If good women keep complaining about bad men, and good men about bad women, why can a good man and woman not find each other?

[Crimsyjo]

This is a silly question I know. Just one born out of frustration and sadness today sorry!

[Anonymous]

Well there reaches an age where men just want peace and serenity more than they want a woman in their life. So if you're a woman that is the antithesis of that you're no longer marketable to the guy, regardless of what you think you may offer. And since the majority of good women are wifed up by 25 (sorry just a FACT), as we get older the ratio of good women just becomes less and less.

With women (since I'm not one) I assume you reach the point of empty promises and unfulfilled dreams that you get to the point that you decide it's less of a roller coaster just to remain single. Besides women know they can change that at ANY moment. Because there's always going to be a market. Maybe the options will be "bad" and "worse", but They're still there.

So the end result is most of the good men and women are smart enough, (or dissallusioned enough😆) to remain on the sideline at some point. Which leaves a higher concentration of bad men and women in the dating pool.

[Crimsyjo]

Very thoughtful and perceptive thinking. I myself was one of those "prefer to stay single" women for 8 years after a bad guy. Now i reimerged from my hibernation and sure the options to mess around are plenty! I'm just surprised people are still in that zone after age 40 as much as below.
But your reasoning could explain why...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, my hiatus from dating was a little longer (15 years.) I came out of it as well. But the woman I met convinced me to go right back into hibernation. I know there are good women out there. But honestly I lived without them this long that it's really not a loss to me. Know what I mean? If I meet my match fine. If I remain single for the rest of my life fine. I'd rather be alone for the right reasons then with someone for the wrong ones.

[Lionman95]

Because men and women define good differently. What's good from a man's point is seen as weak from a woman's point and vice versa.
A good woman is a woman that's sexually inexperienced, humble, caring and compassionate. She's kind and encourages a man. That's something many guys would like to see in their girl the issue from a woman's point is that this kind of woman is depending on her man to be good and keep her safe. That probably mean she works at least less than him at a job and therefore she seems weak.
Additionally a problem a good person often seems too good to the other side as people don't think they deserve such a person. So people are mean to each other in some way as they make fun of the effort their partner makes or they take it for granted.

[Lionman95]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Caroline91]

Actually, it's not a silly question... and I will be the first to say that there are, in fact, plenty of stupid questions that get asked...

It's a question I think we all need to ask ourselves. I just sorry it came out of frustration and sadness...

[Crimsyjo]

Aww @caroline91thank you. That means a lot. 🥰.
I guess it's just silly cos good men/women do get together all the time so I was expecting a bit of a backlash implying they don't.
Your obviously a good woman! And I feel a little better today. Hope u have a good day!

[Caroline91]

@Crimsyjo But all of the complaining is counterproductive and keeps us from staying focused on the good and even, perhaps, finding the good man/woman we are wanting. There are plenty of studies indicating that negativity only breeds more negativity and is, in fact, contagious. Feel free do DM me any time. ☀️Wishing peace and light in your life

[Peridot25]

Because they don’t know if either one is good.

[Crimsyjo]

Yes yes. Lack of trust due to all the bad ones out there! Well done @Peridot25. You got straight to the heart in one sentence lol. I always ramble way more than necessary haha

[Finchie40]

Most of them do eventually , usually we encounter bad seeds before finding a good one

[Crimsyjo]

Haha OK. I'm about 3 bad seeds in. I'm. ready for a good one now!!! Lol

[Finchie40]

I hear ya , sadly it’s hard to find these days

[Caroline91]

@Crimsyjo. Look at character rather than personality. It takes a bit longer to discern but always does come out. I also have a theory that someone will almost always tell us exactly who they really are very shortly after we meet them. Sometimes, it's just one sentence. If we're really paying attention, we'll catch it. Be watching for it and don't talk yourself out of it when someone tells you that.

[Crimsyjo]

@Caroline91 I'd love more tips!! I am getting better at trusting my instincts. If I get a "player" vibe I'm dismissing instead of getting drawn in by attractive looks. And I'm trying to go for guys that look kind and maybe more average looking (but have potential as attraction can grow).
Words tho... they know a lot of the right things to say!!

[Caroline91]

@Crimsyjo Well, sounds like your becoming more astute. Good for you!

