Girls, Why do women stay with abusive men?

[raw_is_war99]

[aintnocandle]

Ever heard that example of the boiling frog?
“The boiling frog is a fable describing a frog being slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death.”

That’s what it can sometimes be like. Spoken from experience... I used to read or watch movies or see other girls in abusive relationships and it was so obvious to me and I couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t leave... until I was them. I have so many excuses and refused to see the signs because I believed he didn’t want to be that way and it wasn’t really him. And of course I figured I could help him.. until one day it hit me as we were laying on his bed after one of his “moments” and I realized I could never lay in his bed again. It has been 2 years and I am very happy to be out and never wish to speak or see the guy again. I don’t wish him ill but he was a mess and it took me awhile to not blame myself.

[aintnocandle]

I had* sorry on mah phone.

I wasn’t dependent on him for anything but I just didn’t want to give up on him. I felt really bad for the guy because I knew he was in a lot of mental anguish. But I realized I couldn’t sacrifice myself for him.

[raw_is_war99]

Yeah, you can't it's not your job. If a girl is helping a guy she's with more than his own parents then something is up.

[aintnocandle]

That was the problem. His parents were so absent. He had no one. Even his friends couldn’t take it anymore. He ended up homeless a year after our breakup but now he must be ok with his mom because he’s back home. Hope he figures it out.

[raw_is_war99]

That's rough. I think that's the problem with society today, we are going after people for the wrong reasons. Some people are so broken inside they need someone in their life. Some people come from an unfortunate family upbringing and they think being with someone is the ultimate solution. Some people want to seek others of this wealthier life style. I'm different though, no family home is perfect and I haven't seen eye to eye with my dad for years but I'm in my 30s, I'm saving money towards a future, I'm watching videos how to be a proper dad/husband, I'm looking for a girl who will eventually be ready for wedding in a year or two, I cook/clean/pay my own bills so a girl doesn't have to worry I am some mamma's boy. Most importantly I don't want to smother the girl I am with where every waking moment she needs to be around me so I have validation or purpose in life. It's a balanced life style in my opinion. I have to understand life won't be perfect, but I don't want to dump by baggage on others. To be honest, social media is toxic AF, I prefer living a quiet, modest life style, small group of genuine friends and that's it.

[aintnocandle]

Is that a CHYNA profile pic? She’s my queen 🥺 you seem so cool and genuine ❤️ And it’s so great you’re trying and learning. I agree with all you wrote. It’s hard to find others like this. I too hate social media and just want to live a life similar to how you described. So thank you for showing me there’s hope to meet others similar. Lately it has been a struggle forming genuine relationships.

[raw_is_war99]

Yeah, that's Chyna lol, I was a wrestling fan growing up and she stood out to me because she was different and unique in her own right. I actually chatted with her through DM's on Twitter from 2013-2016. I spoke to her a week before she passed away and the last thing she told me was she'd prefer voting for Bernie Sanders because she didn't like Trump's behaviour and believed with him as president it would be worse for America, I still have my tweets from her saved in my email. I was going to meet her in Toronto but she passed away unfortunately. But I do appreciate it, I am not perfect though I am still learning. I have 3 older sisters so I understand if I take that next step marrying a girl one day I have to be mindful and respect her family as well. Not everyone is going to see eye to eye with each other, just gotta try to be civil and not take things too personal what others say. For example, I am fairly opinionated about political topics but when I sit in a room full of men that are my family members I don't want to say much because I don't want to start something. But I added ya so you can message me on there if you want.

[Anonymous]

I was in a very abusive relationship for a long long time and first it was that I didn’t think I could do it financially alone and I was scared to go it alone. Once I realised I was financially stable (the idiot got his own place he never used, to make a point to me that he could leave any time then stopped contributing so I realised I didn’t need his money) he just wouldn’t leave me alone. I couldn’t cut all ties and vanish I didn’t want to cut my family out and move away from the area so he always found me! Sometimes it was easier to let him remain with me rather than kick up a fuss to get rid of him as that would only aggravate him. The police were also no use in the end I dated a guy that exposed his behaviour to his inner circle of friends now I am free.
Part of the abuse is mental they make you believe you can’t be alone they bring your self worth down to nothing so you think you need them to survive. I see so many women in that situation and I pity them. You can’t help them they have to do it alone but when they do cut free it’s a beautiful thing to watch!

