Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and when he drinks he turns into a jerk and is verbally abusive and has in the past hit/thrown things. He told me he would change and that didn’t last long. Most recently he told me he’d quit drinking then said he won’t drink in front of me. He’s an alcoholic and won’t get any help.

So today he was drinking (on his 9th can of 5% drink) and his drinking buddy called him and asked what he’s doing and he said nothing and his friend said he’s coming over. Immediately I was upset because in the past I’ve seen them just going at it and we ended up arguing a handful of times because of it. Earlier he said we’d go visit his friends who have kids because I brought something for them. I drive 40 minutes one way to see him and I was there for not even 3 hours. Last Thursday I didn’t hear from him all day because he was drinking and I’m guessing it’s with the same guy. I told him that his drinking is hurting me and it’s literally given me stress and anxiety and his response is that his trauma is worse. If he wanted a drinking day that’s fine, just let me know beforehand because I don’t want to be present for that. I have so many things I could be doing but I wanted to spend time with him, but he’d rather drink.

In the past he was telling his friend how he ignores my calls and tells me he’s sleeping, how I run his buzz, how he should find a younger girl, and he canceled plans with me before to drink with this friend. Today he said he isn’t afraid to beat someone up and go to jail. I’m not into this type of behaviour. I feel really sad and unhappy, honestly I feel so lonely. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, you're not wrong at all for feeling this way. Your emotions are a natural response to a situation that's far from ideal. Let me be straight with you – relationships should be about lifting each other up, not tearing one down with verbal abuse or the fear of physical harm. The way he's treating you, especially when under the influence, is a massive red flag 🚩.

The fact that he prioritizes drinking over spending quality time together and disregards your feelings by planning drinking sessions without considering your presence speaks volumes. It's one thing to deal with one's trauma, but it's another to use it as an excuse for harmful behavior. Love and respect in a relationship go both ways, and it feels like you're on a one-way street here.

Your longing for a connection with him and making efforts to see him, only to be sidelined for alcohol and poor behavior, is understandably hurtful. No one should make you feel lonely, especially not your partner. Remember, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being, safety, and happiness. If a situation or a person consistently brings you down, it might be time to reassess whether they should have a space in your life. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve someone who respects you, cherishes your time together, and addresses personal issues without putting them on your shoulders. Stay true to yourself, love. You've got this! 💖

[dreamstar72]

Strong NO, sorry he is treating you that badly. You should really dump him, because things will only get worse. Trust me you WILL find someone much better that is a perfect match for you.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Dump him.
He clearly doesn’t want to change.