[RyanR03]

Honestly people just romanticize others and have far too much capacity to lie to themselves to see something in a person despite all the warning ⚠️ signs. People tell you who they are alll the time in numerous ways. But if someone doesn’t want to see.. they won’t. And most single 30ish years olds start thinking about alll the lost time and will compromise on things they know better than to compromise. If a person truly doesn’t value character then they aren’t going to be attracted to it. You pursue what you are attracted to. Now whether that ever ends well is another matter 😂

[Crimsyjo]

Wise words! Thank you x

[HawkPerception]

I feel like a lot of the good women tend to be attracted to the traits of guys that tend to be "players" or "fuckboys" more so than good and faithful guys. And then the good guys a lot of the time turn into the "players" later on in life due to all the rejection they received from women over the years.

[Crimsyjo]

Oooh... turn into players? Yes i can see that!! And not just the men. I must confess I get drawn into that circle too due to not finding what I really want (relationship) and the other (sex/fun) being so readily available!
Am i drawn to fuckboys? When looking in my pool of potential-relationship-guys I try not to be anymore!!
I've also tried making my profile less 'hot' which is hard as obviously I want to appeal to a guy and he's making a snap decision within half a second based on first picture he sees.
Thank you for your opinion. You have given me food for thought!

[Ladsin2]

Probably not fair, but I put the blame more on women, but more broadly society in general. Women claim to want good men, but then date “bad” men. Men respond to incentives and are inherently problem solvers. The goal for men has pretty much always been to have sex with as many women as possible. It used to be the case that women would make men wait for marriage and weed out the “bad” men by making them wait and proving that they were good long term investments, someone they could see themselves raising children with. There’s been a societal shift away from that which has lead to women changing their behavior seeking more immediate gratification. That’s just not a good long term solution for most women so they’re trapped. Certain cultural institutions can mediate against this trend ie religion, but religiosity has been declining precipitously in the West as well.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ooooo. my answer to your other question highlights a way of being able to do JUST that.. Well at least it would if it were possible to start up social clubs of all age groups in as many areas and countries as possible.

Al lit would take is hiring a disused warehouse, going in and cleaning it up, providing a small snack bar with refreshments, and advertisements galore to help get it started!

[bowenw]

Sadly a lot of the good ones get sucked into relationships with the bad ones.

[Crimsyjo]

Ah yes this makes sense. That it is better to give up a bad relationship than hold on from fear of being alone. Because then you are free to find a good one!

[bowenw]

Yes. I hope you find the good one you deserve.

[jahaims]

Because the people complaining think they are a good man or woman. Good men and women don't have a hard time finding partners. Have more honest introspection. If you are single in your 40s it's a you thing. It's not that you can't find a good guy. It's good guys not wanting you.

[Anonymous]

By "good women", are you referring to the ones who use photos of their boobs as their profile pic?

To answer your actual question, good men and women do find each other. It takes hard work and a degree of luck, but it happens all the time.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah I know I was being flippant in my current mood. And I know I am a good person and good woman and make a very good partner. How I choose to dress and show my body - which is hardly anything to be honest in my profile pic. You wd see more at a beach or swimming pool or on Instagram- is my free choice and right and pretty normal in my country. If a guy can't see a little flesh and not only think of sex then he has a lot of growing up to do.

[Opinion Owner]

It has nothing to do with a guy not being able to see a little flesh and not only thinking of sex. It has nothing to do with guys at all, and everything to do with the mindset, character and motives of women who does that sort of thing. It's very disingenuous to say "If a guy can't see a little flesh and not only think of sex then he has a lot of growing up to do" when getting men's sexual attention is clearly what you're trying to do. It's you who needs to grow up.

[Crimsyjo]

Again it shows your mindset not mine to think that a woman wearing a top that may show her chest and a little cleavage is for deliberately trying to get sexual attention from men.
Do men only take their tops off to get women's sexual attention? Or are they just hot and want to cool down? Or get a tan?
If a woman wears a strap top, crop top, hell not me but a lot will wear just a bra type top, because they want to cool down and tan just the same but unlike men can't fully unclothe. If women wear shorts or skirts that show legs is that also a deliberate plan to be sexual? Cos men are gonna look and whistle whatever the woman's mindset.
People that know me in person, at work and such, would all say what a nice friendly helpful and caring person I am. I am well educated. A mother. I rescue animals too. Am I highly sexual? Oh yes. But I only show that in appropriate places. Like on here and in conversations with certain guys. And those that bother to get to know me have a lot of good to say about my character and morals. You can be both sexy, sexual and a good honest loyal person. It's just hard for a lot of guys to look past the sexy persona to see the person underneath. So on that I totally agree with you.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

my parents did. almost 39 years ago (August 17, 1985). Married, happily, struggling financially but, otherwise, happily)

[Crimsyjo]

Awww and what about yourself?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

everybody i meet is some right wing nut job, or already taken

[IslaTheWitch]

because we didn't sync definitions of "good" :D

[LazerBean]

Good man and Good women do find each other. For the ones that do not, it is because they suck at looking for the other person.

