What to do when you feel anxious and usually run away from getting hurt?

[Anonymous]

Things are going well for the most part with this guy I’m getting to know. But lately I feel more anxious and my pattern is running away from my feelings before I would get hurt… sometimes I get scare he’s becoming a little distant because there’s probably someone else or I’m scare he’s not as into me as he claims.

I just don’t know what to do to not run away… or messed things up. Do I let him know I’m scare or keep my distance? I don’t know.

[DishLady]

Sigh…. Ok, so “fight or flight” is a really strong primal instinct we all have….


But if you think of love as being waves from the ocean crashing into the shore… figure out if you’re willing to let the waves crash around you, to give into their phenomenal motion and surf with the right waves … or if you will just run to the boardwalk and avoid the waves altogether.


If you picked surfing… you’re ready to give and receive love. If you picked the boardwalk, you’re just not ready to commit to it. (Both are ok. You just have to know yourself and not string others along if you know you’re headed to the boardwalk with your feet firmly planted on the ground.)

[kylee2437]

Best thing you can do is ask him how he feels about you and see if he is on the same page as you. Don’t throw your insecurities at him directly. Be prepared for a response you may or may not like and go from there

[Asker]

He’s already told me he likes me, but sometimes I see he’s on instagram but he’s not texting me back as fast... so I feel anxious and wanna run away type of anxiety that he’s busy with other girls or not as into me.

[kylee2437]

@asker people need their personal space, and if you aren’t official he technically is allowed to talk to other women. Stand confident, stand strong and if he is really the one for you, you will soon find out. Time usually tells with stuff like this. You can’t ever control what someone else may be doing, and fixating on this type of stuff isn’t healthy and it drives negative energy in between the both of you

[Asker]

Thank you, I will try. Tbh I never had a healthy relationship either, so I’m really trying to take it slow. And I’m not used to it… I had wonder if it’s normal in the early stage of talking if sometimes a healthy beginning is also feels like the texting can become feelin a bit boring at times while other times we are very engaging since I’m used to love bombers making it all excited all the times.

[kylee2437]

I totally feel this. I’ve just entered into a relationship as well that actually feels healthy and our texting is boring, but I like it that way. Obviously we keep in contact, but texting isn’t real life and I am happy we don’t use texting to make up for loss time together. Just stand confident and the most important thing, is understanding when to leave if something doesn’t feel right

[sawno]

Share your fear with him, it will help. Because he can then understand what your going trough and support you trough it. But more importantly it will help him understand if you do flee. It will make things simpler for your relationship when he knows.

If you don't say anything and you act out because of it and he won't understand that has a big potential to ruin your chances with the guy.

[sawno]

Also on the off chance he leaves you because of it you'd instantly know he is not the kind of guy you want in your life, because you need someone supportive and who is willing to help you. You don't need a guy who is unable or unwilling to deal with this.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Every time you start to have these feelings, you should study English until the feelings go away.

[PeachyPie93]

First thing is to calm down. I am actually the same way and you have to learn to control your emotions. First do not watch what he is up to, second when you are not in contact with him try your best not to think of him and keep busy with your own life. The worst thing you can do is fear losing him, because even if you do lose him, he isn't that special there are a billion other people in the world, life goes on lol.

[SotiCoto]

If you let fear and anxiety control you, the results are always worse than if you'd done basically anything else.
Either brace yourself for failure and take a shot... or give up. Those are your choices.

[Amandanator]

Let him know how you feel! You never want to ghost another person because that is cruel. Fight that anxiety!

[jahaims]

Go to therapy