Why is being quiet as a man is turn off for women?

[JamieRobinson1994]

I'm someone who considers himself introverted and quieter than the average man. Although I've made progress over the years, I still deal with some social anxiety and awkwardness, having struggled with severe shyness in my youth.

Despite the improvements I've made, I can't help but notice that women often see shy or naturally quiet men as less attractive, not masculine, or not relationship material. This perception seems to persist even for good-looking men, although they might get a one-night stand at best, only to be dismissed afterward. From my experience, women tend to be more attracted to outgoing, extroverted men, many of whom come across as arrogant or unpleasant.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Because it can feel intimidating. Women tend to adjust based on feedback from guys, and a guy who gives no feedback is almost impossible to be in relationship with unless the girl is extremely outgoing and attracted to him.

That's why charismatic jerks get with girls all the time; they give a certain type of feedback that is easy to work with, and is actually lower hanging fruit for girls to succeed.

I get along with most guys easily, but the quiet ones challenge me the most. The reason is because I am introverted myself. I have learned a ton of social skills to work with most people to overcome my introversion, but it's hard with the very quiet ones who give nothing to bounce off of.

I will say this: There is a difference between a quiet man who has good social skills, and a quiet man who has none.

A quiet man with good social skills will speak at a critical point, and what he says is always 100% on the money and well-spoken. A quiet man who is insecure and not pushing himself socially never does that. But that one thing is what distinguishes an amazing quiet guy from a lazy quiet guy.

I get goosebumps and become tongue-tied around a quiet man with good social skills and empathy. That's a rare gem.

[JamieRobinson1994]

Good answer! My question is to you think a quiet man with poor social skills is lazy?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Thanks! :D

From my perspective, yes (unless he is autistic or has something that makes it impossible to recognize social cues). Not lazy physically or mentally, but relationally. He only likes to play to his strengths.

If a man is aware that he has poor social skills and does nothing, and then expects great things to happen, it's kind of like a man being poor and hoping he wins the lottery through buying tickets. He would serve his own interests better by investing in himself, and yet he won't, because he doesn't want to put in the work.

I'd allow that there can be exceptions, but I think they are uncommon.

[Account]

Honestly? So far I have only been into introverted guys. Only. I have only been in relationships with people who were introverts. However, we had things to talk about even if we were both quiet by nature. If you are interested in someone you make an effort to get to know them, you ask them questions and you keep the conversation flowing without it feeling like a job interview.

The issue is if you confuse the word introverted with not being bothered to make an effort to get to know them in order to check if you share a common ground.

[RebelinSteel]

The big problem (if this was a girl) is you have to do all the work, they are really quiet, introverted and it can be hard work even getting a simple conversation going. Being the one having to direct and basically control the conversation is tiring, it needs to be an active two way street. If it’s too hard to get conversation going, then you just move on. I would hazard a guess girls feel the same with quiet guys, likely even more so.

[OlderAndWiser]

Women want a man who makes them feel protected, and they associate introversion with a guy who will shy away from conflict instead of protecting his woman. I know that is not always true but i think it is a common misconception.

[Abbycado]

Not a turnoff but not what I am looking for personally. "outgoing" yes. "arrogant or unpleasant" Never.

[JamieRobinson1994]

That’s rare

[Abbycado]

No it isn't. No one wants to be with someone unpleasant. That is foolish to think that.

[Anonymous]

Being loud and talking too much as a man, especially about yourself, is a much bigger turnoff. The problem is that they feel your anxiety. They would like you if you were quiet and secure more than loud and insecure.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Billions of women on this earth so assuming such isn't right.

Some women love talkive men and others like men that are quite depending on their taste.

[Anonymous]

It is not. I am quiet and reserved and never had problems. You sometimes need to make the first move tho.

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's not. I usually hate loud people.

[Anonymous]

Be ass to get some ass