their own space in whatever that may look like including your mobile. Personally I was always open in the past to have my old partners to looked at my mobile if they like, but they actually never touched it. I think it was more so they have watched what I do or who am I talking to on my phone. Of course, I have nothing to hide and want to build on trust and an open space. So, I do talk about it without a doubt and welcome it than be defensive and weirded. I think I would only feel weirded out depending on the approach. It was the same thing for my previous partners. I think our intention was to build openness, trust, and reassurance in that way. There is also a comfort where it is just comes out naturally. I can see how it can become a trust issue by how someone may respond and if it is excessively. Though I also do find it weird if your partner tries to hide their mobile while you are next to them, it is sus if there’s nothing to worry. I think everyone will react to this differently. I have friends who are opened about it with their partners and they’re still in healthy, happy marriages/relationships today. I also think it is okay to take a peek if you are sus that you may be experiencing being cheated on and most of the time that gut feeling happened to be right.

jazzyjic78 · Accepted Answer

If they agree to that it's ok, relationship's should be based off of trust and searching your partners phone means you don't trust them. You should always be confident, sure, and real within yourself & honest with your mate

I don't believe in that because if you look for trouble you'll find it, accusing someone of something makes them go do it. Going through your partners phone open the door of him knowing your insecurities. I think it makes some guys laugh like oh she's jealous, insecure, and intimidated by another woman.

And calling another woman by phone, in da streets, in any form let's her know if she's a real woman that she has the upper hand and your not doing your part so it makes it easier for her to take over, take your Man completely. I speak from experience, when another woman called me asking why is your #in my Man's phone?

I took pride and joy in that conversation and experience because it told me I'm on his mind and she knows someone is taking him away from her, she feels distance, meaning I hold his heart but she has his body and mind. And the mind plays tricks on you but the heart belongs to God and cannot lie!

Trust your partner or set some boundaries to having an open relationship.

snowboarder720 · Accepted Answer

My wife and I know each others passwords to our phones.
It wasn’t because I asked or anything. I actually fix phones on the side (repair screens, replacing the battery, swapping motherboards, etc) and constantly updating my wife phone because the auto update sometimes needs her permission to do it first. So basically I’m the tech specialist for my wife and the rest of her family. I have a bachelor’s in electrical engineering too. It’s literally my passion and because people know I have an engineering degree they suddenly think I know everything about phones (I really don’t). I also hid this passion as much as possible because when you fix one thing for someone they suddenly want me to have a look at their car and shit. Everyone thinks I’m just their free handy man. Haha it can be a real struggle.
Anyway I gave my phone’s password to my wife so that she’s able to send texts to my family or friends while I’m driving and checking my notifications.

I before I got married I was taking these free online courses to develop apps. I thought it would be way dope to code some of that stuff and be an app developer on the side. That’s literally a whole different career of its own that takes waaaay too much time. More than I have to sacrifice.

Advise to any single guys, learn to repair phones. Soooo many single women need their phone screens replaced that it’s not even funny. Easy way to strike up a conversation that can lead up to getting their number.

Blueeyes81 · Accepted Answer

If it's a requirement that you see my phone it is a red flag.

If you go out of your way to hide your activity that is a red flag.

I want neither person in my life.

For me I don't really care if they have access to my phone. I do care if they want access because they have trust issues. They shit is annoying and they will never be happy unless they can constantly check up on you. Fuck that. I'm not a child. I'd say most healthy adults don't have an issue with it and they also don't abuse it because of insecurities.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic debate of sharing or not sharing phone access in relationships! It’s akin to sharing the last slice of pizza—some do it out of love, while others can't bear the thought. In my cozy corner with my significant other, we've sailed through the sea of trust, where giving each other access to our phones isn't really about the permission itself but about transparency and trust.

From observing the tides in many relationships, the key here is not the act of sharing passwords or phone access but what it signifies. If it's about control or lack of trust, it’s like a red flag flying high on a stormy day. If it’s born from an understanding and mutual respect, where privacy is still valued but transparency is welcomed, it’s like lovebombing each other with trust.

So, in the grand scheme of love and trust, my take is: share not because you have to, but because you want to, ensuring it feels right for both. After all, a relationship nurtured on respect and trust is like a well-aged wine, only getting better with time. 🍷💑

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

When I was in a relationship I have often thought If something were to happen to me, I’d like my then partner to be able to get ahold of my phone and he was the person I trusted wholeheartedly and had nothing to hide from.

So… I kind of thought he was my closest person in the world and because of that, I trusted him with my phone even though he has never asked.

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

I did when I was married, and so did he. It was more a case of "if something happens to one of us" than a lack of trust. We would share phones, but that's different than snooping around. Snooping around a SO's phone without reasonable concern screams "insecure".

