My guy friend doesn’t want me to date, because he thinks I’ll be hurt - What to do?

[Anonymous]

My guy friend tells me.

“ A lot of men are players and you might get hurt, your heart needs protection. I know what men are like, because I am one - I don’t want that for you. People lie all the time.”

Updates

2 mo

Chill, guys. He has a girlfriend. It’s my coworker I have been friends with, he just left China. We are just friends and he’s a very good friend.

His girlfriend was jealous of me at some point, but we made it clear that there’s nothing to be jealous, he is happy with her and I am happy by myself.

[imtiaz45]

It's essential to communicate openly with your friend about your feelings and intentions. Express gratitude for their concern while asserting your autonomy in making decisions about your personal life. Assure them that you'll approach dating cautiously and value their support regardless of the outcome. Encourage them to share their specific concerns so you can address them together. Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being while respecting your friend's perspective. It's natural for friends to worry, but maintaining honesty and understanding can help navigate this situation and strengthen your friendship.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OCR1mjlOPAw

[Mr_twoface]

Isn't being hurt part of the journey to find your true partner? I feel going through that roller coaster of dating people, when you are totally excited and have butterflies to being in tears and sad, is necessary for any human being to have experienced because life in general is not all happy, awesome, moments! You need to be able to learn from your moments, both the good and bad, to overcome the next date and ups and downs in any relationship down the line.

As for your guy friend, he surely loves you, ways more than he expresses himself and hence is becoming this overprotecting friend. Something I used to do to a female friend of mine.

[sheikalana]

I understand what your friend is trying to say but you're 27 no one should have a say and what you should or shouldn't do in your life. If you read in between the lines he's trying to tell you to choose wisely and carefully do not fall for any guy who talks sweet to you.

[7Phoenix7]

I have a close guy friend but he didn't discourage me to date out of fear of me getting hurt. He does offer support and advice from a caring/ loving place in his heart. Seems like your friend doesn't want you to date because he wants you to himself lol

[coachTanthony]

You sure he's a friend and not some beta male who is secretly in love with you selling you a bunch of horseshit?

[Med_guy1978]

That will be it.

[Summeroflove]

Not all men are like that. But he can’t control you. Hell maybe he even is into you and jealous. There is also a lot of bad women out there too. It goes both ways. There is good and bad in both sexes.

[Finchie40]

If he is so concerned about you , why doesn’t he date you instead?

[MrQun]

Are you asking on how to deal with your overprotective friend?

Or are you asking on how to prevent getting with sleazy men and f@ckboys?

If it's the former, then I suggest that you sit him down and tell him that you are a fully grown woman who can make her own decisions. Tell him that your love life is none of his business and that he should only give his opinion if you ask for it. If he is a true friend as you claim, then he'll understand.

If it's the latter, then make your intentions with the man you are seeing early on. Maybe tell them that sex is off the table until you are comfortable. If he asks you, how long will that be, then run. Basically, state your intentions, have rules and boundaries and stick to them.

[DJB72]

If he's single you may want to consider that he may want to date you but doesn't know how to say it because he's in the "friend" zone - the place potential life partners go to die...

So go out for a drink with him and see what happens.

If he's in a relationship that's more of an issue.

The biggest issue is that he's right. Guys can be jerks in a group. I'm 52 in a month and my "peers" in a group are people I avoid. Especially when it's sports related.

[Levin]

Guy shouldn't judge men by his own standards or his own deep-seated wounds.

But yes, getting hurt is part of the process of relationship. ie they always break down. As long as the start and middle is good, then it's all good.

We should also say, to give back a little responsibility. Women often make poor dating choices and ignore red flags. The red flags are often glaring. Women need to take some responsibility in the process of their own getting hurt.

[BearKitty]

"I don't want to be constantly lonely, I don't want that for me. When it comes to me and my desires, what I want will always come first and if I'm willing to risk my heart then that is up to me. You say people lie all the time, but it feels like your lying to me about men to keep me to yourself."

He seems controlling.

[Joshydavid25]

Oh, Lord..

[Asker]

lol what?

[Joshydavid25]

He must as well have just said "I love you baby, you don't need those other guys, we belong together".. Super Simpy.. Lmao..

[Joshydavid25]

His girlfriend was jealous for a reason, maybe not because you did anything but because of him.. Him saying he doesn't want you to date is just weird.. And then the whole statement doesn't scream "I just wanna protect my friend".. Honestly I myself wouldn't be so close with another woman that my girlfriend is jealous..