[raw_is_war99]

But that's what I don't get, let's say a girl is 24 years old, she lived a life by being independent, doing her own thing, has a job, got a university degree, paid her own bills I am really surprised that her heart takes over her senses about a guy. I'm still single in my 30s, granted I was immature in my teen years and early 20s but I think I have changed for the better. Now when I try to get closer to a girl, truth is, she will most likely put a barrier in front of her. Some will assume I just want sex, some will think im just like all guys. I've asked girls why do you think this way? Some girls have told me because i've been abused. I do feel bad and I understand she has to be on guard if she dealt with numerous who acted stupid. But one thing about me when it comes to abuse I fear the system of going to jail, but I also fear God. If I was with a girl that's a big deal for me, that someone chose me to be apart of their life so I have responsibility on my end how I behave and act. Sounds great on screen but it has to be applied in life. Some guys are used to being in a relationship since they were 15 years old with different girls every year so they don't value how he treats her.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s a very mentally complex situation. I was brought up with abusive parents but was always taught it was me who was in the wrong. It wasn’t until I began to break free from my abusive partner and got therapy I saw it wasn’t me. My whole life I believed I was different to everyone else, more unworthy than everyone because it’s what I’d been told. And it took a lot of work to make me see I was worthy.

You don’t just get in a relationship and it’s automatically abusive either they are this amazing guy at the start then something happens in their life and the abuse begins. You don’t automatically get a full beating either it almost always starts mentally to bring your self worth down then it’s gradual from there.

Now when these guys are good they are amazing so the woman always believes the amazing guy will come back! And they do for brief periods like after a fight or when they feel you are pulling away. They promise to change and cos you saw the amazing side you think it will come back.

It’s a very complex attachment only those that have suffered with can understand. Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? It’s a similar thing to that. They break you then fix you and they lower your self worth.

[raw_is_war99]

Honestly, it's an act. I know guys who have temper problems or anger issues or control issues to the point where some guys I used to talk to would get mad at me because Im busy or I can't pick up the phone. Meanwhile, if I called them they wouldn't answer. Some of these guys would say "Brooo, I dont know why Im single Im such a nice guy". I'm like if you were a nice guy you wouldn't constantly bash others. To point out your comment, it's tough when people are born in a house hold with abuse, be it physical or mental or both. I mentioned to another girl on this post, there is something embedded inside of everyone of us and we are all hurting in some way. That's why GAG and social media and other stuff is toxic. Because it's easy to lash out reading an offensive comment that someone posted, and I admit i've done it before but that's only because I can't stand racism for example but i've also learned I can't change an ignorant person who is a racist. Now i'm less opinionated on Twitter, I don't need the headache for that toxic BS. Guys/men for example who harbour that much hatred want to show how nice/sweet he is and you are right, in the beginning its awesome, later on ahhh not so much.

[raw_is_war99]

I know if I meet a girl one day it be very special in the beginning, then bills and more responsibilities could affect that chemistry I have with her. If I am with a girl and I am serious when I say this, I don't want that younger vibrant side of me to die inside. If I had a building relationship tradition of going to the movie theatre at least one Friday every month or going to the ice cream shop and just chilling on the bench enjoying it, those little things I don't want to diminish. Relationships will never be perfect, but at the same I think differently. I don't want to chase this world with it's worldly riches and I don't want to be on social media I admit as a guy using IG I will get suggestions on my feed of beautiful girls. I know even in a relationship, wandering eyes can lead to a girl feeling unappreciated and I would never want a girl im with to feel that way.

