Have you ever not dated someone because of anxiety over being judged?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I’ve been seeing this dating show where the girls can sort of opt out at any point in time and I notice that as soon as around half of the girls back out, the others do too.

and a lot of the time the reason they give, are just silly goose reasons

[blueonblack22]

I’ve seen a lot of western women (of all ethnicities) really double down on their concerns of dating a man outside their ethnicity. Some do it out of defiance and “rebellion”. But still women have this thing about optics. They either obsess over it or they act over the top defiant about it.

Evolution ties into this because a woman who had bad a reputation in historical times might not gain marriage approval from the groom’s family. If the groom was well off this would be a huge missed opportunity for her. It directly impacted her livelihood. Even survival.

But also some women had to turn to prostitution to make money to survive. Those women had to not give a damn what anybody thought about them because if they did they wouldn’t even be able to function with the shame.

I know my Asian ex girlfriend brought up racial/cultural differences more then I did when we dated. Was worried about her mothers approval (I’m white) and the the fact I was much older. But a part of her got off on being “rebellious” to her parents judgment.

But to be fair men can be like this. Generally not as bad but we’re not always all noble about it either. I remember briefly dating a very attractive yet heavily tattooed girl years ago. She never met my parents but if she did I was worried about how that would of looked

[ManOnFire]

Never have done this. But I can absolutely see women doing it, yeah. They may like a guy privately but publicly they will be ashamed of him if he's not considered physically attractive or socially acceptable. Keep in mind that women care a lot more about appearance than men, and especially about social appearance, and they also care a lot more about what people think of them in public.

As for the girls on that show you watch, that's pretty predictable that the others will bow out after they see that the first girls did. Women are hive-minded/group-think much more than men. If other women do something, the rest will follow suit.

[DrPepper12]

Thats a lot of blanket misconceptions about women packed into one post.

[ManOnFire]

@DrPepper12 It's fine if we don't agree.

[DrPepper12]

It is but it just makes me wonder how you arrive at that point.

[ManOnFire]

@DrPepper12 From my own experiences with women, and also observing how women behave even with other men, and hearing men tell me their cases of how women act weird or different with them when others are around. However, it's the younger women - as usual - who are far worse about this than older ones.

Like I said, if you're a guy who is not deemed as physically attractive or at least not considered someone socially acceptable, or your personality is what would be considered quirky or dorky just because you're different, most women will be embarrassed by you talking to them in public. They might be fine with you in private, but around other people they get awkward and ashamed because they worry what people think and worry that the guy will be some kind of bad reflection on them. Is this dishonest and ingenuine character on the part of women? Absolutely. But that is what they do. Is it right? Absolutely not. But that is what they do. They will blame their awkwardness on you, when deep down they know they're wrong to act that way because of their OWN feelings.

AND it stems from their social paranoia as I mentioned earlier. Women care to a great degree how they will look in front of others, because they are socially-obsessed creatures - not actually "social creatures" as people teach us to believe - but they are very obsessed with social image. Yours, mine, other women's, and their own. It's not even a secret and I've had women right here on GaG admit to me how true it is and admit that they are the same way. It's simply one of their egregious flaws.

[Caroline91]

I met an incredibly fine man in college. We were definitely a couple. My parents didn't like him. Of course, he and I had to face my family situation. He was torn because he didn't want me at odds with my family. I wasn't torn because I felt they should have been supportive of me, of him, of us. We should have eloped because time turned out not to be on our side. It permanently damaged my relationship with my parents.

[Anonymous]

I live in a predominant Caucasian country. I'm Caucasian. I dated a black guy and I think he had more anxiety being seen with me in public than I did with him.

[ManOnFire]

This is surprising, because me also being black, I notice that a lot of other black men are crazy for white women and are proud to be seen with one even if she’s unattractive. At least in the U. S. anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't live in the USA, but I am a citizen. I don't live in Russia. He had anxiety because he was the minority, even though I loved him, he always dealt with the looks and my country treated "us" ill. I never cared or noticed what people thought, though it annoyed me how they acted differently seeing us together.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@ManOnFire some are haters. My mom told me a story about how people told her she wasn’t black anymore for dating a white guy.

[ManOnFire]

@Telekinetic-Potato Yeah, black people tend to get hated the most for dating other races, especially between black and white or ESPECIALLY black and Asian. White men tend to lose their shit about that because they have Asian fetish, and Asian women who are obsessed with white men also turn their nose up at it. Yet nobody hates it when white and Asian, or white and Hispanic, or Hispanic and middle eastern folks are in relationships.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@ManOnFire it’s gonna take a long time before that goes away I think

[ManOnFire]

@Telekinetic-Potato Yes. The only way it will is if relationships between blacks and others become more publicized and depicted respectfully.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@ManOnFire I think the problem is that people aren't allowed to say what they want to say.

