Why do so many women stay with abusive men?

[ManHater]

What's wrong with these women? They love abuse? They stick with men who turn their lives to shit? I swear I have lost count on the amount of women stuck with miserable men who treat them like shit! What's the deal? It seems like women love the abuse! I'm a guy I'm trying to understand what is wrong with these women who love abusive relationships!

It's no wonder women can't get anywhere they always let men step on them at every step of the way and they still continue to come back for more! How many times does it take for a woman to realize she wasted so much of her life with the wrong man!

Honestly ladies for those who woke up to see the truth what was the tipping point for you to say enough was enough and what is the most single greatest advice for women who are looking for a way out of their captors chains!

[Anonymous]

I thankfully have never been in an abusive relationship, but I've been around 3 friends who have, all who thankfully are now out of them, and I can tell you, they definitely did not "enjoy the abuse."

For one, it's not as simple as walk out the door. In the case of one friend, he was not only threatening and acting on abuse with her, but he was physically beating the crap out of their kids as "punishment" for her trying to leave. Imagine watching your kids scream and cry and be beat down because "you want to leave." It's how they keep some of these women "in check." These guys will show up at your job, your children's school, they will threaten to take your kids, threaten you with blackmail, threaten to post pictures of you, call all day and night long until you answer them, and they are NOT scared of the police. One co-worker going through this, ignored her boyfriends 7 calls, and he showed up with a crow bar, even though we called the police, he didn't leave, and the next day she called out and was out for 3 days because he'd split her head open.

And before you launch into the police will help you, you have no clue how useless they can be sometimes. He can threaten you ten times, but with no evidence, no proof, no marks, they can't do crap. He can stand outside your job and look menacing, but he's not doing anything, so they can't do anything. You can leave and run, but if you don't have the financial means, because he's made sure all the credit cards and the money can't be taken out of the bank account, where do you go?

Honestly before you judge them as just being stupid and loving the abuse because they stay, you should talk to some of these women and really understand what it's like in those situations. I had no clue, literally no clue, the majority of this was happening to friends, because they showed up at the Christmas party, smiles on face, kids wearing long sleeves, they showed up like happy families, because they were scared for themselves and their families.

[Damaged00]

If you are constantly hearing a woman saying she is getting abused then trust me she really isn't and it's her playing the victim card and looking for sympathy. People who are actually getting abused don't even realize it's happening and once they do they aren't out in the world advertising it. They feel ashamed for the reasons they can't leave. They know it is wrong and that leaving would be best. But real abusers do everything and anything to make it that much more difficult for someone to leave. They love control and power. They are truly evil and capable of unspeakable things. And trust me the people who truly get abused try to leave and worse things happen. It's not black and white. It's easier to say what you would do if you've never experienced it.

Research it. Especially narcissistic abuse. Look at how the brain is effected in the abused. It's trauma. Only those who've truly been abused will understand and have empathy for the ones who stay.

And it's not an ah ha moment or a last straw abuse that gets them to finally leave. It's when they having nothing left to lose, nothing left to be destroyed that they are able to leave.

[Keyboardkat]

Because they have poor self-esteem and they think they don't deserve better, or couldn't get anyone better. I once knew a woman whose husband hit her and she said, in an ice-cold voice, "If you ever hit me again, don't go to sleep, because I'll kill you in your sleep!" He never hit her again, but they're divorced now for many years. Many years later he called her just to ask forgiveness. I don't know if she gave it to him. By the way, there's no reason for you to hate all men. Not all guys are like this. I've been married 52 years, and I've NEVER laid a hand on my wife to hurt her, and I never would.
Abuse isn't love! The psychology of guys who abuse women is, they think so little of themselves that they just can't believe any woman would stay with them willingly, so they think they have to control the woman. That's how they come to start trying to isolate the wife, to control whether or when she can see her friends or relatives, etc.

[Anonymous]

In a few words "they're not very smart". Women are slaves to thier emotions. When a woman doesn't properly vet a guy and bonds with a loser. Rather than own her mistake a lot of times she goes the other direction and doubles down on it. Her bond with the guy makes it harder for her to extricate herself from the bag of 💩 she finds herself in and instead she tries to convince herself, "He just loves me in his own special way". Or she blames herself, "well I set him off" or probably the most foolish of all "I can change him".

[Account]

It is not easy to leave. It is not as easy as you make it out to be, the system fails them and people around them fail them when they seek support.
Not everyone is blessed to have supportive people around them. Not everyone is blessed to have a loving and supportive family that many of us privileged people take for granted.
Also it is not that easy when they are not financially stable to do so or if they have created a family.

I repeat, it is not easy for them to leave.

[grega239]

How does the system fail them? Womens shelters are everywhere.

[DishLady]

Some aren’t strong minded enough to get away.


Some don’t have the resources to get away.


Some have children with the guy and feel trapped.


Having said this… and having escaped a very abusive situation… I believe there’s no reason to make excuses to stay… and being a victim for a time doesn’t justify playing the victim for life. Get up, get moving, get past it.

[Skinhead-1979]

For the same reason men stay with abusive women; you are trapped, in a prison without bars, walls and a massive thick door.

You have to have had gone through this yourself to fully understand...

I've been trapped for 14 years (3 years grooming + 11 years 'relationship'), and truth be said... I am still trapped.

Hence why 'Spiderwebs' feature on my body; a Spiderweb tattoo symbolises "Trapped"

[DextroShade]

Because abusive assholes give them the tingles and nice guts are "weird" and "boring". Considering that convicted murderers are often flooded with love letters from women it makes sense why for most of human history women weren't allowed to choose their own partners and arranged marriage was the norm.

[MicahRaine]

For the same reasons that men stay with abusive women.

They feel powerless to leave, powerless to survive IF they leave, and /or as if they can't find someone else.

[DrPepper12]

Kids
Finances
No support system
Medical insurance
Shared assets
Linited job prospects

Lots of good reasons!

[Twalli]

They don't see themselves in one.
They're really a good guy, but he just lost control and hit me that time. It wasn't really his fault and he feels terrible about it.
I was being bitchy and he spoke to me firmly to put me in my place.

[Radiate143]

You're probably the kind of guy who blames an abused woman that actually leaves for not picking better.

[purplepoppy]

Because they're idiots who think any partner is better than no partner.

[HelpfulWoman]

whoo for not understanding rather basic concepts with abusers...
but also some are dumb.

[OddBeMe]

Well it’s hard to judge from the outside. But there are people who are meek and seek out domineering partners. Probably in equal numbers men and women.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

They haven't found something better, to "rescue them", and think that it's what they deserve

[jahaims]

They grew up with trauma so it comforts there brain to be in similar traumatic situations

[Agape93]

Fear, from personal experience.

[CubaPirate]

Fear and control