When a woman is a single mom, why do people automatically blame the woman and not the man for leaving/being absent?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I can’t speak for everyone but in my experience as well as my brothers’ experiences, friends, other family members I’ve known, it’s almost always been the girl to leave. My one brother yes I will say he wasn’t the best as far as being in a relationship. But to this day he still gets his kids, they mean the world to him. She just took off w his son n daughter, didn’t see them for a number of years cause he didn’t know where they were once she took off to the city. No he wasn’t physically abusive to her either, he just had some things going on w him after he left the military that took him a while to get under control. My other brother, he doesn’t have a child but should have had one. She had an abortion w out even telling him she was pregnant. My other brother, well he has custody of his kids cause the mother put her happiness first. She’s still trying to get back w him but he’s moved on. Myself. When I was deployed my girl cheated. I got my son, she’s still going from man to man w 5 other kids now from 3 other men. A lot of men want to be in their kids lives regardless of whether things workout or not. To me it seems like the women are the ones who don’t want the dad there. They use their kids as leverage against the fathers, as a pay check. Men on the other would just rather not take child support from a girl because it’s just less we have to deal w her.

[Summeroflove]

Look, it does take two to make a baby. The problem is many times the women don’t want 50/50 custody or him to have custody. They just want child support and blow all the money on themselves.

I am not saying that all single mothers do that and it’s not that all single dads run off either. It’s just when irresponsible people have sex many times it doesn’t end well and I feel horrible for the children involved more then I ever will the parents.

As far as some women go if it was a marriage that ended horribly and it wasn’t her fault. If she was raped. If she made some bad Choices or he did and they’re doing the best they can I respect that.

There are deadbeat men and deadbeat women. They want to deflect blame for everything they ever did onto the opposite sex. When it’s really taking two

[Nikki1989]

Only the very immature do that. People with real life experience knows the real story. Many men are deadbeats, and many men will never admit any fault.

[Apple1996]

I've always blamed the dad. Even if the mother chooses to leave him it's not like she's doing that for no reason

[Apple1996]

And even If for some reason she is leaving the dad for no reasons she is ending up with all the work of raising the child while the dad is getting to simply just pay a couple hundred a month and get out of parenting. She's putting herself in the tough position so why blame her when she's being responsible

[Finchie40]

Because statistics show women are the leading cause of divorces , so most men assume she was the reason the marriage or relationship ended and sadly to say most single guys’ don’t want to be with a girl that has children already , she is better off finding a single Dad

[AviatorTom]

Statistics show the majority of divorces are filed by women, Men don't leave the marriage, they are asked to leave by the woman.

For single moms that were never married... well, they decided to be single moms, why blame the dad?

[buzzword]

What does the man have to do with anything? Currently women have total control over reproductive rights. No man gets to decide if his child lives or dies. There is state sanctioned murder of children by women. Women file almost all divorces. The courts favor women getting custody of children. Men can fight for custody until they turn blue in the face and they burn their fortune but most likely men will not get custody of the child. That's the way women want it. So women are always responsible for being single mothers. If you don't like the consequences of your actions, then change your actions and change the laws so that their is equality of power over reproductive, custody, divorce, etc. Until you change the laws, you are completely responsible.

[buzzword]

*there
*reproductive rights

[DJB72]

Because in 80% of cases the woman divorces the man, because her ass gets paid to through alimony, child support, etc so it's ok for the guy to be forced to live in a car or go to jail for being late with a payment, but she just has to make the suggestion he was aggressive - not even physically - and he's forced to not see his kids unless he's supervised, and there's subjects he's not allowed to ask, like "how's things at home?" because it's "grooming" for an answer.

A mate of mine was in that situation. At age 16 each of his 3 kids left their mother - who was physically abusive to them after he'd left - to live with him. When the youngest left they all took out safety orders against her - she's not allowed into the town they live in now.

Decent Guys get the shit end of the stick every time.

[DextroShade]

Two reasons:

1. Women initiate the vast majority of breakups and divorces, so it's them leaving not the man.

2. Women choose who they have kids with, so the they had kids with a deadbeat that's their fault.

This idea that guys will pretend to be good husband and father material only to bail once a woman is pregnant is a fantasy. Usually women will be the ones who get pregnant in hopes of trapping a dude who wouldn't otherwise commit and then act like the victim when that doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

More commonly seen today, it's usually women who break up the relationship, more often blaming abuse. They paint it as physical abuse when really, it was just a bunch of yelling at each other. They label it abuse and tell everyone their ex husbands were abusive.


In reality, they just wanted validation from another man because their exes didn't give them any of that validation, usually because they got lazy and less sexually attracted to the woman.


