Online dating: Ugly girl doesn't get any messages despite perfect paragraph and photos. Is it abusive to tell her she's just not writing clear enough?

[Bethany22]

Does it really mean that she needs to continue fumbling along trying to come up with something better to say, or come up with better pictures, or can she use the lack of attention to decide that dating isn't for her, whereby it would be abusive for anyone to tell her that she just needs to keep trying different profile strategies?

She wrote a paragraph showing how she has hobbies outside of him, and that she doesn't need much money to be happy. Isn't that what all men hope for?

It's abusive to tell ugly women that they simply need to re-write their profile/add different pictures

It's not abusive, because ugly women MIGHT have better luck if only they improved their profile

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I don't think so. She needs to give less detail and cut her bio/write-up in half at least. Get rid of the "has hobbies/don't need much money". It sounds desperate. Just list the top three hobbies or interests and a short sentence saying why she likes to do it. It's likely way too long.

She could get a friend with good photography skills to take pics of her doing stuff, especially outside. Most people take horrible pics to post online, especially selfies. Tell her no selfies allowed, unless someone helps set up the shot. Here's a quick insight about selfies: They distort the face and make everyone's nose bigger than it is IRL. Selfies tend to exaggerate what's there, and filters can only do so much to fix it.

Instead of a selfie, have her sit by a window on a sofa or at a table with natural light from the window (not direct sunlight). Take a big piece of white poster board and put it on a chair to reflect more light on the darker side. For the pose, have her practice in the mirror bringing her face forward slightly and turning or tilting it a bit when she poses. This defines the jawline, but it has to be just a little or it looks strained.

I assume she must really be ugly to not get any messages. In my experience, everyone has some kind of beauty. It's a matter of showcasing it. We can't do much about an ugly face, but if she is overweight, she can fix that. I've seen some women who are overweight, but they have such pretty faces. If they would only invest in their health and fitness, they'd be stunning. It's tragic.

There is one other thing, though. She could try contacting the website and tell them she isn't getting matches. There is a possibility her profile isn't showing up for guys to see. That does occasionally happen.

Hopefully this helps!

[DishLady]

Pepper’s always right on the money!!!

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@DishLady Right back at you, Miss Dish! Thanks. :)

[DishLady]

No, it's not abusive to kindly suggest that she revamp her description. A relative recently decided to post a profile description on a zillion dating apps. (Ok, hyperbolic "zillion" to mean too many for me to keep track of.) Anyway, her profile was MISERABLE because she sounded like a very buttoned up old woman when she was actually just 34/35. A bunch of us suggested a better photo and shorter description and... dragging her through the edits kicking and screaming... she finally started getting a few interested guys.

(Of course now we have to coach her on how to date bc she doesn't know the etiquette there... but that's another story for another day.)

[Universaldance]

I see some of the most intellectual girls on the dating apps with incredibly written bios but Im never as physically attracted to them so I never swipe. And every once in a while I do just to chat. Actually dated a great girl back in the meetme/kik/oovoo/Skype days. I do still miss her sweet and silly country aura


However, I do see a few of these ‘intellectual’ or ‘antisocial’ girl at the gym every now and then and always love to see it. I just want to squeeze a hug out of them to let them know there will come a prince to court/rescue her from any dragons she’s got in her life or maybe she’s way up there in a tower of insecurities and she’s been working her way down. But the courage alone for them to sign up and go to work on certain areas they can actually control and get in there is attractive to me and if one ever crosses my path expressing enough interest to me I’d prob be drawn in to wife them up


And I do agree with a gentleman below that dating apps will probably not cut it unless dating apps get revamped into an omegle type dynamic where theyre thrown right into the abyss with a random that might match hit it off with them. I used to do this on meetme, oovoo, gifboom, and kik back in those days where I had some solid LDRs… but I was a teenage boy with lots of you know what

[Bethany22]

Thank you 🙏😊

[Universaldance]

is there a bio you’re working on 🤔

[sawno]

In these situations I always try and sidestep the subject. You don't want to shatter someone by telling them nobody is interested in them because of looks but the whole bio thing is a cope and dishonest.

