Why did he tell me that?

[biabyblue9]

I have been with this guy (he's younger than me) and well, we made like an Agreement to love each other and everything but not actually being a couple? But being loyal and all that... I know it sounds stupid but yeah...
The thing is I wanted to make things like with the name "boyfriend and girlfriend" so I told him and he told me that he wouldn't have time for me... And stuff like that (that was on call) the next day we saw each other and we talked and he told me that it's just that I want to travel and he wants to stay at our city... And I think it's ok, like, I'm not gonna be away for long? I don't know I would definitely come back for him. And well, I asked him that why is making up excuses, that if he doesn't wanna be with me that just say it, and if it was all a lie and he doesn't love me to just be real. But he says that he loves me, he remarked that a lot... So... I don't know why he thinks that way. He also said that he's full of imperfections and Defects but I told him that I don't see it that way and that nobody's perfect. He told me that I might find someone better than him, I I returned it to him by saying that there are so many other girls better than me, that why did he choose me? And he touched my nose with his finger while saying "because it's you" it was so... Nice but hurts a lot. I don't know if it's because of the age or if he is scared of the future, is he insecure, or I don't know. I want to understand...

[Anonymous]

Classic player, convice the girl so he gets sex without any catches but also keeps the girl feeling like he loves her (without actually needing to do any of the sacrificing involved in love).

He told you that because he knows he can get away with getting what he wants without giving any of his freedoms up. Being 'cute' with you winning your affection he probably feels he's hit the gold mine.

Then, if your happy with things as they are, you've hit a gold mine as well (meaning if your happy with being just a toy for him whilst he decides if he can do better or not, and knowing he's going to be telling other girls he loves them just as casually. Well if that's the case, seems like a good mutual arrangement).

[biabyblue9]

Before this happened he told me that he didn't want me to not go for my dreams because of him. Because I want to go to LA and he wants to stay here. So I told him that obviously I'm not gonna quit my dreams because of him... I don't think he's like that... We already talked about it and I told him to be direct if he just wants that then just to say it and we can do an agreement but it looked like he really did like me, and then this happened... Damn

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I hope your faith in him is well placed. Your descrition has me convinced he's a player type. Though, you will definitely know better than I, of course, as I am only going on your breif description here. One difficulty with love, especially when loving someone who meets our idea of ideal, is we tend to attribute to them the very best motives. Most times that's part of what makes love so wondeful, but sometimes it can leave us blind to a bad lovers faults or a charmers misleads.

I can't think of another reason for him telling you what he did.

Though if I give him the benefit of the doubt that he just happens to appear exactly like a player, maybe he's just being loving and setting you free. Meaning he doesn't want you to feel unable to 'do you' missing him so is making himself less missable (I feel I'm seriously reaching, but wanted to credit your feeling he's worth it). Still say he's a total player myself.

[biabyblue9]

Thank you.

[DishLady]

Probably a combination of being nervous to move to the next step and also just wanting the best for you.

[biabyblue9]

Yeah.. maybe but either way I think it would be best if we talked things and check if there's a solution, don't you think? Well either way he's younger so he thinks different obviously. I already told him that we talked (we are just friends now) and then get to an agreement and stuff but oh well, he's very busy.

[DishLady]

Does he look like he wants a solution? It sounds like he’s not into feeling attached.
It’s nothing to do with being younger or older.
“Busy” is what a guy says when he’s not into you. When a guy is into you, he’ll literally do anything. There was a fellow who climbed the side of a brick wall to my building because he remembered my window but not my apartment number…. That’s not even the most extreme example. Cut ties with this guy. He’s playing with your feelings.