Why do some women stay with abusive men?

[jennifer_bloom]

I know a lady who was very good looking and married a very rich man many years older than her and she was widowed very young because of how old her husband was and after being widowed, she lost all her friends because she was so good looking that none of the other men’s wives wanted her at their parties or social events because she was unmarried. She married a guy her age who was single and he made her sign a prenuptial saying if she got sick he could divorce her and not care for her medical needs. Apparently he abused her by punching her in the head so badly she got Parkinson’s disease. And this abuse happened for years and years. She is now 88 and her ex husband wants power of attorney over her so he can kill her and take her money and he sued his daughter with lies to reclaim the power abilities. Why did she stay with him? Apparently he abused her before they were even married. Why did she marry him?

[normalice]

I think the answer lies in what allows them to be attracted to abusive men in the first place. They are sometimes real easy to spot - the narcissism and insecurity is something most people aren't willing to deal with even platonically. Why would someone actually start dating a narcissist in the first place?

My suspicion is they attach a sort of mysticism to the person. The narcissist is somewhat defined as someone who takes believing in themselves to the next level: which is make-believing in themselves. Perhaps the visible signs of the fantasy a narcissist tells themselves about themselves are all that is seen by those who entertain the idea of dating them. This could be because some of the people who want to date them are sortof "inverse narcissists," where they don't want to make-believe that anything is special about themselves but do desperately want to believe that something is special about someone else. So they are captivated by the lies the narcissist tells themselves - not so much the content of the lies but the "aura" one has when they have come out the other side of burying their insecurities beneath oceans of bullshit and now seem to be a deity of their own planet. Like if you could live in an elven kingdom but had to endure getting pummeled by a random passerby who thought you might have noticed his ears are fake every once in a while. Some people would take that life over the human realm.

[BJP21]

When you get abused to a point of accepting it, there is a point of no return for some people and its sad to see. You never marry for money. Seeing girls come into my place of business with a sugar daddy only to see they get treated like shit makes me wonder why girls stop dating men who are serious.

[HorggleThorp]

I’m marrying for love, not money, and I don’t understand how people could marry abusive men, or women.

[BJP21]

@HorggleThorp Exactly! Its one of the reasons Im never going back to my former girlfriend.

[nspencer]

So psychologically women can tend to go for someone more like their father. If her father was garbage she is more likely to go for garbage men. Doesn’t mean that always happens that way just the probability is higher. Also a bad home life in general could have triggered this as well cause toxic environments are pretty much all they would know. Also having researched especially narcissistic relationships, you can end up in a trauma bond with the person and it’s an incredibly hard and painful process to break. It’s the equivalent of an addiction. There’s a lot of sources with more details you could research.

[Haha456]

Why don't you take a look at the poor choices this woman has made over her life?

1. Instead of marrying a man who she is in love with , she married for money. this alone shows a lot about her character.

2. instead of marrying a decent man who she loves. she married an abuser who is clearly just married to her for her inherited assets.

this woman has made a slew of terrible quality decisions throughout her life. whatever consequences she gets, she deserves. I have no sympathy for her. She should be lucky that she is still alive and has a home to live in and food to eat by 88

[Agape93]

Fear, or the benefits outweigh the abuse for them

[Summeroflove]

Because and I don’t want to jump to conclusions I could be wrong. But if she married him for money. She didn’t marry him for love.

Sometimes people are also bad people themselves and then want to play the victim when things go to shit. They want to seem like the good person. Even if they’re abusive too.

On the contrary many times a relationship starts out really really good. Someone is so wonderful and seems like everything they ever dreamed of. Abusive behaviors come later on down the road. Once that happens. Leaving someone could be easier said then done.

Sometimes a person SHOULD leave. But sometimes someone can be really good some days and really horrible others.

Maybe they already have a future together. Maybe he bully’s her to stay.

If she’s 88 now. I feel bad for her. Some people are just shit people. But not to be harsh. This is a lesson not to marry for money.

It could be many different reasons though. She might not have married him for those reasons. He might have seemed like a really great guy at one point in time

[Ilovethesunshine]

We should be thankful that we live in America where the word of a woman matters. In other countries they have different cultures and costumes and woman stay because they don't want to be the disappointment of the family or to be shunned or shame. We should be thankful that we have freedom to choose and freedom of speech in other countries in the world woman don't have that privilege.

[Anonymous]

I have seen girls getting slapped in allies , corners in home multiple times. Abuse in restaurent , controlling and domestic violence are common everywhere. Some gets reported , some not. However it has both sides , women generally resort to mental abuse , play games and men generally resort to physical violence.

In most cases those women are pretty and guys are good looking bad boys type with already a bad reputation in the neighbourhood. It's well established women love bad boys and try to change them , some get success with a bad boy some cannot. I have no sympathy for either , actions have consequences , when you are an adult you have to face responsibllities of your actions.

[ODC2112]

Because they have a dependent personality, or rather one person co-dependently depends on the other equally.
Often when we see abuse, it is only one side of the coin. Because dependent people are equally abusive towards the people they depend on.

But didn't you have a degree in psychology?

[jennifer_bloom]

Nope! I only took one psychology class.

[ChiTown33]

Stupidity. Sorry, not trying to be insulting but whatever the reasoning they tell themselves it boils down to that.

[BlueScorpio]

Stockholm syndrome, afraid to leave cause they might kill them, scared to start over or don't don't think they will find anyone else so they put up with the abuse.

[es20490446e]

Because they understand affect through suffering.

[Bethany22]

Maybe she thought that women would want to be friends with her when she was married to someone like him. Sounds like she was feeling very lonely after losing her first husband.

[misogynistic_pig]

This question is so cliché that I'm bored answering it.

Because women tend to be attracted to the Dark Triad—narcissism, manipulativeness, & psychopathy

[Sabretooth]

Some view it as strength... That is utterly appalling and perverted.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to judge this woman. Sometimes its okay being a woman in this world but then sometimes it's not. She suffers really bad circumstances and couldn't find a better option in life.

[BLP11520]

So sad that women put up with this. I am old school, never hit a woman.

[Anonymous]

Because they think that's the only type of man they can attract.

[grega239]

50 shades sold in record numbers...