Ugly girls have an incredibly hard time on dating apps because ultimately they are looks based. I think the better advice for them is to try something different if dating apps didn't work.

[AviatorTom]

She might appreciate the advice, or she might not. No harm in trying, but please be sure to word it as suggested advice, don't "tell" her anything.

[Crimsyjo]

It's not abuse either way. It's just an opinion. And whether it works or not is pot luck. It's unfair to presume that everyone will think she's ugly too. That also is just an opinion and even if majority of people share that opinion it's not to say everyone will and that she shouldn't try.

Best thing to do would be to help her do the best she can for her profile whilst also taking her out or advising her to get out and about cos in real life personality can go a long way of winning someone over compared to online dating which is extremely visual and first impression orientated.

[4ngelic]

"hobbies outside of him" so a cheating ugly woman huh?

anyways it's not abusive. they're saying that cos they dont want to be hurtful. so instead they just dance around the issue. though dont think people who are just a bit unattractive facially or fat should give up dating unless they look truly like horrible. they can still find someone if they look for people their own level. average looking and especially attractive people will never ever date them, but ugly people yes.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Abuse is not always clear cut. If someone is offering help that perhaps you don't feel is helping, does that make it abuse? or just poor advice? I would have to say poor advice.
Abuse for me, is when you get someone deliberately setting out to upset another human being. It's uncalled for and I don't like to see it happen to anyone!

[RavVid]

I have only met 3 truly ugly - don't want to look at them ugly - women. Possibly developing make up skills might be the better suggestion.

If she is greatly struggling having "I'm an anybodies when I'm drunk" in her profile should work.

[Booklover_90]

Please understand that many men on dating apps are looking for sex or “something casual.” Your dating profile could be immaculate but, it wouldn’t matter. Most men don’t have the patience to read through it. For most, their question is “are we going to hook up or what?”

[Crimsyjo]

Sadly this!! Although i do know 100% that not ALL guys are only looking for hook up. But they get distracted by all the easy options...

[DrPepper12]

"Only a true friend will tell you when there is dirt on your face"

"One cannot avoid offense if one is to be honest"

[HawkPerception]

If she has a perfect profile description and perfect photos as you say, then there's no constructive criticsm to be said, in which case I'd say it's probably better to say nothing at all.

[Skinhead-1979]

I don't think it is abusive... You are trying to be helpful and you are honest.

There's of course still the chance that she won't appreciate it, but that has nothing to do with you.

[Kelley1]

Fat and ugly women receive attention from 25% of men because simps will accept anyone. However, pretty women get attention from close to 100% of men.

[FunkyMonkee]

How could that be abusive? You're just advising her on how to write her profile. If it was abusive, you'd probably start out by saying something like, "Look, you stupid ugly bitch...". You didn't start out that way, did you?

[katiesmuff]

I think it's wrong to use "ugly" because that is something each person feels about something. What you find ugly I might find nice looking.

[Jennz6]

I’m not sure @Bethany22 what you’re talking about because you are not only beautiful but very intelligent. I’m sure that you are getting lots of messages and attention from the guys.

[LiamJHayden]

Online dating can be a meat market, where only the best looking gets chosen.

[Crimsyjo]

It's like a take away for sex. Just look at the options and pick the tastiest meal lol

[Makeushiver]

I can't imagine anyone finding you repulsive.

[MrGSpotHer]

It depends do I actually know this person or is it someone I see on the site and I tell them this?

[Bethany22]

Someone you know

[MrGSpotHer]

I'm always honest but I don't often agree with negative things most of the time it's not correct at all 😕

[Anonymous]

It's not abusive, because ugly women MIGHT have better luck if only they improved their profile
100%

[urban_garlic]

*Is it abusive to tell her she's just not writing clearly enough

[Anonymous]

I think you should rewrite your profile. There I said it.

[ehatsham_hussain]

I don't know , but at least you are not ugly

[Anonymous]

It is disrespectful, not abusive.