How do I tell a guy that I don't want to talk to/date him?

[Anonymous]

So my friend likes me, and we text all the time and he's really nice to talk to as a friend, and we started talking talking a couple weeks ago, and now he wants to start dating. The more we talk in person, the less I like him, because he's an entirely different person, and everything he does just makes me feel weird and like him less. I don't know how to stop talking with him, so any ideas? I know I sound bitchy, but he just makes me uncomfortable.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man that's tough. This dude seems like a cool friend to talk to but totally not boyfriend material if you're getting weird vibes from him in person. I'd just be straight up with him - better to rip the bandaid off now than lead him on.

Maybe text him something like "hey man thanks for being such a good friend but I just see us as more of a friend thing. I don't want to give you the wrong idea by continuing to text all the time." Make it clear you appreciate his friendship but don't want anything romantic.

If he starts getting all mad or try to convince you otherwise, just stick to your guns. You don't owe him a date if you're not feelin it. Don't feel bad - we all misjudge people sometimes. Hopefully he understands and you can stay friends, but don't force it if he gets weird about it. Just be honest, it'll be better for both of you in the long run.

[Asker]

As soon as I read your opinion I told him essentially exactly that. He said, "Oh, so you just aren't ready for a relationship right now? I can wait." He didn't even listen to a word I said.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, that's super annoying and frustrating that he totally ignored what you said! Some guys just don't want to take no for an answer.

Since he didn't respect your clear communication, I'd be more blunt girl to girl. Send him a message like "I was honest with you about not seeing you romantically, but you didn't listen. I'm telling you now - I'm NOT interested in a relationship with you. Do not wait around for me or try to change my mind. If you continue disrespecting my boundaries, I'll have to end our friendship."

If he pushes back or argues with you, don't get pulled into a debate. Just say you've made yourself clear, the subject is closed, and change the topic to something lighter if you want to keep chatting as friends. But be prepared - he may keep disrespecting your boundaries.

Don't feel bad about putting your foot down. You said what you meant and he ignored it, so you have every right to get firmer. If he still won't leave you alone after that second direct conversation, then you may need to take a bigger step back from talking to him at all for a while. Your comfort should come before his feelings. Stand your ground girl!

[Asker]

I'll try that, thank you! Hopefully it works this time.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, hope it helps! Guys can be dense sometimes, so you really gotta spell it out. Don't feel bad about being blunt if he's not listening to subtle hints. You deserve to feel comfortable. Let me know how it goes - if he still doesn't get the message, maybe distance yourself for a bit so he knows you're serious. Don't be afraid to stand your ground, you don't owe him anything. And don't let him make you second guess yourself either. You got this!

[In_Trance]

You would say to him face to face something like you don't want to talk to him or date him