If other races want to say something about black people or anyone else, they could loose everything potentially. They don't want to be called racist for voicing their frustrations

Black folk can't really talk about the issues they have because white people are so fed up with the double standard, they just don't want to hear it anymore.

So now nobody knows where anyone is coming from and instead of being able to talk and blow off steam and release the pressure, everyone just gets angrier, more jaded, pulled deeper into whatever shitty mentality they have.

[Opinion Owner]

I just want to say that the black man I was with had just as much heart, goals, and livelihood as any white man or any other race I've been with. When I got to know him, as a person, he was an amazing person. I wasn't being rebellious or whatever, I literally met a good man. Who was sexy, and smart, and I'm glad I still know him

[ManOnFire]

He should've stood his ground in being with you. Should've forced people to accept you two being together. Giving up just let the haters know they won.

[Opinion Owner]

ManonFire, he did. He still held my hand in public, he opened my doors, pulled out my chairs. He was amazing. We only split because his mother had problems and our careers couldn't go to the same place.

[Opinion Owner]

We still talk like we're together, and let me tell you, he is a threat to the guy I'm with. Out if all the people, my man only considers him a threat

[ManOnFire]

Your new guy feels threatened because the other one is a black man with class. Non-black men always feel threatened by that, I can say that from my own experience.

[Opinion Owner]

He is the coolest, funniest guy ever. Always Wil be and I love him, he loves me. But life brought us to different roads. He's married, I'm married. Both the spouses hate we get along

[ManOnFire]

Oh. So the black guy is married too. Dang. And who did he go with? Another white woman or someone else?

[Opinion Owner]

A black woman, and yes, I married a white guy. But we're 3000 miles from each other. Oh, I miss him. His wife hates me, and my husband hates him. But we talk everyday

[ManOnFire]

They hate you and him because they fear you could possibly get back together, especially if you've still liked each other enough to keep in touch.

[Anonymous]

Not really... Closest was not feeling open to dating outside my race. Not what the parents would think; they were old geezers, and wrong on that aspect. But I was very aware that my dad especially would probably say some stupid racist crap, (even unintentional stupidly racist stuff as well as the "on purpose" stuff) and embarrass me and the woman I might date.

Sort of a mild anxiety over being embarrassed. or not big on dealing with the extra crap from getting screamed at or them making constant comments. It wouldn't have completely stopped me, but it would have made things harder.

I didn't really avoid people, or avoid dating any girls... most girls didn't want me as it was, so I guess the silver lining to not dating anyone is that I lucked out by not having to be embarrassed in that way.

[Ευδεμονια]

Honestly speaking, in part yes.
I had possibilities, back in time, to date clamssmates at university but I was so insecure of myself that I preferred shielding and closing myself. I’m still insecure so I don’t know how would I behave if this happens again.


But I never gave an appointment and then backed off, this won’t do, it’s disrespectful.

[sheikalana]

No, if I like you and you like me being judged is the least of my concerns.

[Juxtapose]

Good, kind of sick of people being bitch made about this.

[sheikalana]

@Juxtapose I agree.

[HappyWoman34]

Not really. My standards used to be low, though.

[MikeTheBartender]

Fuck no!!! Remember you are dating to make you Happy, not someone else!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can think of two reasons why that happens. 1) They are only on there to get on TV, and it suddenly becomes real? or 2) They don't want to be first to leave.

[paledreams]

I sure do have my shortcomings lol 😆 for example - I don't wanna have to "be a macho man" if some guy is "disrespecting my woman" hahaha. , crawls into turtle shell 🥺☺️😭

[NathanDavis]

no... never really cared about what people say, not in this way

[BetaBucks]

Nah, being judged means I'm doing something right. 99% of "judgement" is just jealousy.

[DishLady]

No. I know who I am. The guy should also have a solid sense of who he is.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Never. People will always judge no matter who the guy is.

[Fireguy17]

nope, judge away, and I can do likewise.
I'm not perfect by any means, but I can hold my own next to anyone.

[LiamJHayden]

I haven't, but then my attitude is if I F up I deserve judgment; if not, i ignore the judgment of others.

[impalabill77]

Not yet buy some day u think I will. I'm am introvert.

[DrPepper12]

Yeah. Kinda as a teen. Not proud of it.

[msc545]

I have done this many times lately.

[Nikki1989]

Nope, never.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I'my high School yes, several times.

[DreamLife7]

Sounds like excuses

[Alex-Snow]

Not at all

[jahaims]

Nope

[Jason2469]

Lol no