I find it interesting when people are sensitive about sharing the information; like, why are they so against letting someone who they are married to (or serious about/engaged to) see what they're doing? If it's a privacy concern with a work-related thing (i. e. a patient or a client) or a surprise, that makes sense. I see it like this:

Private : A specifically designated space for a clearly communicated reason. I. e., Work phone, for legal reasons.

Secret : A general no-go zone with a vague explanation, which generates hypersensitivity and anger without apparent cause.

I think it's one of those things where it should be an available permission, but a respected one. Like sharing each other's cars.

Just my perspective.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Yes should be open but not perused so much. Trust, but verify. Provide security so it isn't a problem... by talking opening about how you are engagin with others.

You need to anyways. How about all those passwords, log in accounts, bank accounts, financials, debts, car registrations, the house deed, etc.. something happens to the other and you need to take over... whom do you communicate with. It's a total mess and you gotta have their password to sort through stuff. Welcome to the intertwined world.

I know people that live separate lives and don't know how they do it. when a problem occurs seems to me it will be a mess with much lost.

RebelinSteel · Answer

Nope, that would for a lot of people (those working) break their companies security policies.
for my mobile, only I have access to it and no one else.

Also for some of my WhatsApp groups, messages, the other person sending them would be pissed off with me sharing their private information with someone else. Even when in a relationship you still have personal stuff with friends as private,

trying to put in explanations about what they can and cannot read would be crazy and also wrongly cause a level of mistrust.

HaleyWalker · Answer

I question this only for one reason I was watching something before school one time and then handed it to my friend and forgot to close the screen my phone got thrown back at me. Lol it depends if that happens again my phone is not meant to fly through the air. The joys of being bisexual and then your friend finds out that way. 💀

If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't care then like go for it my phone is very empty. Lol

Should couples have access to each other's phones?

Friendlybro79 · Answer

When in a relationship if she asks to look something up on my phone because she doesn't have hers... I'll give you my PW go for it.

I would expect that my SO can be trusted to have access to my stuff without snooping in my messages. Even though I don't have anything to hide, reading my messages means you don't trust me and I don't like being treated like an untrustworthy person.

If you question my loyalty or honesty, and demand to see my phone, you can see it but you will also be seeing the door right afterwards.

Altheavas · Answer

If there’s trust and honesty between us I don’t care. You can answer it, even reply to my textes; I just want to be able to do the same. That’s my personal phone, if there’s a work phone and there’s strict confidentiality I’m gonna have to abide by that rule, for the security of all of us/my family.

Aubrey97 · Answer

I don't have a passcode on mine. He can look through it whenever. He has one but I know it. We both use each other's all the time. If you have nothing to hide, it's never an issue. I'd assume anyone who wouldn't let me see it knew they were doing something inappropriate.

Mr_twoface · Answer

Me and the Mrs have full access to each other’s phone and social media accounts. We’ve borrowed each other’s phone to google, take pictures or browse social media but that’s been it.

If your partner is the one you claim to love tremendously, you should have access to each other’s phones, content and social media platforms.

360Grrlz · Answer

I lean more on the "trust first" side of things, so I generally do not ask to see a phone and I don't like being "back pressured" by people who wave their phones around like its a piece of bitcoin or their latest virtual signaling flare. Anybody can have a burn phone on the side and if you carry a "clean phone" to impress with, well, that's your choice. I'm not a player either, but if you want proof perhaps I'll let you look at my latest squeeky report from the doc, lol. Privacy <> secrets. No one reads my diary, and I write notes to myself on my phone. No ones business but mine, and if you need to see what I write about you in my diary, ask me again on your birthday and I'll drop you a bit there...

DizzyDesii · Answer

I won’t ask for his if he doesn’t ask for mine. But the way he looks over at my phone to see what im doing, im pretty sure he’ll eventually ask for it. I have a pretty bad habit of turning it away like “dang why you all up on me” but its usually cause im gossiping/fangirling with the girls. Its certainly not doing anything with another guy, but i gotta try to stop turning away as to not make him paranoid. And he has to stop leaning all on me unless i tell him “hey babe look at this”

jshm2 · Answer

Don't be stupid. You are still individuals. You don't magically become some "hybrid" because you became a couple.

Sure there needs to be love and trust. But too often it's those without love and cannot be trusted that will demand access, while refusing access to their own.

Hence why the advice I always give is simple: When you do not have the level of love and trust now, that you had in the first week of the relationship; it's pretty much over.

diversethought · Answer

Depends on your careers and the understanding/place in your relationship. Career, like getting confidential work related messaged. Other than that, read away. I must warn you, you maybe offended by my messages and it may challenge your trust. Not that I'm cheating or plan too. Just because my friends and family say crazy shit at times, or may bring up a part of my past I forgot to mention.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I think that's a tough one...

On one hand I can definitely see wanting your privacy on both sides but at the same time I have nothing to hide and would hope she doesn't.