[Opinion Owner]

They find out it’s an act in the end but they need to find it out on their own. I have had friends in abusive situations and the spout the same rubbish “you don’t know what we have” or even better “you don’t understand real love” and “what we have is different to that though” I tend to distance myself from women suffering abuse because they don’t see until they are ready to see.

I always thought things were special in the beginning and then they fade but then I met my current one. We’ve been together 2 years and normally my relationships are about just surviving but this one is not. He puts me first and adores me always. He always keeps the ✨ sparkle.

I think you need to research into abuse if you want to learn about it. It’s not quite how you are thinking it is. Domestic abuse is a very real thing that’s in itself is complex. Like I said there’s no dampening it down to someone who has suffered it as it is a very painful experience

[raw_is_war99]

I put my trust in God and I can't rant about my life but I am proud of myself that I am a virgin, I rejected one night stands with attractive girls, I cut out bad guy friends out of my life, I'm working towards my masters, help my parents, pursuing a career. I know I have a caring, loving side, I don't need to research this stuff unless I had the issue but what guy would post a question "why do girls stay in abusive relationships" if he abusive. Unless you meant research why Women stay in those relationships but I know the gist of is because of some traumatic experience and herself self esteem is destroyed. But I don't want to do research on it, there's enough in this world that could lead to another World War or Great Depression and I can't study the abusive side of a relationship. Maybe if I was a psychiatrist or psychologist I would part of my PhD studies. But I've always tried to be honest and patient with girls with a tougher past. I won't view a girl who's had a rough life as damaged goods. But If Im willing to listen and warm up to her, she can't keep being cold. Because after a while even as a guy, guys get tired of waiting. I took 3 years trying to do that and it was such a waste of time where even my mom said, listen don't waste so many months of a girl. Some people will never change from mental or physical abuse and they will harbour those feelings to their grave.

[DollAlone]

I stayed with an abusive guy for years because i was put into a position where i became financially dependent on him (he made me quit my "mediocre" job). Also he was very good with our kids and never hurt them and my friends & family all thought he was a great guy. He had a sneaky way of making me look like the crazy one and as if i had a drinking problem. When i would catch him cheating and lying i would get beat. Then he would buy me expensive gifts to "shut ne up". I felt like i would be stupid for uprooting the kids with no where to go when we had a nice place to live and nice things etc. I finally left after my daughter who was 9 at the time heard him beating me in the hallway and he tried saying it was ME abusing HIM... Even though i was the one bruised and scratched. So thats when i finally left.

[Anonymous]

I can answer this bc I’ve been there. They aren’t always abusive. They will literally cry and beg at your feet. Tell you how they lost control bc they love you so much they don’t know how to handle it. They make up stories of abusive childhoods and suffer from mental illness. They beg u to stay to help them. Most women are nurturers and empathetic. We want to be needed we want to care for those we love and I guess it has to do a little with eco but we want to save them. Most of the time it’s all bs. It’s manipulation. One day they find their next victim and you see their true colors. After enduring abuse for years and trying to leave n having them beg u to stay they toss u aside like garbage. When you try to talk about it they act they u are some insane crazy person lol. Until you realized u were fooled for years. Nothing was real. Accept defeat and move on.

[raw_is_war99]

I mentioned this earlier to another girl in the comments but I think what people have to realize is there are many kids who get abused by their parents or siblings. Add bad friends, poor grades, rejection and etc and it can make someone quite bitter in life. Speaking as a guy, I think girls should take it seriously if a guy is abused during his childhood. I don't know this guy you mentioned maybe he was or maybe he wasn't. But regardless, guys/men can't use their past to manipulate a girl or a woman, vice versa as well. I know a guy I used to talk to and he told me about how his dad was rough with him and as he got older his outlet to cope with the anger was drinking. I don't drink, I never have, so one day he calls me and says let me pick you up i'm bored I drank a few beers. I'm like no thanks, if you're buzzed just stay home and relax. He was like nah nah man I'm good let's meet.

