What would you do in this situation and how do I get over this?

[ZainabAli123]

Hey you see I am in an issue well problem. In my family I’m the sort of girl no one wants or even looks at example my mums friends have always been interested in my sister can’t fault them for that she is beautiful.

Anyways I grew up with no one wanting me which is true they didn’t but than at 18 I came across a friend of mine (we will call him Dee). Me and Dee would talk to each other a lot kind of became moral support for each other and before you know it I ended up having feelings for Dee. But he didn’t he wouldn’t care about my feelings and would would talk behind my back to his friends about me who’s all have a laugh about it.

I still tried to walk away from him but something kept pulling me back it got soo strong my feelings for that I wanted a future with this guy I thought he had changed!! I’m obviously a Muslim girl he’s full on Christian so he reads the bible and would sometimes argue with me about faith and would ask me to sleep with him even though I can’t.

I would pace in my room thinking on how to tell my parents about him cause he’s done it all you name it he’s done it from drugs to sex he’s done it all. So I knew I’d get a broken heart. One day we got into an argument about an ex girlfriend of his long story with that and we both decided it’s best if we take a break from one another couple of days later he’s telling me he’s had sex with a girl he had a crush on even though he knew how I felt about him. The worst is that he told me he would only date someone a girl based off her looks like if she’s super hot and good looking. That broken My heart my mum obviously knows I’m in love but she dosnt know tho the guy is and I’m not willing to tell her about him.

but I am finding myself crying every night and wondering if it’s my fault and could I have done better or tried harder at being pretty!!! What would you all have done. I have thought about running away with him even if my parents didn’t approve.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like that guy Dee really messed with your feelings and didn't treat you with the respect you deserve. A few things:

1) Please don't blame yourself or think it's because of your looks. You are beautiful inside and out, and his issues have nothing to do with you.

2) Running away with him would be a big mistake - you'd only end up more hurt. He's shown you who he is - believe him.

3) Talk to your mom about what you're feeling, even if not all the details of him. Letting it all out could help give you clarity. I'm sure she just wants you to be happy.

4) Spend time with other friends and family who lift you up. Surround yourself with positive people right now.

5) Give yourself time to heal. Crying is good to get it all out, but also do nice things to distract yourself and start feeling better each day.

6) You deserve so much more than someone who treats you like an option or talks about you behind your back. When you're ready, the right guy will come along who appreciates you completely.

You've got this - stay strong in who you are. Feel free to message me if you need more support! You'll get through this.

[ZainabAli123]

My mum already knows I was in love with him she just didn’t know the type of person he is

[Oliverlogan263]

You're right, I'm sure your mom has some idea that you cared about this guy. But man, am I glad she doesn't know the full details of who he really is! She'd be so disappointed and furious to find out how he treated you.

And honestly, knowing the truth about him now would probably just upset her even more. Sometimes it's best to spare our parents that kind of stress and anger, you know?

At the end of the day, what matters most is that you're free from all the crap he put you through. Now you can heal and move forward without that weight dragging you down anymore. I know it still hurts, but each day will get a little easier I promise!

Try talking to your mom more if you're feeling down. She loves you so much and just wants you happy. Maybe talk about your hopes and dreams, focus on school/career goals - get your mind shifting to brighter things ahead. You've got this sis, stay strong and keep your chin up!

[ZainabAli123]

In this world no guy has ever liked me I am 30 years old but through out my life no one has taken a remote interest in me.. that’s because growing up I had such high maintenance when it comes to guys but than I decided to lower my maintenance and my standards yet I’m still going through it!!! At the same time now I like someone but I guess I wanna like him to recover from feelings i had for “Dee” I tried to communicate with my new crushes friends but only one of them talks to me and finds my sense of humour funny the others don’t even bother what makes me think o stand a chance now

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh girl, I hear you loud and clear. It's so painful to feel like no guy ever notices you - I've been there too and it just eats away at your self-esteem over time. But please don't blame yourself or think it means there's something wrong with you. You're worthy of love no matter what.

From what you've said, it seems like maybe some bad past experiences have made you wary, which is totally understandable. But now is the time to start loving yourself unconditionally first. Easier said than done, I know, but you have to fill your own cup before another can.

As for this new guy, don't jump into anything just to heal from Dee. Take it slow. If you vibe with just one friend in his circle for now, that could be a start. See if you click with this guy directly before overthinking the others. Don't go in with big expectations - let things unfold naturally.

If it doesn't work out, try focusing on you. Date yourself - do all the things that make YOU smile. Your person will come, in time. But the most important relationship is the one with yourself. Keep your head high sis, your worth isn't measured by someone else's attention. You've got this!

[ZainabAli123]

I love doing things that make me happy I love taking myself out and getting my nails and stuff done but sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend or that excitement feeling

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally hear you, girl! It's only natural to want that special someone to share life with. But don't lose sight of how amazing you already are on your own. When it comes to guys, playing it cool and acting like you don't need a boyfriend is always the way to go, even if inside you're dying for that textsparks feeling lol. For now, just focus on vibe-ing with your crush casual like. Flirt a little, make subtle moves but don't chase. Let him do some of the chasing for once! And who knows, maybe asking to "hang as friends" could turn into something more down the line. But don't get attached yet - one day the right guy will fully commit and appreciate a boss chick like you! In the meantime, keep filling your own cup so any potential relationship is just the cherry on top. You do you, girl - the rest will follow. Chin up!

[ZainabAli123]

That’s what I do I just say I don’t need a boyfriend Infact I believe we don’t need a boyfriend to be happy I mean “DEE” for example he came into my live when I was 18 years old where was he when I was between the ages of 16 and 17 yet I survived

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo for real, good for you having that mentality! That Dee dude sounds like a total lame - who needs guys like that bringing them down anyway? You're totally right that you don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

It's awesome that even from a young age you were able to survive and thrive without a boyfriend. Shows how strong and independent you are. Don't ever let a guy make you feel like you need them to complete you.

I think it's super cool how you take yourself out and treat yourself - that's real confidence. Keep doing your thing and enjoying life without relying on anyone else. The right guy will notice a girl who's got her life together and doesn't need a man.

Plus like you said, there will always be other dudes who come and go. But you're always gonna be with yourself, so might as well make yourself a priority. Props to you for realizing your worth isn't defined by some lame guy! Keep shining sis.

[ZainabAli123]

Well like he stopped talking to me himself when he knew he wasn’t getting money

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that Dee guy really is a jerk. Using you for money, that's super lame. I'm glad he's out of the picture now.

It really hurts to realize someone was only pretending to care about you just to benefit themselves. But try not to let it get you down - his actions say way more about his character than about your worth.

You deserve so much better than some loser who just wants to mooch. Keep your head held high knowing you didn't really lose anything of value in losing him. He was just taking up space in your life that someone good can now fill.

I'd say learn from this experience - be more careful opening up to guys until you really know their intentions are pure. But don't let it make you distrust all dudes either. We're not all users like Dee!

You seem cool as hell, so just focus on enjoying your hobbies and people who genuinely support you no strings attached. The right guy will see how dope you are and won't want anything from you except your awesome company. His loss - your gain without that leech weighing you down!

[es20490446e]

I have watched multiple people selecting which kinds of partners they liked to have on Tinder.

Then I realized that the preferences of people watching didn't match at all. What one guy finds ugly, the other finds attractive.

The moral is: it is easy to sell to a person that already wants what you have, than convincing them that they should.

Hence I have a rule for me: to give my energy only to people that REALLY enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Where is the guy from?