Why did he say this to me?

[Anonymous]

I recently reconnected with an old flame and we plan to meet soon. He told me he doesn’t want to be my friends with benefits or casual etc. However, he went on a rant about how the dating scene is just casual/people dating several others at once. And he said he doesn’t want to his waste his time etc. Why is he telling me this? I felt a little awkward after because I didn’t know exactly how to take it. Does he mean he only wants us to date eachother or something?

[Makeushiver]

It sounds like he might have gotten attached with someone who thought they were enjoying a friends with benefits relationship but she may have had less of an attachment than she did. Whenever I read or hear something like How dating scene is just casual hooking up it sounds like the subtext is, " I fell for a girl who had a friends with benefits relationship but he wanted it to be more and settled for friends with benefits when she discouraged anything more long lasting and then either saw someone ese or became close to someone else. By making it a problem with the entire dating scene iit takes some of the insecurity from himself and blames societies shallowness. Unless it becomes a daily conversational topic its not worth worrying about though I'd be wary of any other signs of emotional neediness

[ohsheeT]

It's a form of manipulation you know the old theory you want what you can't have..

Have it almost bet or guarantees that the first time you went out to even try to get into your pants.

[HollyK21]

If I were you I’d be asking him what he meant. Like if he doesn’t was a friends with benefits or casual relationship but also doesn’t want to waste his time dating then what does he want? He’s ruled out every option.

[Asker]

I know it’s very conflicting

[HollyK21]

Are you afraid of how he’ll react or something if you ask? Because I’d genuinely advise you not to worry about all that. Knowing where you stand in the here and now is much better than investing both time and feelings into this man only for it to amount to friendzoning you in some fashion.

[Asker]

Yeah I’m a little worried about that as we haven’t seen in eachother in such a long time and we haven’t met up yet. But that’s definitely right, I think it’s better to ask because it’s rather confusing. I mainly want to know if he wants us both to date eachother only or where I stand

[HollyK21]

I definitely understand your hesitation, it’s normal, I’ve been there. But at the end of the day, you want to act in your best interest and potentially spare your future-self some grief or disappointment. By knowing where he stands, then you can act accordingly. Like if this is just him wanting a woman’s company and not anything serious, would you want to invest in that? Or even for simple platonic friendship, I doubt you’d care to invest much time in that as opposed to working towards something. This is why I think clarity is so important, and being on the same page rather than going with the flow. I’m not a fan of wasting my time.

[HollyK21]

Also, keep in mind when you’re asking those kinds of questions, like what his intentions are for talking to you or what he wants going forward, or is not you rushing him along. It’s not asking for his hand in marriage, or questions that should scare him off if he were seriously interested. It’s simply you wondering if you’re working towards the same thing.

[HollyK21]

**it is not you rushing him along

[Asker]

Oh yeah of course. Especially if he’s talking about what the dating scene is like now, I want to make sure we are both on the same page

[HollyK21]

Here’s hoping you are!☺️👍

[Stevepro68]

Avoid he wants to see if you want to date him again in a passive aggressive way. X are x for a reason

[onedarkcloud]

Basically, he wants Friends With Benefits for him but not you