[raw_is_war99]

Long story short he gets mad at me because God forbid an accident might occur and I can tell by the way he was talking it was not in a coherent manner. Few weeks later he brought up a story about his dad dragging him on the floor where he hit his head on the bedroom post, and about how the love of his life broke his heart and other things what started off small became a huge ball of pent up anger. Then he tells me you know what if I marry a girl I have to in life (parents decision) I'm going to abuse her. He flat out told me, I tried to talk some sense into him and say, is that normal dude? Would you want someone abusing you? Eventually I distanced myself away from him. I guess I can understand why girls are very hesitant now a days dating guys because the guy might be obsessive or a psycho. My only gripe about it is that as a single guy I shouldn't be held accountable for another dude's mistakes. I live in a vanilla life style, I've become more patient in life and being a believer in God I understand the concept of life and death and that people come and go out of your life and you can't control it so people have to let go. Problem is, people don't let go so they harbour feelings of resentment or anger inside of them for years and this goes for males and females, its not just a "male issue".

[Anonymous]

They're Simps or codependent. There was one bitch who was jealous of me and other girls. She will be as sharp as a knife in front of us but will happily get abused by a guy who wanted to keep the relationship hidden. He will insult her, pull her hair but she won't leave because she was afraid of being alone. She had other close female friends who will happily hang out but still this bitch chose to get abused. Why? Because she was getting a dick and showing off to people! Karma slapped her hard when she tried to exclude me and then next day got terribly treated by her crush in front of me!!

[Opinion Owner]

Also most women don't value friendships. They love betraying and competing against their own girl buddies but will happily feed on shoes if her man says so. Insecurity is the reason. It is the same insecurity that causes them to lick their boyfriend/husband's feets.
So yeah I have zero sympathy for a woman who gets abused UNLESS she is equally loving for the same gender.

[raw_is_war99]

I get what your saying but if you had a girl friend who genuinely went to you after breaking up with a guy and said, "I fucked up, will you accept my apology" even if things dont get back to normal. If the apology is sincere even in friendships then I think we should accept or forgive others. But the stories you mentioned I know similar incidents as well. I know a guy who was infatuated with a girl, but he was temperamental and she was a woman in her late 30s, divorced and looking for fun. It ended on a very sour note and what happened, he called me after ghosting me with this woman. Oddly enough this woman is someone I know who I worked with at a bank, we all worked with each other. This woman tried to hit on me and said I should break the rules and blah blah blah. I told her Im not that kind of guy and I warned this guy don't deal with her. He didn't listen and when the company (the bank) found out about the verbal spats at work between him and the woman eventually they both got fired.

[Opinion Owner]

Woah. Yes you can forgive them as long as they didn't humiliated you on purpose or sidetracked you due to jealousy. Wow having affairs in the same work place is as dangerous as sending nudes.

[raw_is_war99]

I would never want to date a girl I worked with, if it didn’t end well and she felt heart broken then I know my job isn’t safe. I could tell a girl I don’t think this will work out let’s just be friends. Some girls will get mad and try to tell others he was an asshole. There’s one girl I know who I dated and knowing her history and past she liked me she cared about me but she had a very odd request to vent her anger about her past :- lol

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh the last line.. logically speaking, it wasn't odd, but immature BUT if I speak from empathetic point of view then I know why she made that request. She lacked love and didn't felt secure in her past relationships, be it parents or partner or friends. She was let down and betrayed. Her emotions weren't valued and no one really asked her how she was...

[raw_is_war99]

Nah I had like baseball gear of my cleets and jersey on the floor and saw my protective cup and she's like... if you wore that and I kicked you would you feel it? Im like why? She's like because I have some pent up aggression towards guys and I just want to... I was younger in my 20s when I agreed to this, and she kicked me even when I wore that shit and I still dropped on the ground. I looked up at her and said, you really owe me for that one, and she started giggling and placed her hands over her face.

