Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[coxoabean]

I'm dating a single dad, we've been dating almost 2 months. Well his daughter is 2 and he only gets her every other weekend. Well, she isn't taught very well how to not throw fits or take "no" for an answer. If you tell her no, she starts crying and it's a loud cry, and she'll like throw a big fit. It honestly frustrated me, even though I try not to let it. But it frustrates be because she gets whatever she wants most of the time and I think that's why she behaves that way.

Her dad, (the guy I'm dating, says he doesn't want to give get whatever she wants because that will teach her to be spoiled, but then he dies almost always give get whatever she wants. When we go to church, I take sticky notes that I got from my parents as a present, and she wants them. She will cry if I tell her no. Do you think it's rude if me to but give get them? If I give her one that time, she'll want but and more, and she also isn't learning that, 1 she can't just have whatever she wants, and 2 she needs to learn to not throw a fit if she's told "no". But her Dad yesterday told me to just give her one after she started whining during the service and making a loud scene, and I asked the dad to take her outside so she wasn't disrupting the service, but he didn't and told me to just give her a sticky note. I was pretty irritated, because then after I gave her one, she wanted another one. That time I told her "no" again, not because I don't like to share, but because I'm trying to teach her. Especially if I'm going to be dating her dad and later might have kids. There's definitely no way I'm wanting my kids to behave that way. Do you think I'm thinking wrong?

She also likes to hit, and thinks it's funny. Or she'll throw things if she gets mad. The other day I told her that she couldn't have something, so she threw fork not directly at me but towards my direction. I'm worried that if he keeps letting her hit like that, and I have kids it's going to be a big problem. Am I just overthinking it?

[sage2021]

You sure have your hands full don't you? That's rough.
You are treating he your beliefs which is good 👍🏼 because she is out of control. She needs some semblance of behavior.
You have to show children good behavior as early in their life as possible. She's 2 and behaving like she isn't getting any parental training.
I am thinking about my nephew when he was 2 and behaved badly. His brother was an angel 😇. I used to tell my sister that I just think he was not bad.🤷🏼‍♀️

Your boyfriend needs to take her out of the church when she's acting up. People don't go to church to be stuck in the building with a disruptive child. It's not fair to them.

Plus he seems to go against any discipline you are trying to teach her.

Yes, look what kind of Dad he is with her and if the two of you have children - well you can see the writing on the wall of what kind of Dad he is. Why would he be any different with another child? That's how he parents.

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. You need him to back you up.

[coxoabean]

Thank you, yeah I think I'm going to have to try and discuss it a bit more with him, and let him know that if he doesn't do anything about it, it might be best for us to not continue a relationship, sadly because I really do like him. And it's not that I think you should just give up at any moment, but as I've told him dating is to find your future partner, and if I can see her behavior will likely put my kids in a bad situation then it's best to find someone who either if they are a single dad, a will actually discipline them, or 2 will just be willing to teach their kids manners.

[Jennz6]

Date him during the week when his daughter isn’t there

[coxoabean]

Oh like just don't see him on the weekend?

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean good idea because she has no patience with children

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean you don’t seem to have patience with children

[coxoabean]

Me? I do I have 9 siblings. I do have patience, and that is why I am kind to her when I tell her no, or try to correct her behavior, but I also don't think it's good to just allow a kid to have whatever they want. It teaches them really bad behavior, so yes, I do have patience

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean
Ohm ok I am sorry to have said that

[coxoabean]

It's ok

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean
You’re sweet

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean 💕
Thank you for the MHO
You are very sweet indeed

[nawtee_me]

You are not wrong to believe and feel as you do. There are a few things to think about. One is what do you want out of this? Is it just dating or do you want more? What does he want out of this? Does he just want dating or does he want more?

If you both want more then you do have some responsibility with her. Remember though that two year olds do that! That is why they call it terrible twos…. But there are also times when you just have to let them cry it out to show them that they have to listen. But all of this depends on what you all want going forward…

[coxoabean]

Yes, we both are dating to marry. Also, yes, I understand she's only 2 and that children that young will do that. That's not really the problem, it's more that she is being given whatever she wants, and then when it comes to her messing up my things and me feeling like I can't tell her no because she'll cry is really difficult. She is also learning to tell her dad no when he tells her to do something. She'll want to do things that are dangerous, like okay with glass cups and when I tell her no, she gets mad and cries, then I feel bad. Or she will want to get into my art and things, and I've tried giving her her own art stuff, but that's not enough to make her happy, so she throws a tantrum. But I'm trying to teach her that it's not ok to tear people's things up like that.

[coxoabean]

*play with glass cups.

[Dongie]

He's not doing her any favors. She'll be disliked growing up. And he'll on him.

[coxoabean]

Yeah, every kid I've known growing up that was spoiled, nobody liked them. They just learn to treat people like trash to get their way. I wanted to tell him that but I'm not sure how. When I tried to tell him some things he can do to try to help her behavior, he said I love how you like to tell me how to raise kids yet you don't have any kids. But even though I didn't have kids, I still had nine siblings that I was helping raise. So I have learned a lot of how to discipline and raise kids

[Dongie]

There are some aspects a person knows when it comes to raising a kid. That's one of them. I mean, every adult was once a kid themselves, and in school, we encountered all types.

[coxoabean]

Yeah, he's told me that he knows it's not good to give in, yet he does:/ I don't know if it's because she tells him a lot she wants her mommy, and it seems to make him feel really bad. He asked me the other night "why doesn't she like me, and want her mom more" but he said too that her mom gives her whatever and never really disciplines her.

[Dongie]

That's sad. Tell him that a kid will respect proper discipline and, in time, she'll know who cared most for her. If a parent is not abusive and shows love and discipline, the kid will love them. I mean, don't tell him. Or do. I can't say.

[coxoabean]

It is, and ok, thank you, I will tell him

[WilliamPamer446]

You feel like she's coddled no your not challenge him on his coddling ways or just negotiate if u can be tough while he's gentle on for balance

[WilliamPamer446]

Kids need a mix of patient understanding and tough when they bad

[ivyjuniper21]

No ur not wrong that's so annoying I had to get my boyfriend to stop coddling his daughter AND ME lol

[eagle1951]

He need to stop giving into her and teach her how to behave and not want everything

[Anonymous]

Don’t date men with kids, especially ones with bratty children