More and more people are starting to see through the cries of wolf. With that said, abusive husbands and dead beat dads do still exist, but aren't as common as the pre-2000s.

[Anonymous]

That's not really true. Most people blame the man in that scenario, at least historically. It's true that as the rate of children raised by single mothers has skyrocketed in recent decades, people have started, as they should, to hold women accountable for that horrible trend. Today's women don't take sex seriously anymore. Even with the availability of birth control, there are still thousands of unplanned pregnancies every year. In 2022, 40% of children were born to unwed mothers. Women breed with low quality men without having any reason to believe he will stick around and be a father if she gets pregnant. So no, it's not all women's fault, but we should definitely be holding women more accountable for the problem.

As for individual single women, I don't automatically assume they are to blame, but it's definitely a big red flag. It's possible the father died, but in most any other scenario, the mother probably made bad choices that got her into that situation.

[ProbablyClueless]

Because we've all seen women bend over backward and do everything in their power to keep baby daddies in their children's lives. We also know that the woman usually has far more say and control in their children's lives than men do.

The unfortunate reality is that when a woman is going at parenthood alone, more than 9 times out of 10, there's more to the story than "Bobby knocked me up, promised me the world, and then vanished."

[Anonymous]

Because the woman CHOSE him. If she chose poorly that's on her.

The flipside is the same with a guy. If a guy chooses some missile twister that's on him.

You cannot do anything about 💩ty people but you can take your time and vet them properly. When this happens to a woman, 9 times out of 10 she didn't.

[Asker]

From what I've seen with some women if the sex is good that's all it takes. They overlook red flags and anything alarming if he has good d*ck.

[Opinion Owner]

Well she's focusing on all the wrong things then. That's on her. I'm sorry if she was molested by her dad or something and due to it this is how she is. But if that's the case she should see a therapist and work through it. Not feed into it.

[nawtee_me]

Good question and as a single father raising two kids I admire single mothers that have to be both mom and pop to the kids. Your job is not an easy one but you do it the best you can and my hat is off to you all…..

Often women are blamed for what isn’t their fault because it is easier to blame others than to open their minds to the possibilities….

[BoopBoopBeep]

Statistically the women are more likely to be the ones to leave, so there's that, personally I don't blame either the woman or the man. Don't really give a shite one way or the other.

[RebelinSteel]

They don’t unless you live some place with judgmental people, there are often loads of reasons she does not have a partner, judging without knowing the facts is just stupid.

[RavVid]

For at least 10 millennium women have been much smarter than this... till now. (Don't get much for your education $ these days).

Is mostly on the single mom.

[Berethor]

Because it's still her who chosen him, and who care? I am not cleaning other man's mess.

[Pohjolan]

Unless if she got raped then she chose this herself.

And I don't think that its that men blame them per se but many also don't want to someones literal second (or third) choice.

[Asker]

Are you saying a lot of guys won't date single mothers but will have sex with them?

[Pohjolan]

That's obvious. Plenty of men in general will have sex with a woman who isn't a keeper and some are only looking for short term mating in the first place.
And?

[Asker]

There are plenty of guys who will commit to a single mother and some of them even get married.

[Pohjolan]

If you say so.

[Asker]

You don't agree? And if not why?

[Pohjolan]

Plenty is subjective in this case. Sure a 8-10 MILF will have plenty of potential partners but this does not mean that its the case universally.

[Makeushiver]

I don't think that's the case. I think reversing that would be closer to truth

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[LiamJHayden]

I don't. She might be a widow. She might have adopted a deceased sibling's child. Many other possible reasons not to automatically assume anything.

[Ladsin2]

Women are the gatekeepers to sex. Always were, always will be.

[Asker]

Okay, but why are they to blame when they are the parent who stayed?

[Ladsin2]

They chose the man. Men are always chasing women and looking for short-term pleasure. This is why your parents always told you "be wary of that boy. Boy's only want one thing!" etc. Problem is girls are told it's better to be men now so everyone is acting like poorly behaved men.

[Anonymous]

Women are the choosers and they're choosing wrong.

[Asker]

Are they choosing wrong or are guys putting on a facade and then revealing who they really are once the baby comes?

[Opinion Owner]

Nope. They're choosing wrong. Most women fool themselves into thinking they can change a loser into a father and family man. Funny how women can seem to spot the "boring nice guy" really easily, but blame being fooled by the guys that everyone else knows is a loser.

[DrPepper12]

Stupid, assumptive, misinformed, misogynistic assholes for $800 Alex?

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't think that's true I think women just feel like people do

[RedInnocent69]

Because she put out for a not serious man.

[Asker]

Not true in every case. Most of the time guys hide who they really are

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sexism bordering on misogyny.