Why do men downgrade after a breakup?

[Anonymous]

I was shown a photo of my ex and his new girlfriend and told some things about her. He left me three weeks after we broke up to be with her. It's been a year, and she's already living with him! After 3 years, he wouldn't live with me?

I was told she is a single mom, divorced, white trash and filed for bankruptcy. She is in her 30s but has aged horribly!

I don't know how to feel about myself now. I have no kids, am financially responsible, good job, own my car, and I'm def not hideous. And Im not even a bitch - we hardly fought in 3 years!! But I was never good enough for him... He always wanted me to change..

Why did he downgrade? Why is this person who I think has much less going for her than I do good enough?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the mean remarks... I'm not the least narssassistic. I'm fact im a very sweet, considerate person who had her heart broken when this man I loved left me for this other woman. I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me bc all he could see where my negative features when hers are right in your face.. And while being a single parent isn't a negative thing, he tolde he would never date a single mom. And one of my only negative qualities is a little credit card debt, but not bankruptcy

Updates

+1 y

I'm sure none of you have ever been broken up with or left and wondered why your ex started dating someone that they did

[Dragonblood21]

narcissistic people pretty much never admit they are narcissistic, and you are showing some pretty damn clear signs of being narcissistic.

The people here gave you mean remarks because you dished out mean remarks your to your boyfriend's current relationship. You seem to think your break up validates your behavior, and it doesn't.

Your biggest problem seems to be your outlook, and I can see that from the little bit you posted. Stop excusing yourself from your behavior when it's wrong, accept that people like others for different reasons (that means no "downgrade" bullshit), and be happy instead of bitter, like you are right now.

[Jocko]

Maybe she's very passive and does what she's told. There are more to it than the basics. She may look like garbage and be trash but maybe they just have more in common, plus all realtionships are amazing in the first year.

Why do you need validation? Just because you were together doesn't mean you were right for each other. Having a good job a car and house and all that stuff on paper only matters in dating profiles. What kind of person are you outside of your accomplishments?

Whatever he was trying to change about you is probably what this other girl has.

[HyperOrphic]

Because just because you see her as a downgrade doesn't mean she is. She could have a good heart and a wonderful personality... and clearly you're the bitter, shallow, jealous type - which isn't sexy no matter how hot or successful you are.

I'm sure all in all you're a good person, but this question is unbecoming of you.

[Anonymous]

Probably because you aren't as submissive as her, or he wants someone who is below him so that he can feel superior and be a king control. Who knows?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have been through several bad breakups, including one recently, so I have no intentions of dumping on you. If you would, please, tell me what he thought were your negative qualities and what do you think are your negative qualities?

[Northeast106]

@asker That's all on him. Look at it this way, you have the chance to upgrade if you will. After our divorce, my ex married a man who is about 55 years old, (about 20 years older than her). For me it's an opportunity to meet a girl who will really be good for me. I now look for personal responsibility in a partner, a woman who doesn't work and doesn't have a car would be a red flag. If someone doesn't function as a basic adult, they won't be a good partner to live with. I found this out the hard way. If I was you, I would work on becoming debt free. Not only for a future partner, but for yourself as well. So many people screw themselves over with debt.

[Anonymous]

not sure how being single mom, divorced and having a bankruptcy under your belt makes you a worse choice. Actually this whole post makes you sound kinda narcissistic. Have you met this person yet? maybe she's actually very pleasant/ fun to be around.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he find something in her you didn't have it its not about beauty always.

And he wanted you to change what was this change? She may have it already

[Anonymous]

If she is with him, he sees her as a hell of a lot better than you.