[raw_is_war99]

Sorry too much info of what I stated above

[jennifer_bloom]

I think people who are not secure in who they are or lack confidence in their abilities and knowledge of their self value will cling to the dominance and control of others because they are desperate for guidance and others might be more afraid of social isolation or boredom then they are of being abused, more people have attempted suicide out of fear than out of pain.

[Azura_88]

Even I wasn't secure in who I was when I was a teenager. But that doesn't mean I'll allow anyone to treat me rudely. I would snap back and leave them immediate.

[menina]

Sometimes they're afraid of ending the relationship because they know the guy is going to have a bad reaction. Other times it's because they have low self-esteem. In some cases it's the fear of being alone, being single. And sometimes it's because they have kids and don't want the kids to be away from their father.
Either way, it's a sad situation and it's very common.

[kaylaS91]

Most men who are abusive do so by being extremely manipulative.
So they'll often spin a web of lies that makes their partner believe that the abuse is justified and almost deserved. That that's what a healthy relationship should look like and if it doesn't.. it's the woman's fault.

Hence why many women who were in abusive relationships stay quiet- at the time, they were manipulated into thinking that's the norm or if they speak up, they'll 'hurt' the man they were in love with.

[Flower7]

Stupidity in my opinion. It really makes me angry when someone is being physically hurt but still stays in the “relationship”. Often, they even make excuses for the person.

When I was a child, my next door neighbor got beaten up by her husband on a regular basis. She would call the police and he would be arrested. But then she would go to the jail, pay his bail, and bring him back home again. And the process would start all over again.

[cloudspy]

I think there is very complex psychology involved with this. I liken it to being addicted to a drug. Just hard to break the habit. I don't think it has anything to do with love personally. Also maybe they are scared to leave, lack confidence, have low self worth, lack their own means of financial security. Very sad situation.

[DizzyDesii]

Unless he has the
—money to outlawyer you
—proof to get sole custody of your kids
—tech to track you down nonstop
, then it makes no sense to stick around. Record the violent conversations, make sure others see your bruises, ask for help, draw up an escape plan, keep a secret stash, and Take an object and beat tf outta him in return until you can make a run for it while he's temporarily down

[Anonymous]

It's depends on the girl and her situation.

Some girls fall for a guy and become dependent on that love and relationship that when a guy turns on them they are in shock and think it was just because () they become weak because of guys will be great and then not. This is especially true if the guy groomed her at a early age or she is inexperienced in relationships or has self esteem issues.

Some girls blame themselves at this point the shock and trauma puts them in a physiological cycle.

For other women the abuse is shown after kids and marriage and they are usually stay at home moms reliant on their husband.

It's the same reason why women stay with emotionally unavailable men and men who are no good for them. They believe they can be changed or will change.

[cryscrys1]

Because they are mentally ill
Or
Because of their culture it’s one this 2
I know a girl who because of her culture she doesn’t
want to divorce because she has to speak with her family and his family first! Her husband is abusive.

[raw_is_war99]

I think it’s more toxic for a woman to stay with the husband because the kids may pick up the bad habits.

[cryscrys1]

Yes that’s true. And the kids might grow up feeling scared lost it might affect them later when they grow up. I don’t understand why would a man be abusive kids look up to them as a hero and the wife too scared to leave due to a brainwashing fake man made culture.. ugh

[raw_is_war99]

I think that’s another problem to we chase perfection, so many times I hear of people getting divorce when it seemed like they were happy by what they posted on social media. I don’t want to live my life as a mirage for social media so others think I’m happy.

[YollyM]

Some women aren't as strong, so they need a man's validation of their self worth🙄 so the man can abuse her all he wants but if he still calls her beautiful🌷 and pays her bills she thinks she's being taken care of 💔because she doesn't believe that she deserves better 🤦.

[pieceoftoast]

The abuser makes it so they're your only support. So, losing them feels like you’re losing everything.

