Why people stay in abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

Like my bfs ex broke his finger

They had fights with her attacking him amd he leaving her then she coming back crying amd he accepted her

Why he did that? why in general people this is love and its passion? how can this be passion and why people dont leave when other person hurts them?

Updates

+1 y

Also he was punching walls and i asked why
He said "to not punch her"
Is it even normal

[AaronKrieger]

On paper, most problems are straight forward like that, yet they never are not treated that way by most of us in real life. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I can imagine why it's hard to leave because of the manipulation involved. Look up even on reddit about this and you'll read people's experiences explaining why psychologically they stayed.

[Asker]

Where to read? have any link?
. my boyfriend had abusive past

[AaronKrieger]

Here's one, but I would google "reddit why did you stay in an abusive relationship" as you'lll find many about the topic.
www.reddit.com/.../

[Asker]

Great

[Anonymous]

Leaving isn't always as easy as people believe it is. There have been so many women who have tried to leave and they ended up being murdered. It's even harder If you have kids with this person.

I was in an abusive relationship and it messed with my head that I really could not think straight either. It didn't help that I grew up in a not so good family life, where there was some abuse involved. I genuinely believed this was normal. It's only now in my late 30's I see what is healthy and what isn't healthy.

[Asker]

I grew up in a healthy family and happy
My boyfriend was a problematic one before meeting me
Im not used to his behaviour
More thsn once saw him punch a door becsude he hit himself on it by accident
He had true rage on his face... its a door
Its not normal is it

[Opinion Owner]

Normally if you grow up in a healthy environment you can see early on this behaviour is not okay. If you grow up in an environment where your whole life all you saw was abuse, your lead to believe this is normal.

I remember the days when my cousin was beaten black and blue but she wasn't able to escape the abuse for 20 years. Why? Because the guy she was with threatened to harm her kids and this guy was not the biological father of her kids. He even tried setting her on fire.

It makes it hard to escape when a lot of judges let the ones who are guilty of abuse out on bail or parole either. Where I live.

[Asker]

But my problem is... i sense he was abusive in the past
But he doesn't act abusive now with me
Is it because he changed and now better person with Me, because of me
Or he just a really good actor?

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you been together for?

[Asker]

2.6 years

[Asker]

Live separate

[Opinion Owner]

If it's been 2.5 years and he hasn't been abusive towards you, maybe he has been working towards changing. It's possible he is receiving counselling. Abusers never go more than a year without abusing someone.

I re-read what you wrote and honestly I don't think he himself was abusive. Yes he might have punched the wall but this might have been out of anger and frustration towards his ex who was abusing him

[Asker]

I dont understand him
When he is in bad mood or stressed or angry
He ignores me whole day even being online on whats he doesn't answer me
I dont know what to think

[Asker]

But wait a sec... you know i now remmeber smth
Once he was angry that i came into his house without telling him it before
He grabbed my neck, just grabbing it no preassure
And 2 years before that, when he was still flirting he once simulated spanking my face but did it in front of me
Slapping air...
Then he would caress my back from neck to butt, my whole spine, with his finger
Also he once pushed a chair at me because i refused to give him a hug
(We used to work together)
He used to grab me by my belt pulling me towards him, grab my wrists too...
Once slapped my back so hard it hurt me bad i even confronted him saying it was hurtful, why you even do that
Thats some random stuff i remembered he did during his era of "flirting" - hitting hard on me and i insulted and rejected him

[kylee2437]

Because ending up in a toxic relationship to begin with has to do with that is psychological and deep rooted to the point where staying in that abusive relationship sounds a lot better than just becoming their own individual selves again. Been there, done that.

[Asker]

I could never stay if my boyfriend hurts me
doesn't make sense
He was punching walls to avoid punching her
Thats not normal
I've never seen him aggressive with me
So im confused
Is he good actor? am i in danger?

[kylee2437]

@asker it’s easier said than done, I used to say the same until I was faced with the problem myself. A guy that is physically abusive was once mentally abusive and exes out everyone around you so he can abuse you physically.

My personal advice is IF you see anything physical between them call the police, however do not involve yourself if you haven’t witnessed anything

[Asker]

No its smth he told me
It was 6 years ago
Now he dates me

[jahaims]

They have trauma and their brain finds comfort in toxic environments