Do you agree or disagree that guys shouldn't put photos with their kids on dating apps?

[Crimsyjo]

Is it just me? I think it's really icky. Not sure if guys would think same if woman has her kids in pics. I think would be same. I don't mean it horribly. I know a guys kids is gonna be important to him but I'm not particularly interested in them. In fact I'd prefer if his kids were older like mine so we are more free to work on a relationship. I don't want a step dad to mine. I don't wanna be a step mom. And anyways... it doesn't seem right. Their privacy should be kept until further along in dating. (Not hide got kids. Just doesn't need to be a major factor).

Or maybe I'm wrong.. maybe some people wanna be upfront and attract maternal types or something? Maybe that works for others?

Updates

1 y

Haha I just got told by some women on Facebook where I asked the same question that I shouldn't date men with kids with that attitude 😝 I mean come on. A guy shouldn't have to state he's gonna put his kids first. It's a morale expectation. But is he really putting them first? Not thinking of their exposure? I'd prefer to date a guy with older kids and I'm not looking to be a step mom to babies and toddlers no thank you. Just like the guys that don't want a single mum. It's my preference.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I don't think anyone, men or women, should put photos of their kids on a dating app, single parent or not. It isn't about the kids, it's about your relationship. Yes, it will come up (preferably right away). But putting photos of kids online is unsafe, and the kids will eventually move on with their lives (we hope, anyway). Decent people understand that kids need love, care, education, and investment for a season. But ultimately, we'll be sort of stuck with the person we married, so that needs to be the focus when dating.

Starting off a dating profile with a photo of kids and statements like "My kids come first" or "My kids are my world" is like walking into a French restaurant and asking if they serve hot dogs and Pepsi... wrong place, wrong time.

So, yes... I agree that photos of kids don't belong on dating apps, for safety reasons.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I totally overlooked the privacy concern about photographies on this one, a much needed reminder indeed 🧠

I would object about the french restaurant example though, but I'm playing with words, since a french restaurant can be a restaurant featuring french cooking OR a restaurant located in france 😆. In the latter case, you would get your sandwich and soda, yes

[Crimsyjo]

100% agree with this. And why I'm looking for a guy for me not for my kids and I would be nice to his family of course but I'm not interested in being a mum. And I think privacy- even just respect for your kids - means photos are a big no no. On top of safety issues. It doesn't need to be saud "my kids come first" it's kinda an unwritten rule anyways. And a discussion down the line if necessary. At least after one date lol.

[avery58]

I don't think they want to attract maternal women but I do think that they put them up to be upfront from the start, that way if she matches him he knows she's likely okay with him having those responsibilities. If anything it's a good sign I guess, even though I personally wouldn't really get into a relative with someone that already has kids, but at least it means that he's there to really get to know someone and not just looking for a hookup.

[Crimsyjo]

Hmm I'm not so sure. I think it can be a manipulative trick to try to trick women into thinking they must be decent. These guys are still all about sex and hook up when u start talking to them!!

[avery58]

Relationship* not relative lol..

Yeah it could be. I never matched with one so I didn't get to know what most of them were like.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Hmmmm 🤔 Right, let's get carried:

I view dating sites as the worst possible places to date with someone, considering several aspects. The core concept, the idea that folks are framing themselves, willingly, in a deterministic and reductionist system is existentially threatening to me. Additionally, on a psychological, societal and political level, I find these sites potentially harmful for the uneducated being. Since they actively promote, by essence, the idea that people are items to consume, item lists to check, comparisons to draw and...

PHOTOS TO ANALYSE, Crimsy ;)

Objectification of mankind. Black. Mirror.

[AviatorTom]

It depends what a guy is looking for. If he us looking for someone to be a mother to his children, if things go well, the guy can post pictures of himself with kids.

Otherwise, he might scare away women with kid pics, in which case he should just post pics of himself. Talk of kids can come later.

[Crimsyjo]

Talk of kids should come later! Other than fact got kids which should be in bio.

These men by the way are still saying looking for casual sex. Or say looking for relationship but then like all the rest talk about sex and hooking up. So putting their kids on their profile is a tacky selfish manipulative move in my book... not a protective father thing to do!
If dating then deeper discussions around kids can happen.

[RyanR03]

Honestly, no a bulk of them. No. But I I would because I want the ones filtered out that have some issue with it. Because most women that have kids want you to be A Ok with that. It works both ways. If a woman had an issue with my daughter.. odds are she wouldn’t be overt about it but it would come out. You can tell the ones who want you to keep you “kid life” in its own box. To those I would say.. reveal yourself and good bye. Not that I would want them to be a mom figure. My daughter has one and the relationship is good. But I want to know who the ladies are that are somehow put off by it.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah I get that view point.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah.. No I just don’t think people should involve their kids in their relationships, until they are sure that this is the one right girl for him. But I feel the same way about women doing that. Leave your kids out of your dating life!