[Cherry234]

Probably because they don't have financial independence and security. Or they're afraid to get away from those men. Domestic violence is a thing

[raw_is_war99]

Well I think that's why in divorce proceedings, if their is physical evidence of physical or verbal abuse to the kids, a man has no right to fight for custody. I was reading an article about a reality tv "star" I use star lightly, Kathryn Dennis of Southern Charm and apparently her and her ex husband are fighting for custody but he won. The problem is apparently she has a drug problem and he deals with drugs as well, so both parents are fucked up. In those cases I feel awful for the kids because they grew up in a dysfunctional environment with cameras in their face. But when its a situation where a woman is trying, she's cooking, she's cleaning and the husband just bitches, complains, breaks things and hits her or the kids. Honestly, my advice is to put hidden cameras around the house and buy a voice recorder. Show it to a divorce lawyer, show it to the judge, talk about the mental anguish she endured from that man and I'm telling you the woman will win in that sense with custody. When a woman finally divorces that man.

[raw_is_war99]

Yes, she should move cities, hell even another state or province or country. It's a new chapter, it's a new life, and I understand it might be tough for a battered woman to lift herself up and work again and consider herself to be independent but she has to. I know this may not be the same thing but I remember I worked at a small Nike store in a mall, and the girl training me was flat out rude to me, she was not training me well and I really wanted to work for Nike. For months she was like "do you know where this goes", "hurry up", blah blah blah until one day I said fuck this and quit. I told Nike I didn't like her approach with how she talked to me and I think Nike wanted to try to keep me on board but I wasn't having any of it. Some people may look at that as a job where a new employee has to go through the ringer to learn but nah I don't. I worked at Best Buy for 5-6 years and I remember I would train new guys with respect and say yo don't worry about it its a learning process you'll get it eventually and I remember the new guys felt comfortable around me because I didn't belittle them or knit pick their faults.

[Cherry234]

I'm glad you trained those employees efficiently and with respect. Good tips about the hidden cameras and the voice recorder

[raw_is_war99]

I just wish women knew their self worth in this world. To me, self worth does not mean your career status and money. I get that a job is your livelihood but that's why I have a problem with feminism because modern day feminism with some hardcore feminists make it seem like that's what truly defines you or it's okay be verbally abusive to a guy. I know some girls throughout the years who have openly said "why can't I be a bitch to him". I told these girls do you know how unhealthy that sounds and then they are quiet. That's something that is not discussed about enough. I've talked to girls where they think kicking a guy in the nuts is granted over a small disagreement to reading random tweets on Twitter from girls who think it's okay to justify shooting a man in the head or burning him alive just because she got her heart broken. I am not a feminist but I fully support a woman being strong and independent, I've always looked at life by not always attaching an ism-based ideology. As a guy having that open mind for the opposite sex to achieve something in her life is basic human rights, it's common sense.

[raw_is_war99]

But I think in this world today men and women, guys and girls are at fault for certain things they do. All it takes is a few influential stars to back an ideology whether that is political or socially motivated and media exposure, people will stand by it and that's a dangerous thing if it leads to a rocky path. Because as a believer in God, I know man has altered the Torah, Quran and Bible and other religious texts in a man's world. Islam gets demonized by critics that women are oppressed to cook and clean. Islam actually doesn't force women to cook and clean or wear the hijab. Yes, it's recommended to wear one but she's not forced to. That's why many people today either a) don't follow religion correctly or b) see religion as an oppressive tool to control people. We live in divided times and I can't change people's views but I really don't know where the direction of this world is heading in to be honest.

[Cherry234]

I see what you're saying. Yeah I agree that women are not justified in murdering men just because they got their hearts broken. I didn't go through a relationship break up but I went through a friend break up recently and got my heart broken. There was a guy who I thought was my friend (he acted like my friend) and then he just blocked me out of the blue. I don't know why he did it but it really hurt. But I wouldn't justify hurting him or killing him just because of that

[raw_is_war99]

Can I tell you something, Im still a single guy looking for Mrs. Right. I really liked this girl, knew her for 3 years, chatted with her a lot, yes she was, she was not a cat fish. So I told her, I wanted to go out with her, she said I didn't know we were more then friends. I said because you are attractive and I didn't want to hit on you like every guy. But she had 3,000+ followers on IG following gorgeous Asian and White guys who are super fit. I'm a decent looking guy who's in shape but I'm not a model lol. Last November, she wanted dick pics and I am not comfortable sending that stuff to a girl it's not right. I know dick pics in a guys mind is normalized but not for me.

