Why do men downgrade after a breakup?

[LostandFound__x]

This is just an observation I’ve made with the guys I’ve dated.

Updates

+1 y

If you’re offended by my question then that’s a reflection of how confident you are in yourself. I didn’t even mention looks. I’m talking about how some men go from a serious relationship to messing around.

[Lionman95]

I would say because they came to the conclusion that a relationship might be easier with a woman that gets less attention from other guys. So they "downgrade" in looks for instance.
Or they just look for a quick replacement they met shortly after the relationship with you.

[Lionman95]

Thanks for the MHO.

[coachTanthony]

Breakups will drain you to the point where being casual is the only way to go. If the casual relationship goes away then it's no big trauma on the body like a serious relationship break up would give you. This is why Men just say F it.

[ManOnFire]

We won't agree on this one lol, but I still think you're a sweet girl. It actually seems to be like women downgrade after a breakup. Or maybe they already downgraded before it, and now they're just showing it openly once the breakup happened.

Throughout my life I've seen women who had some really great, classy boyfriends, had jobs, were loving and kept themselves neat... just for these women to go into total decline and dump them for a troubling downgrade of a dude. It is utterly twisted.

[Lynx122]

Lol men don't care about status and showing off to the outside world as much as women do. If the guy is happy with his life and he finds a woman who treats him well and respects him he'll be happy even if she's superficially not as attractive as another woman. A guy feels more masculine and content when his woman is treating him like a king instead of women who complain a lot and always act as if they're going to replace the guy soon if he doesn't do better etc. Most guys don't want that, even the guys who put up with it, they're miserable. So if this is a regular thing with you, it probably means you're a headache for the men you're dating and they went and found someone who makes them happy afterwards.

[LostandFound__x]

Thanks that’s very kind

[NathanDavis]

after seeing your update

it's been a bit different in my experience...

I usually remained single for some months, before I ended up at another serious relationships... never really dated in between them

[LostandFound__x]

Same tbh

[naartjie]

Thinking this way shows the kind of person you are in my opinion.
First of all what looks good to one may not be the same for the other.
You weren’t it, move on instead of putting down another womans looks to make yourself feel better.

[LostandFound__x]

I didn’t talk about looks. What you’re saying reflects how confident you are in yourself

[naartjie]

Then how can you say he downgrades when you most likely wouldn’t even know the girl he’s now with so yes you actually are talking about looks as do 99% of people when they say someone downgraded. You can’t come back from what you said lol…

[LostandFound__x]

Oh for fucks sake

[naartjie]

You added no information about your question so yes everyone is going to take your question for what it is hence why everyone has the same or similar answer. This isn’t about me, your response also doesn’t make sense just like how you think everyone would assume you’re asking about a long term relationship to a fling… clearly not all there

[andreasderjuengere]

Your self perception is perhaps a little over-inflated?

We are not ''downgrading'', nor do we ''upgrade''.

When we 'finish', we only correct a mistake that we had made earlier.

[hahahmm]

You are only thinking of the looks side of it. He may have been looking for better on the personality side. And not all guys downgrade. Some just go single for long periods or upgrade.

[Crazyced]

That's not downgrading at all. Contrary to women, men's ability to attract mates usually go up as they age into their 30s. He's simply checking his options, same as most girls do at the peak of their attraction.

[JacobJordan]

Have never seen a man downgrade after ending a relationship. Though I admit most of the men I know are like me. Been married over a decade and thriving.

[genericname85]

have you heard of the hot/crazy scale. I would say men go for more crazy but more hot women at first and then learn that it's not worth it to deal with the crazy so they settle with a less crazy but less hot chick.

[Anonymous]

where's the downgrade factor in this? if you're referring to body count, this actually helps men due to pre-selection hardwiring in women's natural instincts

[avery58]

Do you mean women want men with higher body counts? Where's the proof of this?

Only weird ones would, I don't 😂
I like guys who are like me

[Crazyced]

@avery58 Pre-selection is real and as been proven. Do you know what women that want to be left alone and men that want to be flirted with have in common? They both put on wedding rings.