Hope this helps.
Laura 🤗 🥰

[Crimsyjo]

Exactly!! Thank you. Some women are acting like I'm a kid hater now lol (stupid face book page lol)... I wantva partner for me not my kids. I'm 45. My next partner I want to be it for rest of our lives. I don't mind a guy having kids (preferable over 12) and I get they will need his time. I'm fine with it. And I'm happy to treat them like I do anybody I meet (be nice and friendly). With time maybe I'd even bond. But I'm not looking to be a step mum.

[CrazyGirl2]

Well respectfully, if you are not looking to be a step-mother, then maybe you might want to avoid dating men who have children altogether! ¯\_(ッ)_/¯ I mean parents are usually pretty involved with their children’s lives, and if he isn't… well, is he really the type of man you want to marry? that doesn't exactly speak to him having good character. I mean what kind of man puts wife #2 above the needs of his children? He’d have to be a pretty shitty father, and why would you want to marry a guy you already know is a deadbeat dad? I mean I thought. you were talking about guys putting pictures of their children on their DATING PROFILES? Not whether or not you want to be a step-mum.

[Crimsyjo]

I'm 45. I'm not talking about marrying a man. I'm past the playing happy families stage younger women crave. I want me and my guy to be in the "us against the world" stage. I have kids too you know (teens). I don't expect a man to be a father to them at all. Just be nice to them. And ditto me to their kids. Friendly. Nice. Not mum. I don't want a guy with young kids for this reason.

Haha my dad - after two failed marriages and five kids between them - ended up 30 years with a woman who couldn't have kids (up until his deathbed) and I still only know her first name. I'd see her on visits but rarely spoke to her. She wasn't mean but she wasn't friendly. That didn't bother me.

[CrazyGirl2]

Okay that explains my misunderstanding. That way of thinking is out of my personal frame of reference. My parents are still married with no previous marriages, and are still like newlyweds. Also both sets of my grandparents were/are married for life. (until my paternal grandfather passed away). Luckily, there are no divorces in my family, so no step parents. I view marriage as something to treasure, and protect. Even my friends whose parent's WERE divorced, their step parents were all loved, and are very important people to them, and great roll models. So the idea of not wanting anything to do with the children of the person you love… That’s just a foreign concept to me, on a personal level. Now, I do deal with dysfunctional families and dysfunctional relationships in my psychology clinical externship, but they are either desperately trying to work on their issues, and repair their marriages, or on the opposite side of the spectrum, the dysfunctional step-parent raped, or sexually assaulted my patient, (who are usually children) in which case they are either in prison, or out on bail awaiting trial (with a restraining order)! But in my personal life, step-parents are loved, and very much respected. Obviously if that is not what you want, then god bless you for knowing that and for avoiding men who do have children, especially young/younger children. That shows you have a great sense of self awareness, and knowledge of your emotional limitations. I genuinely commend you for that. Not too many people have the self awareness, and wisdom to avoid relationships that are outside of their emotional limitations, and avoid getting involved in relationships that will not give them the fulfillment they need. Not everyone is cut out to be a step-parent. It’s a role that far too often comes with great responsibility, but very little thanks. Good for you for knowing what you want, but most importantly what you don’t want.

Best of luck to you
Laura 🤗 🥰

[heeeeeresJOHNNY]

I feel like as a male and a non-creator of human life, those that are a creator of human life tend to care far more for said human life than the non-creator. It’s written in our biology. So when a man sees a woman he doesn’t think attraction he thinks distractions. When a woman sees a man with a child she sees attraction, which is advantageous to the manipulator.

[godfatherfan]

The only picture on the dating app should be the person with the account. LISTEN UP LADIES !!! It drives me crazy as women constantly put them and their "girlfriend" up. Who am I trying to date? multiple pictures with at least 2 women in it, and no single pic anywhere to be found. Very frustrating.

And ladies, don't put "anywhere USA". How far aways is more important then how you look. I can't find your house with a first name and a city.

[fonduegirl]

I'd appreciate it actually.

I love kids but parenthood isn't for me, stepmom or whatever. LOL. I'd probably get mad at them if they disclosed it later.

Then again, older men are not my cup of tea. So this issue is irrelevant.

PS. You're valid for being icked out.

[Crimsyjo]

Thank you. And oh God yeah. You do NOT want a guy with a kid at your age. Not much choice in my age range lol

[fonduegirl]

I'm here if you need to vent 💗

[Crimsyjo]

Aww I appreciate that! I'm OK. I'm trying really hard to look at men on dating apps and not judge too harshly right off the bat. And also trust my gut (if they feel off). I'm getting over heartbreak too lol. So but that's been a complicated situation.

How are you? Are you actively looking to date?

Oh by the way I just realises what u saud about "probably get mad if they disclose it later" that's happened to me. My boyfriend of three years had a 5 year old he didn't ever mention until later in the relationship and he was 23 at the time. It wasn't so bad as I had a one and 6 year old. But I hadn't actually wanted a guy with kids. He wasn't working and I'd end up having to feed and buy things for her when she stayed over for weekends.

[fonduegirl]

I'm a childfree individual. I feel jittery about marriage. And I'm aromantic!

I desire romantic relationships, but so far I'm struggling with attraction.

I can definitely understand them being overprotective of their children. Fair enough! But don't keep it a secret, is all I'm saying.