[Asker]

What reason could that be?

He told me she was just jealous because she said “Who’s that hot girl you hang out with?”

[Joshydavid25]

Well first that he's hanging out with you in the first place. That fact that he does it without her is would get anybody jealous. He may do other things too..

For me? Nah, any woman friend I have is now my girlfriends friend as well.. Especially if she's deemed as attractive.. I wouldn't hang with her alone, not to mention say "I don't want you to date" or "I don't want that for you".. Let me ask you, would you say anything like that to him? Is that a common thing in Georgia?

[Asker]

That’s not… I never said I’d have a friend like that if I was in a relationship…

[Asker]

I blocked a very close friend of mine who had a crush on me and asked me to be his girlfriend when he heard I started dating my ex, because my ex was jealous about him and for me my relationship was higher of a priority than any guy friends I had.

[Asker]

I had a gay best friend, my ex admired that guy, he often bought him coffee along with me. And sometimes sent him lunch too.

I think he was secure in the fact that he knew my best friend was gay.

[Asker]

We even had a candle lit dinner on 14th February before he left. But we both know the boundaries. I think his girlfriend should not be jealous about me, because her man was in safe hands, I am literally one of the very few girls, who men will have to almost kill a dragon to sleep with.

There was no way, I’d sleep with somebody else’s boyfriend.

And there’s no way I “steal” somebody else’s man.

That’s not even a girl code.

That’s a common sense that what can be stolen from someone else, can be stolen from you too.

[Joshydavid25]

Of course, but it's not about that LF.. It's about the principle.. I never alluded to you cheating with him.. I was just saying that maybe she has a bit of a right to be jealous.. It's more about him than you.. You say he's happy with his girl, but I don't think you can really speak for him.. Now he could be very much happy, but still the whole statement is just a little weird.. But you never answered my question.. Would you say the same thing to him?

[Asker]

I would not say the same thing to him.

[Joshydavid25]

[Asker]

How is that my fault though lol

[Joshydavid25]

No no I'm not saying it's your fault at all LF.. 😂.. Like I mentioned, it's more to do with him than you.. You didn't do anything that we know of.

[Asker]

I didn’t honestly do anything, just be myself…

I was the same way with my gay best friend.

[Joshydavid25]

Alright LF, try not to look too guilty now.. Hahaha.. Really though at the end of the day, what your friend said was a bit weird, and a bit cringe too.. I could see if your father said that or even your ex, not your friend though..

[Ms_Facesitter]

He is generalizing. My man hasn't hurt me yet. He's honest. Be careful with who you date, don't jump into a relationship. Don't be blinded by just love and you'll be fine.

[moneymagnet24]

Word's 🔥

[ThisDudeHere]

So what are you to do? Remain alone for the rest of your life? Dating, like basically any endeavor, such as simply going outside, is a risk. Our entire lives are just one contiguous string of risk-taking.

[Inbox]

Yeah, it's clear that her guy friend likes her - he's just not manning up and just asking her out SMH

[tremendousfern]

Like @coachTanthony said what he really means is that he doesn't want you to date anybody but him, but he's too much of a beta simp to just come out and ask you.

[IslaTheWitch]

nothing. He has the right to his opinion. You have the right to live your life and make your own mistakes.

[spartan55]

He has it backwards. Doesn't he know your username?

[Asker]

He knows me in real life.

[Sameone]

I think he like you. And he want to date you or something

So it's your life try to be clear whit him about your relationship with him

And never give up be like me if i broukup today i start dating after tomorrow 😅

[TommyMountainFigure]

That sounds like a weird request to be honest. He might be a man but there are almost 4 billion of us on the planet. We can't ALL be like him!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Update:-
I don't think I made my point correctly. By assuming you will get hurt by dating, he is saying all men are louts that are going to treat you badly. I for one don't treat women badly, and I'm sure there are plenty of others here too that would ALSO disagree with him.

[blueonblack22]

He’s just not attracted to you but is thinking of the kindest bs excuse possible to not say that.

[Med_guy1978]

Not all men are players. A thief things everyone steals, a liar thinks everyone lies. Many men are opportunists unless they are morally strong or are in love.

[DryGermanGuy]

Sooo... he wants you to become a nun and join a monastery?

[Al_Musafir]

He probably wants to keep you from dating other men (because it maybe so that he likes you).

[Still-alive]

I mean i know he's looking out and all but to discourage you from dating altogether is a little odd.

I'd say just 'ill take it into consideration' and do whatever you like.