[Crimsyjo]

Such an expert! Please. Do share your wisdom! 😄

[DextroShade]

There are very few good women left due to hoeflation. Most women are pieces of shit who ignore the good men to get passed around by a few bad men which they then complain about in between going back to them.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Because our views on what's good is often different. Or a flaw in a partner causing one to give up and run.

[Crimsyjo]

Very true! It's so hard to actually get to know someone these days. And maybe see an overall goodness. Only place really is through work. But if there's nobody at work I don't know where u meet someone naturally. Dating apps are very flawed because u can make snap decisions on so little information.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Through friends is also a way. Or events you go too. Mine approached me while I was on the bus.

[Crimsyjo]

Awww really! That's so good and really rare haha.
I am trying to get friends but it's hard at my age. The couple I got are just one on one meet ups. Like going walk together or cafe.

I'm a member of like 10 social groups. Mostly that meet for a chat in a bar. But some are for walking. Haven't met anyone that way yet that I actually feel attracted to. Only ones that are taken!

[exitseven]

i had an uncle who was a cop and he used to say tht the sadists always find the masochists.

[Crimsyjo]

Life has a way of balancing. Ying and yang. Salt and pepper. Sweet and sour.
I just want masculine to my feminine... lol

[zagor]

They do. Occasionally.

And the definition of a good man or woman varies enormously depending on who's deciding.

[Crimsyjo]

That's extremely true. Haha love that you added "occassionly" 😄

[Enes38]

Because literally no one wants a good person, excuses are ready, you are boring etc etc.

[Enes38]

You carry it on your back for forty years, it complains the moment you let go.

[Crimsyjo]

I know I know.
But... I'm a good person. I don't condone cheating. I want one guy to give both my good side and naughty side to. I want (and give) commitment and loyalty but also can be fun and spontaneous and open to ideas. Open to improving and growing to be a better person.
I just want the same from a guy. I know they are out there I just can't find them because my sexual naughty side makes guys think I'm not gonna be committed or loyal (I presume) and so i attract players.
And where are good guys? Not on tinder lol. Mostly either living their lives or too afraid of bad women to wanna try finding a good one...

[Enes38]

I don't know, men complain, women complain, but for some reason no one can find someone who is their equal, so I guess we will always be alone. I hope you find someone like you want.

[Enes38]

I'm sorry, I don't speak much English. I'm writing via Google Translate. If you knew Turkish, I could say nice words.

[Crimsyjo]

Google çeviri iyi bir iş çıkarıyor. Sorularıma verdiğiniz yanıtlar için de teşekkür ederim.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha how did my Google translate do? And you are right. We all look for our equal but so hard to find! Have to keep on trying though right?

[Enes38]

I would like to thank you for your tolerance. Without knowing you, I can say that you are a good person, but even the most precious metal is valuable if it is made by a master.

[Enes38]

Of course, no matter what, love is a beautiful thing.

[msc545]

Women don't want good men. They want bad boys.

[Crimsyjo]

Not arguing with that. But isn't that like saying men don't want the wife. They want the whore?
And probably boils down to same thing. We want a good man/woman but one who is not boring. Humans crave change and excitement yet also stability.
If you can find that one person who can do both... that's the big win we looking for!

[SkatPak392]

Women declared war against men. we are just responding as such. if we need to get violent, then it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Just going to leave this here.

[noohair]

Ships passing in the night. I try not to complain, I just try to fix myself.

[nawtee_me]

I hope you feel better soon, have a wonderful day….

[Anonymous]

Because Good Women are not Attracted to Good Men.

Confidence, Masculinity and Status does not make a Man Good.

[Danisa]

Too much talking, not enough looking.

[katiesmuff]

That is a pretty good question

[NathanDavis]

Karens and Kevins... lol

[Dongie]

I don't know.
I don't care.

[Crimsyjo]

Don't know? don't care? don't answer 😄

[Dongie]

Mine was just a silly answer to a silly question. It was born on this, just a silly day.

[CubaPirate]

They just haven't looked properly

[Crimsyjo]

I'm looking! Maybe not in the right places any suggestions?

[CubaPirate]

The local supermarket look for guys with meals for one in their trolleys

[Crimsyjo]

Haha and then if I like him? Follow him around and que up behind him at check out? Hope he wants to say hello?

[CubaPirate]

Why the hell not lol

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Those people are not good to begin with.