Dating is harder for single parents, but that doesn't mean you gotta lie

[fonduegirl]

That was very deceptive of him

[Crimsyjo]

Have you checked your attachment style? I find out I am a fearful- avoidance. Fit me to a T. I basics basically crave intimacy but when i start getting it I get scared (I'm worried about commitment and feeling trapped) so I end up screwing it up and pushing them away. My type is also known for casual and friends with benefits relationships for this reason. Cos I like getting a connection with the guys I sleep with and i care deeply about them but I don't have to fear because they are so much younger than me I know from the start it will only ever be short term. But... I do desire more real intimacy. So I'm trying!

[fonduegirl]

I have.

The thing is — I don't face similar issues with my other relationships, friends and family.

You don't have to be an expert in aromanticism, but kindly don't insult it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you have kids, they should be included in your profile pics so men not interested in single moms can hit pass without having to read your profile.

Men should follow the same rule in my opinion.

Also, I put pics of me when I had a profile, and they got removed because people reported them thinking they were my kid (I don't have a kid, I just look young). For this reason I don't think pics should be regulated. People assume too much.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, but not only dating apps, any website really. There was a pedo on here with a profile pic of him and his kids, and it made my skin crawl every time I saw it.

[Crimsyjo]

Yh kids privacy should be considered everywhere! I've had dudes I'm talking to here asking to see pic of my daughters. Sorry. Not happening.

[RingOfFire]

I don't think it's so much about whether or not to date people with kids as it is about the privacy of the kids. I don't think it's right to put your kids in any pictures online. When they grow up maybe in their teens, if they're okay with it, okay but not before that.

[Ladsin2]

Don't care. I want women to put them on their, or acknowledge they have kids in their bio so I don't waste time.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah i always put in my bio. Its important people know if people got kids. At the not even matched stage that's all tho.

[MrCharlie13]

For their security, no one should post pictures of their kids on any social platform where people you don't know will have access to them.

If you don't care they might be exposed to the terrors of the internet, you still shouldn't put photos with them on dating apps. Instant turnoff

[genericname85]

disagree. i think nobody should, not just men. except if their faces are censored then that's a fair warning that there's baggage to that dating choice that i can appreciate.

[Smashingdoozy]

Kids shouldn't be posted on any public social media at all.

[WhitneySnow]

I think not everyone has your preference and some women like a guy who puts up pics of his kids. Brings out their maternal instinct.

[Crimsyjo]

That's why they do it. To manipulate. Cos they still only talk of hook up and casual sex when u speak to them.

[WhitneySnow]

The smart ones talk about love and marriage when you speak to them, then leave after sex

[WhitneySnow]

Or they stay with you but cheat with other girls

[Crimsyjo]

Ugh yeah... not many smart ones luckily here in UK.
I more admire the ones who are upfront about their intentions. No problem someone wanting casual. But please, don't lie about wanting relationship *sigh*

[Radiate143]

I've never met a decent man who puts kids on any sort of dating profile.

[Apple1996]

It should be illegal to post your kid online on social media. There isn't any good reason to expose kids to a bunch of creeps

[Berethor]

Well I don't want a single mom, but I appreciate if she is not hidding her kids in photos.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah it's fine to have "got kids" in the bio so you can screen her out as a potential. But some guys have pics with little nephews and stuff then in bio says "not my kid!" But again lol.. if a woman did that you wd be swiping left straight away on presumption its her kid right? Lol. Such a mistake! (To have kids in pics. Not you swiping left lol)

[Berethor]

Yea the nephews photos can be tricky, but if it her actual kids then it just honesty.

[Crimsyjo]

So you appreciate the upfrontness of it? I can see that as it makes your decision much quicker as you have your clear boundaries.
Mine are not so clear as I am open to a guy with kids of course. As I have my own. But it's a decision I'd have to make on more than just a picture which is a lot of effort lol. So 80% of the time like u it's easier to just exclude them straight away.

[shortster]

It is generally best not to post pictures of anyone except for yourself on dating apps. Unless you are dating as a couple/group.

[Idkgirl1]

I think kids shouldn’t be posted on any kind of platform let alone a dating app regardless of the posters gender

[Anonymous]

I think they want to make sure whoever matches is ok with the kids from the start. Some women like that and are looking for it.

[Crimsyjo]

Then how come they still only tall about sex and hooking up and looking for casual? I think they use the kids for manipulative selfish reasons. I bet most are not even great involved dad's. They certainly are not bring protective of their kids thinking about their privacy and exposure...

[LiamJHayden]

Why would any parent risk exposing the child (ren) to random strangers? That would be a hard pass for me.

[worldscolide]

Same with women lady. Sorry neither gender should have pics of their kids on dating apps.

[Anonymous]

I don't think people should post their kids anywhere on the internet.

[ManInChains]

I thought women liked single dads?

[strateguy632]

I agree it is a turn off.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I definitely agree with that

[fuddly]

Agree and same goes for gals

[eagle1951]

i agree should not

[Lynx122]

agree

[bananathunder]

yeah that's weird

[beefcakebradybatson]

WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE !!!

[Rockey_the_bicker]

Agree 👍

[Crazzyyworld]

incubus