[raw_is_war99]

Because I feel like girls nowadays dont want something serious so they want to post sexy pics of herself and just flirt with guys through DMs and get dick pics with guys she finds hot. For the record I think that is very unhealthy in my opinion. So basically I refused and this girl said I was not a man of my word and decided to ghost me. By this past June she wasn't responding at all even though I tried to send her funny movie clip or how's it going. My last message to her was basically, if you dont want to talk to me anymore thats fine, if you are dealing with a guy then I hope he treats you well and with that old school love and care that you deserve and left it at that. Didn't respond to her for over a month. Then I see that she either deleted or froze her social media. I don't know whats up with her but the point is my heart was broken but people come and go in life all the time. I may never talk to this girl again, regardless I hope she doesn't fuck up her life. At the time she was getting more tattoos, doing drugs, I was disappointed in her. I understand people can do what they want but its a dangerous path to tread because then people start associating people who sell drugs or act erratic. For example, being a father/husband who doesn't do drugs or drink will not equate to being a good father/husband. Because that man could have had a rough childhood where he was beaten and abused. If a guy knows he has anger issues, then he has to fix himself, he should not be in a relationship or get married because that anger will show and history will repeat itself unless there are changes made spiritually, morally, mentally, etc.

[Cherry234]

Yeah my mom married the wrong man. He has anger issues and he blames her for everything that goes wrong. He's financially irresponsible and once got fired from a job because he kept gambling on sports bets or something. He hides money from her. I think she asked him for $300 once and he only gave her $200. He gets social security checks and I think unemployment benefits. But he still hides the money from her. He gets pissed and tells her to go get a job (and me also) but he's not working now. He's supposed to be retired but didn't get benefits from his work. Unfortunately, there are people out there who have serious personality flaws and who engage in self-destructive behaviors but get into relationships anyway. I agree with you that those people should work on themselves before getting involved with anyone

[raw_is_war99]

well I don't know if I should address the man as your dad but I hope he gets help and changes. It's not easy, I do feel bad for men who grew up in a rough childhood but it takes a lot to be the better person and to want to fix your life around. That's why I think you tend to see men committing awful acts because in their mind, someone of them may have been verbally or physically abused their entire life and been rejected by girls, for jobs, by other guys who thought he was not cool enough and then what started as a snowball became a mountain of emotions. With guys/men its dangerous because physically guys/men are taller and stronger. Girls/women who go through rape or child abuse or whatever will usually be very cold and distant to guys especially if she had an absent father in her life to top it off. I've seen it and I've talked to girls like this before. I don't think girls act as abusive as guys do but verbally women can be because that is their way of showing intimidation in a sense. Inside I know why people do it, they want to be heard but part of them wants to be the boss and have an intimidation factor about them. Again, that's not healthy and you can only sympathize with someone for only so much. I've told people who tell me their life, I can't be a psychologist in someone's life, my only advice to people in those situations, focus on your life, cut out bad habits, lower expectations a bit, little bit by bit. Expectations for girls will usually lead to 95% rejection, unless he's handsome and tall and a girl is young and immature looking for some fun. But for regular dudes, if they hate that crappy warehouse job, then go back to school, if they want a grounded girl, then find a girl who doesn't party/do drugs, if a guy has anger issues go to a psychologist instead of strip club paying for a stripper. Reading some texts of God's words can be life changing where it softens the heart, the key is softens the heart.

[Cherry234]

This is very psychologically insightful. Thanks for sharing this info

[raw_is_war99]

no worries

[Arcreactor81]

Well one reason may be that they fear the man will hurt them even more after they leave, so they find it better to stay with this abuse than worse beatings, I guess.