I think once you're married yes you should have access but even before then having some access on both ends shows trust

elizamichale1 · Answer

My partner has all the access and I have access to his phone but I can't remember the last time when either of us checked the other's phone...

We have just picked up n used one another's phone to make call but never to spy on checking shit...

rosemilk · Answer

not sure why i'd need it. obviously i have his passcode because sometimes he hands me his phone to look something up while he's busy. but i don't just take it and look through all of his stuff at my own will. no need to

EmmaMary · Answer

Except for my husband's business phone and my works phone, we have full access to each others private phones.

NathanDavis · Answer

trust is a must...  I'd have nothing to hide though

Nikki1989 · Answer

My husband and I share each other's phones all the time, but then again, we both have nothing to hide.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I think it all depends on the couple. I think if you trust each other enough than you might not need to check each other's phones. Unless you have it as a rule that you both want to follow and allow, then it is ok.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

If you need it because your battery is dead or the software is updating, no problem. If you’re snooping because you have trust issues, no bueno, chica.
A relationship lacking in trust is doomed anyway. Might as well hang it up and move on.

ThaMaskedMarvel · Answer

Yes, they should have access, but if they see that it's an insecurity/nosy thing, they should break up with the person. That's not healthy, shouldn't be tolerated & really, the relationship is already doomed to fail.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I don't require any access to his phone. I can give him a pin to mine if he needs it... but I would like to know why... I have nothing to hide... but I base my relationship on trust

Anonymous · Answer

When I happened to be in a relationship I had two phones , one personal which I never locked as it had no personal information on it, and the other one was a work phone that had a two level password encryption. the girlfriend was always wanting to know what was on the work phone but paid no attention to my other phone.

I never wanted to look at the girlfriend's phone.

JacobJordan · Answer

Only reason not to is if you have something to hide or have sensitive information on it. My phone has sensitive information and even then my wife has access she just knows not to access certain parts otherwise we have legal trouble

slatyb · Answer

No, they should not. I wouldn't be with someone I didn't trust, and I wouldn't be with someone who didn't trust me. People who don't cheat assume that their partners won't either.

Unit1 · Answer

This lady here says it all for me. Too long, didn't watch version: No - at least not for me.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

I believe they should if they are committed to each other and have the decency to also respect each other’s privacy as well

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I'd prefer she not even have one! If nothing else, it'd prove to me that she's not a slave or knows that those things are nothing more than cancer causing tracking devices.

77five · Answer

Only with permission. You shouldn't know eachother’s passcode’s. Being in a relationship shouldn't mean all privacy is lost.

LazerBean · Answer

If they are committed or planning on being committed (meaning permanently together) then everything should be shared.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

He knows my password but he doesn’t look through my phone because we have a healthy trusting relationship

sheikalana · Answer

Not at all. Just because we're married that doesn't mean we're not entitled to out own privacy.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

No problem there. I can always get me a second phone :) With other words: a pointless suggestion in both directions, heh heh.

Juxtapose · Answer

I have private conversations with friends where they detail how they got raped and all kinds of other horrific things. I am not sure my phone without watching you like a goddamn hawk.

Yoursweetgirl · Answer

No wtf it's private Not that I'm hiding smth but knowing he can check the phone any time would drive me crazy

DrPepper12 · Answer

Sure. Why not? We have had disputes over location tracking which I'm against. That's something for a child.

Knightwatch27 · Answer

A couple should be healthy enough not to have to make a point of that, but generally be open about things in general, what's on their phones and such.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I personally don't care to be checking up on her phone when in a relationship.  If she wants to use my phone then fine, but I don't care to use her.

dudeinohio · Answer

We both know each other's passwords. She is diabetic and I need access to her blood sugar readings in an emergency.

Booklover_90 · Answer

I will  never  spy on a grown man. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Plus, stuff always come out anyway.

Luopio27 · Answer

Hell to the No. If the relationship os on constant survailance, it is not based on trust.

LiamJHayden · Answer

To me that seems like a lack of trust. If I am at that point, I've already ended it.

thisAppIsGarbage · Answer

Couples shouldn't have phones. Or tvs. Or computers. That's why couples don't last.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

If they are in a committed relationship, sure.

Secret6620 · Answer

Absolutely! No secrets 🙊🌹🙃

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Sure, why not? What are you afraid of?

Daniela1982 · Answer

No! If you want that get a party line.

The_Sexpert · Answer

Yes, why hesistate if you have nothing to hide?

Jennz6 · Answer

Sure, nothing to hide

SotiCoto · Answer

No. Hell no. Obviously. Why even ask?

Alex-Snow · Answer

I would have no issues... I have nothing to hide

msc545 · Answer

Absolutely not. There is no reason for this.

CubaPirate · Answer

I've got nothing to hide

mickeysmonkey · Answer

Only for an emergency

shortster · Answer

Nope

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Fuck no.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Nope

Whitedog1 · Answer

Yes; No secrets.

stvigor · Answer

Hell nah

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