[avery58]

@Crazyced well the girls who find married men attractive, so if that's the type they want to attract and don't want real commitment. I still think most women worth anything don't want someone who has been passed around town

[avery58]

I meant that the girls who find married men attractive are weird as fuck. But you're not wrong, there are many of those. I noticed it in my last relationship when my boyfriend was getting more attention when he was with me, holding my hand.

If my eyes were knives those sluts would have been dead 😂

[Crazyced]

@avery58 And you would be wrong. They literally did studies on this with men wearing rings and portrayed as married. You can deduce what you want from it but one hypotheses is that women have a certain distrusts of men they no nothing about. The fact that he was able to get a woman to marry him leads to believe that he at least has SOMETHING going for him, aka pre-selection.

[avery58]

@Crazyced oh I saw that too. Some of them think married men are more dependable and trustworthy but if he cheats on his wife (and most people know that the majority of married men wouldn't leave their wife for the mistress anyway) then how does she still correlate that as being a dependable person.

Like I said, they're either weird or stupid.

[avery58]

@Crazyced or possibly gold diggers

[Crazyced]

@avery58 The brain's power of rationalization can be limitless. 'He won't do that to me cause I'm much better then her. She must be neglecting him'. Then again, sometimes it's true.

[Opinion Owner]

@avery58 no it's not the body count number itself but the message it conveys and that goes for both men and women

most of society would agree that women are the gatekeepers of sex and men the gatekeepers of relationships

women typically want men that other women want which determines whether those men have something to offer or not, women don't want men whom other women want because it signifies he may be a potential creep or a lowlife. body count is indicative of a man whom other women want because they gave him the one thing they're gatekeeping

on the other hand, a woman who gives out what she gatekeeps to multiple men while not getting what men gatekeep from her signals to men there's something about her that other men don't want to associate with her long term

there are pro's and con's to both high body and low body count in men and women depending on the values and psychological beliefs are

sure different people can have different values but what I mentioned isn't about values but how the primitive part of our brains work and that part of our brain will always exist and not something we can ignore or sweep under the rug

[ProbablyClueless]

They're looking for a change, and they don't see it as a downgrade.

[boggboss]

I dont believe they do or they view it as downgrading

[Drewtate]

Did they downgrade or are you rating yourself too high.

[DrPepper12]

Its a valid observation. can't stand to be alone or JO?

[Danny_dan92]

If staying celibate is a downgrade then fuck yeah I downgraded lol

[jahaims]

Maybe you think too highly of yourself so you have a skewed perspective. They can also have different preferences from you so it might not be a downgrade to them.

[Theodoricus]

Yes, for example most of them spreading lies and rumors after breakup. Just laugh at them.

[Yannae]

I don't know, I never understood that. You've got to go up instead of down, always.

[Anonymous]

Dunno, When i was broken up with, i always found someone hotter and better all around. Especially so i could rub it in her face.

[dolemite58]

Why would I guy want to jump into another serious relationship when you were a headache to deal with?

[CrabCakes11]

I don’t think most men do that

[Knightwatch27]

Downgrade, how do you mean?

[Knightwatch27]

I wasn't offended I just genuienly don't know what you mean lol

[LostandFound__x]

Not about you! Haha. I meant how some guys go from a relationship to prostitutes for example

[dustybiker2]

You might only be seeing their flaws out of hurt.

[Billlewis]

It's the classic case of 'sour grapes'.

[Twalli]

If she's a rebound we aren't looking for high quality.

[Fireguy17]

No clue, I've always upgraded, why go backwards?

[TommyMountainFigure]

In what way do they downgrade?

[katiesmuff]

That is something I had never noticed.

[Billlewis]

The same woman they've been working day and night for weeks, months, etc to have sex with they now claim is dumb, ugly and not worth pursuing at all... lol

[Lynx122]

@Billlewis That's not what the question is about at all.

[Anonymous]

They rebound. The shot missed. Life.

[SotiCoto]

Is that what you tell yourself?

[TallAnon]

Downgrade in looks, upgrade in personality?

[Anonymous]

They don't.