Why would a guy ask me out and not show up?

[silvermoon84]

I know not all guys do this (and women do it too), just feeling a bit ranty because it just happened to me today. I made a date with a guy for today, we had a confirmed time and date just couldn’t pick a place. We met on a dating app. He asked me out on Thursday (he was the one that asked me out, not the other way around). Friday comes along, we’re talking but didn’t decide on a place, just that we were getting coffee. Yesterday comes along, I suggest several coffee shops to him. He says nothing. I ask are we still meeting up, I get crickets. This morning I check my phone, still nothing. I’m not broken up over it, I found something else to do. However, you say you’re interested in getting to know me and ask me out and I set aside time to meet you. I get shit happens, but if you have to reschedule the date why not just let me know? I didn’t just jerk him around or be mean. I showed interest in him too so it wasn’t totally one sided. Sad thing is, it’s not the first time this happened and I’m wondering if it’s something wrong with me, especially if they’re just doing it without even telling me they changed their mind about going on the date. Like just tell me you lost interest.

I know that not all guys do this, but for the ones that have (if they’re willing to help a girl understand why it happens), what were the reasons?

I know women do it too. I never have done it, but I’m sorry for all the ones who have.

[midnightmoon05]

welcome back to the dating world of uncertainty. I saw the difference between my 20s dating and my later 30s dating.
my 20s was easy and with lots of options. I picked the guy and married and had a family.
my late 30s exactly like you explained. Most use it for fun and not real. Even if they said they want to meet… however, don’t come up with an exact plan… don’t get your hopes up or get upset. It’s a game for them for a reason.

I never questioned them and just talk to other guys. I met a few… because I leaned to weed out those who were just interested online (one of them I played alone with him for 2 years. Just chit chat about nothingness…, I even told him he has a girlfriend/wife and told him to be loyal to her)…

the two guys I met in person… I became my boyfriend for sometime till I moved on because he slowly showed his true color of an alcoholic and takes drugs.

be patient and learn the game…enjoy the process of weeding out bad apples.

I met my second husband on gag … and now happily married.

[DishLady]

It's called being a dbag. Look up the definition of dbag and you'll understand that some guys just choose to flake out at the last minute without giving the girl a second glance or thought. They're not gentlemen, so they're not worth your time or attention.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

*Speed-Answer Demon has entered the chat*

sounds like you were tryna make sure you don't generalize guys and women, which is good I guess.

I'll get to the point.

Guys, and girls, often make dates just to end up ghosting.

Why?

Usually, it's cause someone changed their mind

Almost always, they make the date, then another girl comes along and makes their move first, and they don't want to tell you since they are embarrassed.

Next time, get him before the competition does. Make sure you get there first and leave him last if it works out..

that's why in most opinions, I always say

"Go big or go home. And if you are going home, make sure you bring them with you :)"

[loveslongnails]

You shouldn't be broken up over it, you should be glad it happened from the start so you don't waste time on him. There's nothing wrong with you - some guys are just douche nuggets.

[silvermoon84]

Eh, about this guy alone I’m not really broken up just more annoyed at the lack of communication and consideration. I just didn’t know if maybe I was the problem and needed to fix something, but I ended up going for a run and doing some house cleaning that I’d been putting off so I guess I turned it into a positive 😄

[loveslongnails]

Ok, but here's my point: I think it's a really BAD idea to immediately wonder if YOU are the problem because some guy acts like a jerk. You're not the problem.

[Gent207-2]

I cannot comprehend it ether.

Coffee meetup followed by lunch and a walk on a downtown mall or park, presuming we are vibing well on that first meet, sign me up 😅

[Gent207-2]

Follow up
What dating app were you using?

[ProbablyClueless]

Guys are people pleasers too. It's a really weird and inconsiderate behavior, but that's the reason. Poor sense of boundaries.

[BarryLiverstone]

Many people don’t use dating apps to meet irl. Stats show a majority don’t. Do you expect people to meet irl on an app?

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't know why he did it but he'd never get to do it again cause if someone I was seeing did thay to me I'd be done

[MrGSpotHer]

I don't know I don't don't do it if I couldn't meet up for some reason id let you know

[OddBeMe]

He probably masturbated watching you wait for him. There are guys like that.

[eagle1951]

he messed up and couldn't keep his dates straight.

[Guacamole409]

You met him on an app. That's it.

[LiamJHayden]

Fear. Did not really intend to do so.

[silvermoon84]

Did intend to flake? Yeah I guess that makes sense. Doesn’t make it suck any less though 😞