But these women are strong af, respects to them

[Daniela1982]

Because they don't think they deserve any better and think that no one else would want them. Also because they are nutso.

[SphynxUK]

Same reasons men stay with abusive women. They love them and think they’ll change, or are too dependent on them, or are afraid because of threats received.

[ElizaPam]

When I was with my abusive ex I had a really hard time leaving because I loved him and was dependent on him

[raw_is_war99]

Financially dependent, emotionally dependent or both?

[ElizaPam]

Both

[raw_is_war99]

thats rough, well hopefully you're better now.

[midnightmoon05]

Learned from their mom.
Or put down by her caretaker.
low self worth.

[FictionalCharacter]

Because it’s what they feel they are worth. And manipulation.

[15_Debo]

just like tessa with hardin , before the bet was revealed
lol
bye

[Ladyleigh]

Love… he can be amazing.. low self esteem… brain washing.. fear of what he will do to himself, others or her. It’s all of these combined from my personal experience

[raw_is_war99]

yea one guy i remember faked his own death because he was that upset a girl broke up with him.

[Anonymous]

Stock holm syndrom, fear, blackmail or she is stupid. I know women who stay with such men so these men dont kill her kids, relatives, parents etc

[raw_is_war99]

I remember watching a documentary on some of the most notorious men in prison, Richard Ramirez who was one sick fuck and female admirers and sent him love letters... Very odd.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeag i know this. These women probably have mentall illness

[pepper1828]

It might be because we think there's no other guy who can love us the way the abusive guys love us. If you get it ofc

[the_kisses_of_sun]

My same question. It's either cause of kids, ashamed of getting divorced (patriarchal mindset), or very low self esteem.

[the_kisses_of_sun]

Or they are sadistic lol 😜

[the_kisses_of_sun]

Masochist* lol

[raw_is_war99]

Masochist is what again?

[the_kisses_of_sun]

A person who enjoys an activity which is painful or humiliating.

[the_kisses_of_sun]

In other words, they like being abused.

[raw_is_war99]

Yeah but that’s different that’s a sexual kink. There are girls who told me do this or do that in a physical way. I never thought they were messed in the head. I thought I’ll fulfil her desires because I’m with her so whatever. But if it involved some form of painful pleasure in their world trust me I would make sure if they are ok. I don’t want to be graphic so I do apologize but nibbling on her nipples gently or putting hand cuffs on her or spanking her…wow I can’t believe I’m saying this but yeah there are girls who told me they like it.

[the_kisses_of_sun]

Masochist is also used in general context not only sexually.

[raw_is_war99]

I’ve seen girls on Twitter who tells guys to pay them to get kicked in the balls. I’m thinking what the hell happened to these guys to meet random girls even during Covid times, to pay a girl and get kicked in the balls. Those guys probably have self esteem issues where people treated him like shit and he wants the abuse in some way by a woman or a girl. I don’t know about you but if a random guy goes up to you and asks would you kick me in the balls, you’d probably say wtf? 🤨 Another girl who probably is angry inside about other shit may look at that and say, damn perfect opportunity to get some revenge. This is how society works, it works in odd ways. And there are girls who justify that by saying “well the guy agreed so she’s not at fault”. True story but a YouTuber who told a girl to kick him in the balls, he ended up losing one of them. Sexual abuse for pleasure is dangerous in my opinion if it’s not done right.

[raw_is_war99]

actually I don’t want to say sexual abuse because some people just like that whole world of fetishes and kinks. There are kinks where even for me as a guy I thought it woah that’s too much.

[pink_and_inlove]

They don’t know they’re worth or grew up with a dad like that thinking it was okay

[Anonymous]

Many reasons... scared threats of taking kids dependancy etc

[Anonymous]

I don't think so, they want to stay either, but they have some necessitation or else.
I think their heart is unwilling to let go of such a person.

[Hillary86]

Some think they’ll change or “can’t do any better”.

[AmandaYVR]

Low self-esteem, emotional investment/attachment.