Could I be in the wrong for feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

To make a long story short, I met this guy from an online dating app. We are currently long distance. Everything seemed to go so well, we even got engaged at some point but then I ended up breaking the engagement off because things got a little complicated for me to handle. Here is why: The man is struggling financially, like he's broke. Not only that, but he wants to move from a different state, get settled there then have me join him eventually. All of this is a lot for me to deal with and a little stressful. The fact that he's broke doesn't really bother me. It's that he didn't try to get his shit together before putting himself out there and then expecting someone to just go along with everything and adjust to his current messy situation. I feel like that was a little selfish of him. Am I wrong to think like this? Could it be that he just wants a wife but isn't willing to prepare to be a husband? Currently I'm stable financially and in my career as a nurse. I'm 28 and ready to settle down and start a family. He wants all of that too. I just think he's not prepared for this and I just don't know what to do. Am I taking this too seriously?

[DishLady]

Ldr don’t work… and apps also are deeply flawed…. So in other words, you hit Double Jeopardy and are locking yourself into something that is doomed not to work.


If you’re going to embark on an ldr you should have met in person first then have periods of separation….


If you’re using apps, choose your f-ing zip code as a measure to find a guy with whom you can have ACTUAL dates….


Start over and choose better….

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have to ask the burning question.

Was he in the same position financially when you agreed to marry him as he is now?

[Asker]

Oh yea. Like he was not in a good financial situation when I agreed to marry him. But again... that doesn't bother me. At least he works, he has a full time job and he's not lazy , he's just not in a good situation right now.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Marriage has ups and downs. It's also about the long haul. If you are prepared to walk away at an early stage because things appear rough, then he is not the guy for you!

[Asker]

I'm not saying I want to walk out. I just think I've been thrown into an unfair situation because of his lack of preparedness

[TommyMountainFigure]

Could you have that conversation with him without things getting weird between you?

[Asker]

I tried having that conversation with him and it seems like he understands where I'm coming from. It ended up heated, and into a full blown argument where I ended up saying to him things that I regretted. I was just really frustrated with the situation at that time. It seems like he gets it but then doesn't get it at the same time. Like he still thinks it's okay to just get married knowing that he's not in a good spot right now. That makes me think he's a hopeless romantic, impulsive kind of guy.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Then write him an email and put all this in there.. You clearly have many unresolved issues, and if talking to him is getting you nowhere, then let him read them in an email which gives him time for them to sink in.. Maybe he is and maybe he isn't the right guy for you.. You need to find out one way or other though!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for MHO, and I really hope you get the resolution you're looking for!