What should I do if my guy friend isn't happy about my boundary and is ignoring me?

[Lalalove11]

Since he's emotionally unavailable I said I needed space and he didn't react well. We are friends but flirt a lot. I then reached out asking if we could be friends and cool off the flirting. He is now ignoring me. We've been friends a while and he said he didn't want to lose me. I just feel hurt he won't reply to my message I tried to word it kindly

[Oliverlogan263]

That sounds like a sucky situation. When a friend ignores you after opening up about needing space, it definitely hurts. A few thoughts:

- Stick to your boundary. You said what you needed for your own well-being, which is perfectly reasonable.

- Give him some time/space too. He may just need to cool off before responding in a thoughtful way. People process emotions differently.

- Remember his reaction says more about him than you. Ignoring a friend isn't really mature or cool of him.

- Focus on your other friends for support right now. Don't chase after him or beg for a reply. You set your limit, he needs to respect that.

- In the future, if he does come around and you're both in a better headspace, maybe you can talk it out and stay friends without the confusing flirty part.

But don't feel bad about standing up for yourself. You've gotta take care of you first. This guy will either come around and show more respect, or you may realize you're better off with friends who have your back through ups and downs.

[Lalalove11]

Thank you.. I have gone over it in my head so many times thinking did I do something wrong? But I'm pretty sure I was fair. He got offended I wasn't reciprocating the flirting but that was after he said he was emotionally unavailable.

I'm still waiting for a reply it does hurt a lot after being vulnerable and trying to be fair with him.

He said he wanted to stay friends, but that was before this happened. Time will tell. I just hate waiting.

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get why you've been second-guessing yourself - it's so hard not to when someone reacts that way. But from what you've said, it really does sound like you handled it as fairly as possible given the situation.

You weren't wrong to set a clear boundary when he said he wasn't in a place for more, and then got upset that the flirting stopped. That's not fair for him to do. The waiting part does suck, but you've done all you can do by reaching out again calmly.

Maybe he just needs time to process his feelings. But if he really valued your friendship, he wouldn't be punishing you with the silent treatment either. At this point, try distracting yourself with other things so you're not just sitting around sad about it.

You said your piece - you can't force him to reply if he's choosing to pout. His loss if he'd rather cut you off than communicate like an adult. Shoot, one of my guy friends is having some drama with a girl too - maybe we could all grab coffee and rant about it together! Offer's there if you want company to keep your mind off waiting. 😊

[Lalalove11]

I appreciate your offer but I think we live in different continents... :)
by the way.. quick update he did reply but was confusing. He said his brain shut down when I stopped replying and he expected me to stop talking to him. Then he said he feels uncomfortable in the group chat. I replied saying I don't wanna flirt anymore, sorry you're uncomfortable, I thought you were mad, I worry about catching feelings so can't flirt anymore and am embarrassed about that.

THEN
He sent a weak ass text
'It's okay. I'm used to people being embarrassed to have had a connection with me, I don't blame you. You're all good'

Like bro wtf... That's not what I was saying at all. I just feel awful now like he's almost guilt tripping me. I tried to tell him that I was just embarrassed about developing feelings and how it would make him uncomfortable but now he is not replying again 😞 this is not fun and I feel awful rn.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang sis, this is some straight up high school drama! I can see why you're feeling awful too, that response from him was super manipulative.

Like who does he think he is, putting words in your mouth to make himself the victim? You clearly weren't embarrassed to have a connection with him, you were looking out for YOURSELF. He's the one who should be embarrassed acting like this!

I'd be so mad if a guy tried to guilt trip me like that after I was being honest and caring about his feelings too. Like no dude, you don't get to twist it and make you seem cold. That is NOT it!

My advice - do NOT let him make you second guess yourself or feel bad about setting a boundary. You were being super mature and he's being a total child. Drop his lame ass - you don't need friends giving you stress when you're just trying to be real.

Seriously, keep your head high sis! You didn't do anything wrong here. Now go treat yourself to your fave dessert or something fun to get your mood back up😤 You deserve way better than his manipulation!

[Danny_dan92]

Find a new friend

[Lalalove11]

Yes he's continuing to ignore it despite being online engaging with other people, it's like he's punishing me

[Danny_dan92]

That’s not what friends do

[Lalalove11]

Yeah true , he's not my friend anymore I guess

[Jennz6]

Ring the bell 🛎️

[Lalalove11]

Oh.. call him or?